Wookieepedia:Comprehensive article nominations/Grysk homeworld

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Comprehensive article nomination that was withdrawn. Please do not modify it.

Grysk homeworld

• Nominated by: Samonic (Talk) 10:09, 11 March 2022 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Why delay.
• WookieeProject (optional): Wookieepedia:WookieeProject Novels Wookieepedia:WookieeProject Astrography

(1 ECs/2 Users/3 Total)

(Votes required: 1 EC vote(s) required to reach minimum. Additional 1 user or 1 EC vote required to pass.)

Support

1. Please read the entire article when fixing objections, you had some repeated wording and linking. my edit Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 05:30, 19 March 2022 (UTC)
2. DFaceG (talk) 02:07, 21 March 2022 (UTC)
3. Erebus Chronus ^(Talk) 00:20, 26 March 2022 (UTC)

Object

Erebus

• You have duplicate links.
• Context for Darth Vader and Mokivj, this might bring you over 165 words.
• Please include Alliance's author in the BTS, as well as include that it was part of the Thrawn novel series per Team Four.
• No Legends counterpart exists, nor does the subject have another appearance, so you can remove the "first mentioned" part and just say it was "mentioned". Erebus Chronus ^(Talk) 15:53, 11 March 2022 (UTC)
  • All addressed. Thank you. Samonic (Talk) 18:23, 11 March 2022 (UTC)
    • Made copy-edits. Erebus Chronus ^(Talk) 17:52, 18 March 2022 (UTC)
      • Thank you. Samonic (Talk) 11:25, 20 March 2022 (UTC)

Spooky

• The last two sentences go into how there's a base that the species inhabited, then stuff about them. Wouldn't the warlike context about Grysk be better when the species is first written in the first sentence? I'm also not entirely sure of the relevance in mentioning the physical characteristics of the creatures relative to the homeworld itself, rather than the species article. The base itself I can see is mentioned in the quote to be on the homeworld, but not in the article body, just starts with "The base..."—spookywilloww^talk 19:14, 11 March 2022 (UTC)
  • I moved the context. (And minimised it) I changed "the base..." part. Thank you. Samonic (Talk) 20:47, 11 March 2022 (UTC)

Manoof

• "Grysks' threat to the Chiss Ascendancy, his people, and the Galactic Empire." reads as if the chiss ascendancy and his people are two different groups. Are you able to rephrase this, perhaps mentioning the ascendancy earlier? Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 12:58, 16 March 2022 (UTC)
• The last sentence is redundant Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 12:58, 16 March 2022 (UTC)
• It reads like they were encroaching into Imperial space, is that also in the Unknown regions? Point being if they were trying to "conquer the unknown regions", why were they in conflict with the imps? Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 12:58, 16 March 2022 (UTC)
• Can we split this beefy paragraph in two? Probably from "In 1 BBY..." Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 13:10, 16 March 2022 (UTC)
  • All done. Thank you. Samonic (Talk) 14:08, 16 March 2022 (UTC)
• Use of four —es in the first sentence is a bit overkill and should be rephrased or broken into multiple sentences. Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 13:28, 18 March 2022 (UTC)
• You mention Thawn BEFORE giving it context that it's his core name (also should be "whom had the core name...") Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 13:28, 18 March 2022 (UTC)
• In the last sentence, using "he" at the start is unclear who it is referring to. You need to introduce the subject first, and ensure there can be no misinterpretation on who "he/they/her/them/etc" could be referring to. Eg you wouldn't say "John, Jacob and james were in the car, then he got out" Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 13:28, 18 March 2022 (UTC)
  • All addressed. Thank you. Samonic (Talk) 19:59, 18 March 2022 (UTC)

Imp

• Discrepancy between the article text using "in 1 BBY" and the dating reference note saying "approximately 1 BBY".
• Discrepancy between this article placing Mokivj in the Unknown Regions and our article for Mokivj claiming it's in the Outer Rim - which is correct?
• Please eliminate the usage of any contracted forms of verbs. Imperators II^(Talk) 09:33, 17 March 2022 (UTC)
  • All done. Samonic (Talk) 09:58, 17 March 2022 (UTC)

UberSoldat

• We can't say for sure that Alliances takes place around 1 BBY. The most we can do is "between 2 BBY (after Atollon) and 1 BBY." UberSoldat93 (talk) 03:13, 22 March 2022 (UTC)
  • Is this better? — Samonic (Talk) 09:37, 23 March 2022 (UTC)
    • Please combine those refs, and remove the mention of Atollon in the body since it's already discussed in the note. UberSoldat93 (talk) 03:35, 24 March 2022 (UTC)
      • Done.— Samonic (Talk) 08:39, 24 March 2022 (UTC)
        • The note does not say Alliances takes place between those years, it still says it takes place around 1 BBY. Please amend the note. UberSoldat93 (talk) 09:16, 25 March 2022 (UTC)
          • Done.— Samonic (Talk) 10:53, 26 March 2022 (UTC)

Macaroni

• The connection between the skirmishes and Thrawn looking for the astronomical object is not super clear. JediMasterMacaroni^(Talk) 21:09, 28 March 2022 (UTC)
  • Addressed.— Samonic (Talk) 09:10, 29 March 2022 (UTC)

Comments

• I've made a copy-edit to fix a few smaller link things, but also to remove the double mention of the threat into one. If there's any issues with it feel free to turn that part back.—spookywilloww^talk 02:05, 12 March 2022 (UTC)
  • Thank you for the copy edit! ^^ Samonic (Talk) 08:55, 12 March 2022 (UTC)