Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Jaguada/Legends

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Jaguada/Legends

  • Nominated by: Goodmind (talk) 08:27, 11 December 2021 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:
  • WookieeProject (optional): WP:AST

(4 ACs/2 Users/6 Total)

(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)

Support

  1. ACvote Imperators II(Talk) 09:31, 13 March 2022 (UTC)
  2. ACvote UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 03:34, 15 March 2022 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:24, 15 March 2022 (UTC)
  4. Golbolco (talk) 12:40, 15 March 2022 (UTC)
  5. —spookywillowwtalk 17:48, 15 March 2022 (UTC)
  6. ACvote OOM 224 18:49, 19 March 2022 (UTC)

Object

UberSoldat
  • Welcome to the GAN! Here are some things I noticed straight off the bat:
    • There are multiple duplicate links in the article. There's a tool which detects them for you, which can be enabled under the "Gadgets" tab of Preferences.
    • Ensure that the article respects the MOS. For example, "Do not separate compound terms upon first linking instance (examples: [[Battle of Hoth]], not [[Battle of Hoth|Battle of]] [[Hoth]]; [[YT-1300 light freighter]], not [[YT-1300 light freighter|YT-1300]] [[light freighter]]).."
    • Many of the dates don't appear to be sourced properly (e.g. That FFG post does not provide the date "0 ABY").
      • Just checking that Plagueis supports the date directly. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 08:03, 12 December 2021 (UTC)
        • Fixed Plagueis date --Goodmind (talk) 11:40, 15 December 2021 (UTC)
      • As discussed on Discord, the 0 ABY date is inaccurate. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 08:21, 14 December 2021 (UTC)
        • Per Discord, removed 0 ABY date--Goodmind (talk) 11:40, 15 December 2021 (UTC)
    • Per the information in this article and Layout Guide, there needs to be both "Inhabitants" and "Locations" sections.
    • Check the abridged Dark Lord: The Rise of Darth Vader audiobook for a mention of the subject. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 08:57, 11 December 2021 (UTC)
      • Fixed most of these --Goodmind (talk) 14:30, 11 December 2021 (UTC)
  • I'm hearing popping in those newly-uploaded audio clips. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 12:37, 30 December 2021 (UTC)
    • Looks like they've been removed now. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 09:09, 7 January 2022 (UTC)
  • Lots of subjects need context, including but not limited to: Ashas Ree, Khar Delba, Rakata, Korriban, Coruscant, Begeren, and Khar Shian.
  • Two issues here: 1.) What is "Sith" referring to here? Please link the appropriate article. 2.) What did they use the vessels for? The sentence awkwardly ends after mentioning they left Korriban. "...the remaining Sith used the Rakatan vessels, leaving the desolated Korriban behind as a tombworld populated by religious fanatics."
    • Fixed --Goodmind (talk) 11:28, 5 March 2022 (UTC)
      • You didn't link the article for whatever Sith the source refers to, so I've done this for you now. As for the second part, it's still not clear. Did they use the ships to fight back? To leave Korriban? UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 10:54, 6 March 2022 (UTC)
  • Some of the info in the intro is a carbon copy of info in the body e.g. Clone Wars and Imperial garrison. Please reword.
    • Reworded --Goodmind (talk) 19:01, 6 March 2022 (UTC)
      • This part as well: "However, only the blockade claim was true, as Jaguada hosted an Imperial garrison.." UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 03:52, 7 March 2022 (UTC)
  • My copy-edit. Please be careful with underlinking and the Microsoft apostrophe. Let me know if you are satisfied with the changes. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 06:49, 26 February 2022 (UTC)
    • 533 BBY date ref seems abrupt now --Goodmind (talk) 19:01, 6 March 2022 (UTC)
      • Which instance of 533 BBY? They're both in the correct places since they're providing a timeframe for the event. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 03:52, 7 March 2022 (UTC)
  • The mention of the Death Star's destruction is currently intro-exclusive, I would do away with it entirely and just mention the "Battle of Yavin."
  • Please formally introduce the moon and the star in the intro (Jaguada was orbited by so and so); the former is introduced much later there.
    • Should intro really include astrographical information, isn't it supposed to be short? --Goodmind (talk) 19:37, 6 March 2022 (UTC)
  • Spotted and fixed multiple instances of subjects being linked in instances after the first. It would be wise to go through the article and fix any more I may have missed in the copy-edit. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 10:54, 6 March 2022 (UTC)
  • Is the Republic garrison is the same as the Imperial one? Our article on it says so, but this article makes no such indication, nor does it identify the Empire as the Republic's successor
  • Since Jaguada had clone troopers on it, I believe "Humans" should be added to the infobox as an immigrated species. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 06:11, 14 March 2022 (UTC)
Imp
  • Please subsection History. This will allow for more images and quotes to be added.
    • Fixed --Goodmind (talk) 00:06, 21 December 2021 (UTC)
      • Any potential images that could be used in the article? Imperators II(Talk) 19:44, 11 February 2022 (UTC)
        • Probably not --Goodmind (talk) 21:30, 1 March 2022 (UTC)
          • How about an image of Vader as the individual who viewed Jaguada in a hologram? Anything that could help break upthe visual monotony of the text for novel articles is much-appreciated, see Winshur Bratt for example.
            • Added --Goodmind (talk) 08:06, 12 March 2022 (UTC)
              • The first and the third images are good, but the second one needs a bit more connection to the article's subject in its caption. Is it a symbol of the Sith Order? If so, you should work in a mention of the Sith (Order) there and add a pointer explaining the symbol, similarly to what I've done with the other images. Or an alternative solution is to just go without that second image; the combination of the two of the first Bio subsections plus the first one's image should still be able to maintain a good visual look for the article.
                • Changed the image --Goodmind (talk) 08:36, 13 March 2022 (UTC)
  • The last paragraph of History incorrectly uses present tense, whereas articles are generally written in past tense.
  • Please add {{Mediacat}}. Imperators II(Talk) 17:11, 20 December 2021 (UTC)
  • The hologram thing should be reflected in the body, as well. I presume this will allow to delink Vader in the quote attribution. Imperators II(Talk) 07:15, 31 December 2021 (UTC)
  • Please choose and go with just one source for the double-referenced names in "Early history". Imperators II(Talk) 10:13, 20 January 2022 (UTC)
  • Context for Vader, please.
    • Not sure what you mean? --Goodmind (talk) 23:26, 22 February 2022 (UTC)
      • In the nomination page parlance, "context" is usually shorthand for a short contextual descriptor that, in an extremely brief manner, establishes what a given subject was. For example, in an article you'd usually never just say "Anakin Skywalker" with no further qualifier, but instead say, e.g., "Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker" or "Anakin Skywalker, a Jedi Knight who blahblah". Similarly here, give the reader just the briefest hint as to who this Vader person was. For example, "Dark Lord of the Sith" or, less technical, "Sith Lord". Imperators II(Talk) 13:18, 23 February 2022 (UTC)
  • Could you move the date from the Inhabitants section to History? Right now it's more needed there.
  • I'd also like to see a date for the Great Hyperspace War.
  • The link to Adas's Sith Empire is infobox- and intro-exclusive. Imperators II(Talk) 19:44, 11 February 2022 (UTC)
  • You're mentioning an "Imperial garrison" before you ever link to the Galactic Empire. Please revise. (You can probably bring the first mention of the Galactic Empire way up to where you first mention Coruscant, by the way.)
  • I'm not seeing a real need to mention "Moraband", an alternative name for Korriban there. You don't explain what Moraband is and why you're not linking the name to anything, and Korriban was known as "Korriban" both before and after the name "Moraband" was in use; so again, no real justification for or benefit from its use there.
  • Where were Vader and Isard located? In the Jedi Temple, or somewhere else? It'd be beneficial to clarify that.
  • "were explored and blockaded by the Galactic Empire" — the verb tense usage is off here; per the source, should it be "had been explored..." or "were being explored..."?
  • I fail to see how the Empire hosting a garrison on Jaguada would somehow invalidate the claim that the planet was also an ancient homeworld of the Sith. And furthermore—notice how I used the wording "an ancient homeworld" there?—I don't believe that, to a galaxy around 0 ABY, the technicality that, in fact, Korriban was the world on which the Sith species originally evolved, automatically meant that calling the worlds the Sith first colonized nearly thirty thousand years prior to the Battle of Yavin, such as Jaguada, their "ancient homeworlds" was necessarily incorrect. What you could instead do is just simply say that the shadowfeeds stated that Jaguada and the others were four ancient homeworlds of the Sith, and leave it at that.
  • And also, how does the blockade from around 0 ABY connect with the garrison from 19 BBY? Is the blockade also mentioned in Dark Lord? If yes, please do mention that earlier in the text. If not, it's not like having a garrison somewhere and there being a blockade necessarily imply each other.
  • Since it apparently talks about the potential ancient inhabitants of Jaguada, could a quote from the Force and Destiny shadowfeeds be used under Inhabitants?
  • In the intro, you're using the term "Adas's Sith Empire" and then "the later Sith Empire". As a reader, I found this bit to be problematic for the following reasons: firstly, you're just throwing out a mention of an "Adas" there without the reader being given any clue as to who or what that is; and secondly, the second instance of "Sith Empire" reads weirdly and perhaps even repetitively because it's also not given any context besides the brief "later". Instead, consider describing and/or pipelinking the first empire as the "original Sith Empire"—since that's what it was, really, wasn't it?—and then the second empire as the "Dark Jedi–led Sith Empire" or "Jedi Exile–led Sith Empire" or something that helps set it apart more qualitatively from its predecessor.
    • Changed --Goodmind (talk) 08:05, 12 March 2022 (UTC)
      • Hmm, while "ancient Sith Empire" is an OK term for Adas's empire, calling the Dark Jedi Sith Empire "the reorganized Sith Empire" is unfortunately a bit misleading since the very similar "reconstituted Sith Empire" is the term we're predominantly using to refer to the SWTOR-era empire. See if you can find another way to word this; maybe some of the solutions I've suggested above? Imperators II(Talk) 14:16, 12 March 2022 (UTC)
  • In the intro, you're using the term "Golden Age of the Republic". First off, it's intro-exclusive. Before you try and implement it in the body, however, consider this: can you actually point me to a source that establishes that 533 BBY must have fell inside that period? If not, and you still want to retain the use of such a term in the intro, I instead recommend Great Peace of the Republic, which I can guarantee you CSWE establishes to have lasted between 1000 BBY and 22 BBY.
    • Changed --Goodmind (talk) 19:59, 11 March 2022 (UTC)
      • You now have an intro-exclusive mention of the Great Peace of the Republic, however. If you want to add it to the body, you'll need {{CSWECite|I|363|Great Peace of the Republic}} establishes that the [[Great Peace of Republic]] lasted from the [[Seventh Battle of Ruusan|Battle of Ruusan]] until the [[First Battle of Geonosis/Legends|outbreak]] of the [[Clone Wars/Legends|Clone Wars]]. ''[[The Essential Atlas]]'' dates those two events to [[1000 BBY/Legends|1000 BBY]] and [[22 BBY/Legends|22 BBY]], respectively, meaning that [[533 BBY]] must have fallen inside that [[Time/Legends|time]] period..
  • Please specify in the intro that Gravid and Gean were Sith.
  • A bit of discrepancy between the intro and the body - in the body, you're mentioning a group of Jedi Purge survivors on Jaguada's moon, with Shryne being emphasized among them, while in the intro, you only mention Starstone.
  • I've helped you reword the bit about the CIS war materiel on Jaguada so that it more closely follows what's in the source, could you please do the same for that bit in the intro? Imperators II(Talk) 19:00, 11 March 2022 (UTC)
OOM
  • My edit. Please watch out for missing links. "Species" and "Doctor" should be linked where appropriate.
  • Are you sure that sources refer to the Sith Worlds as just "Sith Worlds," without a preceding "the"?
    • It's sourced to Atlas Online Companion.--Goodmind (talk) 09:11, 16 March 2022 (UTC)
      • In what context does it mention the Sith Worlds then? I know of a good number of other sources that refer to them as "the Sith Worlds" in written prose. OOM 224 17:46, 16 March 2022 (UTC)
        • As discussed in DMs, it should be "the Sith Worlds" per English language norms, and consistent with existing status articles. OOM 224 18:02, 17 March 2022 (UTC)
  • That is a lot of information packed into just one sentence in the first paragraph of the History section. Extraneous context should be cut.
    • It's not extraneous, without there's no context for planet's population. --Goodmind (talk) 09:29, 16 March 2022 (UTC)
      • I didn't say remove the whole paragraph. I meant extraneous context within it should be removed. OOM 224 18:02, 17 March 2022 (UTC)
        • Resolved via DMs OOM 224 11:39, 19 March 2022 (UTC)
  • Does Jedi vs. Sith refer to the Exiles as "Jedi Exiles"? If that's really so, then the entire term should be pipelinked to the Exiles article.
  • Is there really a need to mention the Great Peace of the Republic? Just because an event falls within the timeframe of a pre-established period does not mean the time period should be mentioned, and I don't see the significance of the period in relation to this planet's events.
    • Since we don't know when Darth Gravid's bastion was built and that they only fought a duel there around 533 BBY, that seems more accurate to me. --Goodmind (talk) 13:40, 17 March 2022 (UTC)
      • But mentioning it doesn't narrow down the timeframe, so there's no point in doing so. OOM 224 18:02, 17 March 2022 (UTC)
        • Resolved via DMs OOM 224 18:49, 19 March 2022 (UTC)
  • "The Jedi then landed at the Separatist communications facility" — was it the only Separatist communications facility? If not, then "the" should be changed to "a." Also, you should specify where the facility was located. Otherwise, readers might think that it was on the planet rather than the moon.
  • You mention the "Internal Security Bureau," but confusingly, you're linking to the Imperial Security Bureau/Legends. Which one is correct? OOM 224 17:50, 15 March 2022 (UTC)
    • Nevermind the last point; Imp spoke with me about it. OOM 224 18:04, 15 March 2022 (UTC)
  • No need to specify that Coruscant was the galactic capital. OOM 224 18:02, 17 March 2022 (UTC)
    • It's required context --Goodmind (talk) 18:18, 17 March 2022 (UTC)
      • Removed it after discussion in DMs, if anyone thinks it's necessary I'll add it back --Goodmind (talk) 06:16, 18 March 2022 (UTC)
  • Be careful when reshuffling information. By making this edit here, you've changed one of the citations. OOM 224 15:36, 18 March 2022 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 18:49, 19 March 2022 (UTC)