Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Chiss Ascendancy's northeast-zenith sector

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Chiss Ascendancy's northeast-zenith sector

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

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Support

  1. A pleasure to review a longer Chiss article. I hope to see more from you. Great work.— Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 18:04, 27 April 2022 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Imperators II(Talk) 08:39, 15 May 2022 (UTC)
  3. ACvote UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 07:54, 23 June 2022 (UTC)
  4. Good work! —TomotronRevanchist SithStar Forge 10:33, 21 July 2022 (UTC)
  5. ACvote OOM 224 15:38, 21 July 2022 (UTC)

Object

Samonic
  • "During the Around 18 BBY, as part of the Chiss Ascendancy crisis, two skirmishes occurred in the sector." Please clean that up.
  • "And the second was a sneak attack on the Orisson as it was entering the system in order to prove that the Dasklo families where manufacturing fake warships." Could you establish who made the sneak attack?
  • Description and history are missing several links. Everything that can be linked should be linked at the first mention (In the intro, and in the body).
  • Context for Grayshrike, Orisson, Dasklo family, Core name for Clarr'ivl'exow, Clarr'os'culry and context for "Jixtus." See Kilji homeland for an example on Jixtus' context if you wish.
  • Is "a Grysk warship" linking to the intended model? I don't think the same model from Thrawn: Alliances and Thrawn: Treason appeared in the Star Wars: The Ascendancy Trilogy at all.
  • Hyperspace should not be capitalized.
  • (Review note) — Use the "highlight duplicate links" tool to highlight duplicate links.— Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 16:57, 16 April 2022 (UTC)
    • I think I got that all. How do I use the "highlight duplicate links" tool? --ThrawnChiss7 (talk) 22:41, 16 April 2022 (UTC)
      • Go here, and click on "Highlight duplicate links in articles," then, in your toolbar (bottom right) click in "Customize" and add the duplicate links highlighting tool.— Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 08:16, 17 April 2022 (UTC)
      • Context is still missing (intro), links too. (Examples: Sector, ornfra system, Nine)— Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 08:19, 17 April 2022 (UTC)
        • Forgot that you needed to link in the body and the head; links are in both now and context for Jixtus, the Orrisson the Grayshike and core names for Clarr'ivl'exow and Clarr'os'culry have been added.—ThrawnChiss7 (talk) 19:45, 18 April 2022 (UTC)
  • Please remove the double reference in the infobox (Stations parameter), and format it correctly. Also, remove "temporarily". Would be: "One asteroid missile platform (c. 18 BBY)[2]" — Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 08:21, 17 April 2022 (UTC)
    • The references has been removed and formatted correctly.—ThrawnChiss7 (talk) 19:45, 18 April 2022 (UTC)
      • Good work.
  • Lacks images (1 would be enough, such as the CEDF's logo) — Lacks quotes, you could add one for each skirmish or for Ornfra.
  • (Review note) Make sure you are OK with my copy-edit (this).— Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 09:16, 23 April 2022 (UTC)
Imp
  • I don't believe the section break is actually necessary in the current version of the article. Each of the subsections is just a single paragraph, which usually looks on the short side, plus it gives the impression that the subsectioning is done merely to add more quotes.
  • Please double-check the quote punctuation. Imperators II(Talk) 21:31, 24 April 2022 (UTC)
    • I removed the section breaks and fixed the quote punctuation. -ThrawnChiss7 (talk) 01:26, 27 April 2022 (UTC)
  • "They destroyed the Grysk freighter" — who is "they"? The Defense Fleet or the Clarr family? Can you clarify?
  • And you mention "the Grysk freighter" although you previously only mention the Grysk Hegemony, so the freighter that by this point in the article is supposedly familiar to the reader in fact isn't. Please revise.
  • "to prove that the Dasklo family was manufacturing fake starships" — er, can we get a bit of further context for this? What exactly does "fake starships" mean in this case, and why would a Chiss Patriarch need someone to prove this? Imperators II(Talk) 15:44, 10 May 2022 (UTC)
  • In the body, you describe the first skirmish in Ornfra as involving four parties; in the intro, you just mention two of them. Please address this discrepancy. Imperators II(Talk) 09:11, 13 May 2022 (UTC)
    • The discrepancy has been resolved. -ThrawnChiss7 (talk) 00:09, 15 May 2022 (UTC)
OOM
  • Notes on my copy-edit
    • Image sizes should always be specified. The standard thumbnail size is 300px.
    • Rather than mention the concept of core names in the prose, simply saying Clarr'ivl'exow "Rivlex" is fine.
    • Watch out for word choice. "However" implies contrasting statements, so it doesn't apply to the simple series of events here.
  • It's a good idea to vary your language, since it makes the text more interesting for readers
    • "A sector was located in the northeast-zenith of the Chiss Ascendancy. It contained the Ornfra system and the planet Ornfra." —this is repeated word-for-word between the intro and the body. Try switching things around to make the article seem fresh to readers who first read the intro and then the body.
    • There's a cluster of the word "after" in the body. See if you can reduce their usage. OOM 224 08:17, 3 July 2022 (UTC)
      • I removed the afters and changed up to the body. How does it look now? -ThrawnChiss7 (talk) 20:47, 13 July 2022 (UTC)
        • Much better. Please observe my copy-edits here; I mainly made adjustments to improve the article's flow. OOM 224 21:43, 13 July 2022 (UTC)
          • Looks good, thanks for the adjustments. -ThrawnChiss7 (talk) 21:00, 20 July 2022 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 15:38, 21 July 2022 (UTC)