- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Te Hasa
- Nominated by: Imperators II(Talk) 22:18, August 6, 2015 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: My first FA nomination. 1039 words.
(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 00:46, August 10, 2015 (UTC)- IFYLOFD (Talk) 00:26, August 13, 2015 (UTC)
- Green Tentacle (Talk) 12:37, October 31, 2015 (UTC)
- Looks good. <-Omicron(Leave a message at the BEEP!) 03:41, November 6, 2015 (UTC)
- Jorrel
Fraajic 20:23, November 10, 2015 (UTC) - Cade Calrayn 05:42, November 19, 2015 (UTC)
Object
Toprawa
The History section should detail the fact that the Gree at some point immigrated to Te Hasa.- Added.
The Gree image in the article body has a pretty sketchy editing job to remove surrounding graphics. You should seek someone with image-editing skills to clean this up for you. I would suggest Darth Culator.- I've asked Culator for some help.
- ...and, thanks to Culator, done. Imperators II(Talk) 22:19, August 9, 2015 (UTC)
- I've asked Culator for some help.
I would also like to see the image caption detail something specific about the Gree in relation to Te Hasa. "A Gree" is pretty boring.- Some fun fact added to the boring caption.
Maybe I'm just not understanding it, but I find the beginning of this sentence to be kind of confusing. Can you tweak this at all to clarify? "The greatest concentration in the Gree Enclave of textmasters..."- Is it clearer now? It's supposed to be "the largest number of textmasters in the Enclave worked in the Library" + context on textmasters.
- Reviewing notes:
- Since you write a lot of planet articles, this is something I want you to pay more attention to. Going along with my second objection I made here regarding using manual reference notes for sources that don't directly mention a subject, the Essential Atlas Online Companion does not list planets; it only lists systems. So if you're going to source astrograhical data for planets from the Online Companion, you should specify how exactly you're reaching that information. Notice in reference 1 for Nal Koska that I specified "Based on corresponding data for Y'Toub system" for the Online Companion reference, since you're extrapolating all of that information specifically from the Y'Toub system information. You should add this to your reference note anytime you're sourcing information from the Companion for a planet.
- Ah, OK, got it now. In the case with Nal Koska, I thought the note was necessary because only "Y'Toub" was listed in the Appendix/Companion and not "Nal Koska".
- You don't need to go into a full explanation of what a Type II atmosphere is. That's what our links are for.
- Yeah, I should've noticed that bit could be shortened.
- You seem to have a habit of overusing the dash. Reserve those for instances where you're trying to emphasize the dramatic or seriousness of something, and stick to commas for the majority of sentences. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 18:58, August 9, 2015 (UTC)
- OK, thanks for the advice!
- 1,011 words now. Imperators II(Talk) 21:19, August 9, 2015 (UTC)
- Since you write a lot of planet articles, this is something I want you to pay more attention to. Going along with my second objection I made here regarding using manual reference notes for sources that don't directly mention a subject, the Essential Atlas Online Companion does not list planets; it only lists systems. So if you're going to source astrograhical data for planets from the Online Companion, you should specify how exactly you're reaching that information. Notice in reference 1 for Nal Koska that I specified "Based on corresponding data for Y'Toub system" for the Online Companion reference, since you're extrapolating all of that information specifically from the Y'Toub system information. You should add this to your reference note anytime you're sourcing information from the Companion for a planet.
Jorrel
Minor case of an indefinite pronoun (their) in the sentence "As an additional precaution, the Gree bioengineered the native predators to be more aggressive and deadly, while their prey was engineered to sustain the carnivorous creatures." While I know that the "their" refers to the predators, it could also be interpreted as referring to the Gree.- Reworded with the help of some synonyms.
You should probably specify when the Gree lost their knowledge of the use of the technology. You don't have to know the exact date, but since they've lost the knowledge by at least the roleplaying seed's storyline (New Republic era, based on the appearance of Corellia Antilles), that should be specified. Example, in the history section:"These artifacts, which the Gree had forgotten how to operate, were stored and cataloged in warehouses in the hope of eventually rediscovering their use."
- Specified the time.
Is "longhouses" a canonical descriptor? If so, I think we need an article (or at least some kind of further description, if possible), since the real-world term refers to a very specific form of house used by a very specific form of people in a very specific location at a very specific time (you get the idea). Also, based on the real-world meaning, likening them to "temples" which "rose above the ground" seems odd.JorrelFraajic 04:52, November 7, 2015 (UTC)
- This is what the source says: "Some of these warehouses, the older ones, are carved into the rock, while newer ones were constructed as longhouses which seem like temples rising above the planet's surface." So, yes, "longhouse" is canonical. I'm not sure whether it merits an article, though - what would such an article have to say? Also, I don't think the real-life term is actually so specific - it seems that independent designs of longhouses were constructed on several continents at various points in history.
- Regarding the "temples" bit: I reworded it and hope it's clearer now, but hey, that's what the source says. Go figure. Imperators II(Talk) 17:09, November 10, 2015 (UTC)