Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Mitth'ras'safis/Legends

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations | Mitth'ras'safis
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Mitth'ras'safis

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Outbound Flight is an awesome book! :D Plagueis327 (talk) 17:31, September 22, 2012 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Solid work. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:33, November 21, 2012 (UTC)
  3. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 17:24, November 21, 2012 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 21:11, December 26, 2012 (UTC)
  5. Very well done. The BTS is kinda stumpy, but there's not much to say. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 05:33, January 4, 2013 (UTC)
    Thanks. I decided to treat your comment about BTS as an "objection" and updated it a little. But as you said, there isn't much BTS stuff we know about him.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 07:24, January 4, 2013 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 12:05, January 9, 2013 (UTC)
  7. Supreme Emperor (talk) 04:00, February 3, 2013 (UTC)

Object

Hanzo
  • I'd say an article for Progga's ship should be created.
  • You just mention Springhawk without any context in the article.
    • That good enoug? Or should there be something about it being a cruiser, too?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 06:19, October 27, 2012 (UTC)
      • I think that you could mention it being a cruiser, but I don't think it's required. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 14:19, October 27, 2012 (UTC)
  • Will get to a full review when I have more time. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 03:25, October 27, 2012 (UTC)
  • I think the passage "his own strike force decimated Stratis' mission would be a failure if Thrawn refused" has some sort of grammatical error, and I have a hard time figuring out what it means. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 18:56, November 20, 2012 (UTC)
Floyd
  • Identify Thrawn as Mitth'raw'nuruodo's core name in the intro. Same thing in the bio, where you mention "core name" later in the bio without saying what it is.
  • Same with the Mitth family and the "Eighth ruling family".
  • Intro: "all the things Thrawn did" Such as?
  • Intro: More context on the Battle of Outbound Flight and the "ship". Same thing in the body: you mention the Outbound Flight Project without saying what it is.
  • Intro: Context on Luke Skywalker.
  • Article for Thrawn's battle with the Vagaari?
    • Linked. There are already too many. I hadn't actually noticed how many, really, before now. They are a bit confusing.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 08:50, November 20, 2012 (UTC)
  • This could use a decent copyedit.
  • "the Human had travelled a lot and seen many cultures, and was thus knowledgeable about many cultures" Try to avoid this type of repetition.
  • You use a massive amount of dashes in your sentences. Using dashes is fine—I use them all the time, including right now—but you use them so much it kind of kills the flow.
    • It is the easiest way of adding context.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 08:50, November 20, 2012 (UTC)
      • I know, which makes it really tempting to use them all the time. I myself have to make an active effort to keep the number of dashes down to say, one a paragraph. Seems fine now. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:33, November 21, 2012 (UTC)
  • Destruction of the Outbound Flight: You mention a "Doriana", but without any context or even a link.
    • It was linked under Stratis, but I noticed I never properly explained his double role. Fixed.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 09:57, November 20, 2012 (UTC)
  • Destruction of the Outbound Flight: Part of the quote reads ""So he calls and admiral down on you?" I'm assuming this is a mistake. If not, this would need a [sic].
  • The first couple of paragraphs of that section hardly mention Thrass. Try to rewrite it more from his perspective.
    • Fixed the first paragraph, but there is not much I can do with the second, because it is context the reader must know, but what Thrass didn't know at the time.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 12:34, November 20, 2012 (UTC)
  • Article for Thrawn's destruction of the Trade Federation force?
  • Same thing with the three-way battle between the Chiss, Vagaari and Trade Federation.
    • What battle? Vagaari and Trade Federation never fought. Only Thrawn using TF equipment during the three way battle between his forces, Vagaari and Outbound Flight, which should already be linked.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 09:57, November 20, 2012 (UTC)
  • I'm seeing some general linking issues.
  • Context on Anakin and Obi-Wan.
  • Fix these and I'll look it over again. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 21:02, November 19, 2012 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • What exactly is Crustai? Is it the planet, the system, or the base, or something else? It gets referred to a lot in passing without much specification; most of the time it appears like you're just referring to the base, but I'm not sure if that's correct since it's only called "Crustai," not "the Crustai base" or "Thrawn's base." Please check all instances to make sure it's clear what you're referring to.
  • In the body, more context is needed on Admiral Ar'alani. What was his affiliation? Why is he relevant? Is he a higher power than Thrawn/why does it sound like he might be an enemy of Thrawn? That will explain why "Thrass saw no other choice but to contact Admiral Ar'alani" later on.
  • Context on Siv Kav and Sidious.
  • Please note that "arrived to" is not a proper English idiom when referring to a place. It should either be "arrived [somewhere]" or "arrived [to do something]." Please make sure all usages are correct.
  • It's pretty good so far. There are just some small issues that I've been encountering regarding grammar. I would recommend taking some time to read the article out loud to yourself; that's usually a good way to catch errors if something sounds weird. Also, please try to use "that" more when describing something, i.e. "which had been equipped with a Vagaari ship net that Thrawn had earlier acquired," just to make sure that it's easy for the reader to get what you're trying to say.
    • Reading out loud isn't going to help me that much, because I don't hear my mistakes the same way native English speakers do, but I'll try it. I notice mistakes easier when I translate, because incorrect sentences are hard to translate. I also notice I've gone to the other extreme now, as previously I used "that" too often instead of "which".--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 08:31, November 23, 2012 (UTC)
      • I've started the translation process, but it is a bit slow way to do a grammar check. Especially when I all of a sudden actually started to write the same thing in English, instead of Finnish, only with different words... Very disorienting, I might say, but not the first time I've done it. I'll get back to work tomorrow.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 20:18, November 23, 2012 (UTC)
        • Okay. Done. I caught couple of more missing links and an extremely embarrasing slip of mind with the "trial-borns" together with some weird and over-long sentences.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 21:22, November 24, 2012 (UTC)
  • I've been running into some places in which context is needed for a character or other subject. Please make sure that you provide context for all individuals in the rest of the article.
    • I think I got them. At least the "core name" thing, which is explained on its third mention, because in the intro and at the beginning of the Biography it would have been just too unwieldy to explain its social function.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 20:18, November 23, 2012 (UTC)
  • Please also check the rest of the article for linking; you might be able to use some links that I added in the intro as reference. I'll continue with "Destruction of the Outbound Flight" once these are addressed. CC7567 (talk) 21:34, November 22, 2012 (UTC)
  • "Thrawn himself spent the time with the only remaining Trade Federation ship": could you clarify what you mean? Do you mean "aboard" the only remaining Trade Federation ship? It's not that clear what the intended meaning is here.
  • "each of the six Dreadnaughts": per the Layout Guide, starship class names should not be italicized without the "-class." However, it would be more proper to refer to the ships by their full name if possible.
    • Fixed. I rather added the "-class" there than listed all the ships names, as they are simply Dreadnaught-One, Dreadnaugh-Two etc.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 07:24, December 8, 2012 (UTC)
  • Both "Storage Core" and "storage core" are used in the article. Please be consistent and choose a single capitalization, preferably the one that the novel uses.
    • It is not capitalized in the novel. I mistakenly took the capitalized spelling from Wook, but Wook is not the source, so that was my bad.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 07:24, December 8, 2012 (UTC)
  • "but the Skywalkers did not know that the remains belonged to Thrass": I think this can be worded a little better so that it's clearer. This currently implies that the Skywalkers didn't know if it was Thrass (hence, it would be entirely unconfirmed if it's Thrass or not); I would suggest wording it as something like "though the Skywalkers were unaware of the fallen Chiss's identity, it was Thrass."
  • I think it would be worth mentioning in the P&T how he was willing to sacrifice himself to save the Outbound Flight survivors; it's a pretty noteworthy part of his personality.
  • Very impressive work. I'll give this one more run-through to make sure everything's good once the above objections are addressed. CC7567 (talk) 22:41, December 5, 2012 (UTC)
Final Attack
  • In the intro, can something be mentioned about the fact that he and Jinzler sacrificed themselves to save the rest of the people on Outbound Flight?
  • "and their reluctant guide, Car'das, to the scene": where exactly is "the scene"? The scene of the battle? Please clarify.
    • Did you actually read the rest of the sentence saying: "where Thrawn had destroyed the Trade Federation task force"? That should identify the scene well enough.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 11:51, December 25, 2012 (UTC)
      • Yeah, that part is clear, but it's a little unclear what it's a scene "of." Given that this sentence starts a new section, where the previous one ends with Ar'alani's investigation beginning, it should be clarified that they went to the scene of the battle. CC7567 (talk) 23:24, December 25, 2012 (UTC)
        • Oh, yeah, right. I didn't understand what you meant at the first time. Fixed now.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 10:10, December 26, 2012 (UTC)
  • "Thrawn himself spent the time on board the only remaining Trade Federation ship, speaking with Doriana and learning more about their mission and Outbound Flight; he used Ar'alani's orders to patrol the area as an excuse to stay away from his base." Did this happen prior to when it's being presented? It sounds like it should be in the pluperfect, e.g. "Thrawn himself had spent the time… he had used Ar'alani's orders," etc. Please clarify.
  • "The radiation being discharged from the bombs killed every living being on board the ships": since you say later that there actually were survivors (the nearly sixty people at the storage core), this isn't necessarily true; I think you mean to say that Thrass, Thrawn, and the others believed this to be true. Please rectify.
    • The operative word there being "ships", storage core, where the survivors were, was not a ship. But I'll see what I can do.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 10:43, December 25, 2012 (UTC)
      • Changed the "ships" into "cruisers" to make it clearer that the storage core is not included in the statement.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 11:51, December 25, 2012 (UTC)
  • "The Aristocra contacted Ar'alani, ordering her to put Thrawn under detention—the Admiral's station in the Defense Hierarchy did not allow her to ignore a direct order from a member of a ruling family." The last clause ("the Admiral's station…") is rather awkwardly attached onto the sentence. It almost sounds like it should be its own sentence, but it's not directly clarified as to how they're related. By saying that Ar'alani couldn't ignore a direct order, do you mean that she did arrest Thrawn? This should be clarified.
  • I think that the last paragraph of the bio can be reworded to match Thrass's perspective. The first thing that should be mentioned from Survivor's Quest is that Thrass's remains remained aboard the Outbound Flight, and then that they were found by the Skywalkers on the expedition. Currently it reads more from the Skywalkers' perspective. CC7567 (talk) 02:14, December 25, 2012 (UTC)
  • Since the Skywalkers found a charric on his corpse, can it be said that Thrass carried a charric? That would be worth noting in the P&T. CC7567 (talk) 20:11, December 26, 2012 (UTC)
    • Good point. I was only thinking it as a way of identification, even when OF has Thrass actually firing the thing. Added.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 21:09, December 26, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

I've got a graduation ceremony coming up in UK on Friday, so I will be away from home for several days. I'm not certain what kind of Internet service our hotel provides, so I don't know if I can get to read Wookieepedia while there, and obviously I won't be having any novels or other source material with me. I'll deal with anything that comes up when I get back, asap. It should still say inside the normal, acceptable time to deal with any objections.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 08:39, November 6, 2012 (UTC)

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 04:03, February 3, 2013 (UTC)