Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Mission to Nar Shaddaa (First Jedi Purge)

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Mission to Nar Shaddaa (First Jedi Purge)

  • Nominated by: –Tm_T (Talk) 12:49, February 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Continuing my article series within WP:KOTOR, time to get this messy series of events sorted with all of your help.

(4 Inqs/3 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Good work, my friend. OLIOSTER (talk) 15:02, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
  2. Nice job working through all my objections. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 07:51, April 19, 2011 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote This is a short one, fellas.—Tommy 9281 Sunday, May 1, 2011, 22:53 UTC
  4. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 20:28, May 9, 2011 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:11, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 16:52, May 21, 2011 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 19:32, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Object

MasterFred
  • I fixed grammar mistakes in the intro and first half of the first paragraph of "Prelude." You may want to check my edits and see what I did. There are still more, so go through and see what you can fix. If you have any questions, just ask. :) Hint: In English, an article adjective is not necessary for proper nouns (ie. Hutt Space and Nal Hutta). MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 13:51, February 14, 2011 (UTC)
    • Noticed what you did, nice. Unfortunately my eyes fails to see what I could fix, so feel free to poke me with details on here or IRC. (: –Tm_T (Talk) 20:24, February 19, 2011 (UTC)
      • I'll try and catch you on IRC today. MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 17:08, February 23, 2011 (UTC)
        • Is there still some of these in need of fixing? –Tm_T (Talk) 15:10, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
          • Sorry, Tm. I thought I had handled this. Forgive me. :) MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 12:39, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
Drive-by
  • "In the meantime, before the Exile had reached Jekk'Jekk Tarr cantina where she was invited by Visquis, she was intervened by one of the bounty hunters, young Human called Mira." "In the meantime, before..." sounds strange; using two time indicators is choppy. 1358 (Talk) 12:49, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
    • Döne. –Tm_T (Talk) 21:08, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
Olioster'd
  • In the prelude section, "....Jedi Exile arrived on Nar Shaddaa Refugee Sector on a mission to find...." "on Nar Shaddaaa Refugee Sector" sounds off to me. Perhaps specify she arrived in Nar Shadda's refugee sector.
  • In the first paragraph of the battle section, "Atton Rand—one of the companions—placed himself to wait her in the Refugee Landing Pad's cantina." Again, the sentence sounds weird to me. Perhaps "decided to wait in the Refugee Landing Pad's cantina". You could probably combine it with the sentence after it too.
  • Little more context on Mira in the battle section.
  • "As the crime lord suddenly revealed through speakers knowing about..." Again, just sounds weird. Perhaps "revealed that he knew of the plot against him".
  • Other than that, good job. OLIOSTER (talk) 21:46, March 23, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thank you for your help, always pleasure. (: –Tm_T (Talk) 15:05, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
Imperators II
  • Why in the "Previous event" field there is only the name of the planet "Peragus II"? Imperators II(Talk) 21:54, March 23, 2011 (UTC)
    • For no reason, thanks for pointing it out. (: –Tm_T (Talk) 15:05, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
Return of the PIE
  • Due to the article's title, I would recommend changing the infobox from a Battle one to a Mission one, or change the article's title to better match the infobox.
    • Will investigate that option soon. (: –Tm_T (Talk) 06:58, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
  • Due to this, you probably need to change "The battle" section to "The mission"
    • Done, and slightly adjusted the placement of the section header. –Tm_T (Talk) 06:58, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
  • A few more things over the infobox. In the Casualties, you need to mention that Hanharr was seriously injured and several Ubese warriors were killed. Also, aren't several other bounty hunters of mixed species also killed during that bar battle?
    • You are right about Hanharr, will have to think if player actually need to kill those Jek patrons or ubese mercs. –Tm_T (Talk) 06:58, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
      • I believe you have to kill at least some of the patrons and Ubese to get past that part of the mission.
  • In the Prelude section, give some more context on the Jedi bounty put up by G0-T0. Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't a bounty for alive Jedi?
    • That bounty propably needs article of its own, it's such a mess. Goto meant it to be living Jedi Exile, but he didn't name the Jedi so it was just a bounty for a Jedi, which was interpreted by the bounty hunters as any Jedi "living or dead". It's hard to give the context for the bounty as there's no one clear POV about it. –Tm_T (Talk) 06:58, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
  • Also in the Prelude section, "As Visquis set a trap for the Exile with his invitation, bounty hunters began their attack on the Jedi Exile and G0-T0." Do you mean the bounty hunters that Visquis hired? If so, mention it.
    • No, it was both bounty hunters trying to collect the bounty on a Jedi, and those who were hired by Visquis/Vogga. Once again, a bit mess, would need lenghty explanation. –Tm_T (Talk) 06:58, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
  • "...hindered the crime organization's operations on the moon until the Jedi was invited to meet the Quarren." You probably should mention the Jekk'Jekk Tarr cantina at the end of the sentance, because where it's placed now in The battle section sounds a bit akward.
    • Done. –Tm_T (Talk) 06:58, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
  • In The battle section, "Waking from the bounty hunter's drugs after hearing Zez-Kai Ell telling her what had happened to Mira, the Jedi Exile followed her, fighting through masses of thugs and other patrons of the Jekk'Jekk Tarr." First, you need to mention that Master Ell found the Exile unsconcious and woke her up. Second, you need to give context on the Jekk'Jekk Tarr catina, such as the fact it was an alien only catina filled with poisonous gas. This gas effected the battle because the Exile didn't have a vac-suit and had to use a force trick Kreia taught her.
    • You are right, will do it. –Tm_T (Talk) 06:58, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
  • I will continue my review after you have addressed these. It's a very good article, just needs a little more context here and there. Kilson 23:48, April 1, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thanks (: –Tm_T (Talk) 06:58, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • "by kidnapping his transportations": can you clarify what you mean here? It sounds like you're trying to say "transports," but I'm unsure.
    • Ye, I prolly mean transports, tried to clarify it well.
  • "the crime lord instructed bounty hunters": which crime lord is this, G0-T0 or Vogga? Please clarify.
    • Done.
      • Especially at section breaks or where a new paragraph starts, it's best to directly refer to characters by name. I've gone ahead and done that for you here, but just something to think about for the future. CC7567 (talk) 03:03, May 8, 2011 (UTC)
  • "she was captured to make sure that the Jedi would come after her": it's rather unclear whom the last part of the sentence is referring to. Did she allow herself to be captured "to make sure the Jedi would come after her," or did Visquis capture her "to make sure the Jedi would come after her"? Please clarify.
    • Captured to be an extra bait instead of killed, did clarify.
  • "the destabilization of crime throughout the entire sector": which "sector" is this, exactly? The Refugee Sector? The sector of space that contained Nar Shaddaa? Hutt Space? Please clarify.
    • IIRC sources doesn't mention more then "the sector" but I'm quite sure it means the Hutt Space, so clarified.
  • The article was slightly lacking in linking and grammar in certain areas. I would recommend thoroughly double-checking the article to make sure that everything is in order. CC7567 (talk) 07:33, May 5, 2011 (UTC)
    • Went thru, looking good for me. Thank you for all the help. (: –Tm_T (Talk) 10:37, May 5, 2011 (UTC)
  • "and he felt it would help if they were occupied with him instead": who is "they" referring to here? The way the sentence is set up, it could mean either the Republic or the Hutts, and it's best to clarify it directly. Also, it doesn't seem like G0-T0's coveting of this business is mentioned in the main body of the article anywhere, so please try to get it in somewhere.
    • I'm confused by that sentence too now, but I assume it makes more sense being about Hutts (or maybe it should just go). And I hope the related section on main body makes sense too.
  • "and the Visionary was destroyed by the starfighters that had arrived": can you clarify whom these starfighters were aligned with? Same thing in "The battle" section: "was boarded by a number of bounty hunters and attacked by several starfighters." I'm assuming in both cases that they're aligned with Vogga, but please clarify.
    • I can assume those were Voggas mercs and those bounty hunters who didn't like Goto trying to prevent them collecting the bounty, but there's no sources that mention who exactly they really were AFAIK. Not sure how I can go expressing what is known more clearly without speculating a bit.
      • If there's not enough info to link them to a specific faction, that's fine. (It might be worth checking around a bit to see if a source does clarify this somewhere, but I'm going to leave that as a recommendation rather than an official objection.) However, the infobox is a little inconsistent with this issue; the "unidentified starfighters" are actually listed with Visquis's faction. Or are these some different starfighters? CC7567 (talk) 05:33, May 13, 2011 (UTC)
        • Would it work if it states that the action of the fighters helped Vogga? I think something like that would be best if there's no clear sources. –Tm_T (Talk) 12:53, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
          • I did go ahead and tried this solution. –Tm_T (Talk) 16:23, May 21, 2011 (UTC)
  • For the main quote, can you provide context for Fassa in the quote captain, since the individual isn't mentioned anywhere else?
    • Done in bare minimum, let me know if it suffices.
  • Regarding the Prelude quote: when Mira says "his" and "he," who is she referring to?
    • Done?
      • When you say, "he'd have every," it sounds like that "he" is referring to Vogga or someone other than G0-T0, but this individual isn't mentioned in the quote caption—that's what I'm looking for. Please clarify. CC7567 (talk) 05:33, May 13, 2011 (UTC)
        • I believe it's referring to the "anyone" in the quote, I have no idea how I could clarify it without going to lenghty explanation, ideas? –Tm_T (Talk) 07:13, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
  • "G0-T0 believed that in the long run, losing Telos IV's restoration project due to the lack of fuel since the destruction of its previous fuel source would be a lesser evil": I get what you're trying to say here, but can you set up this sentence better? Here it's implied that the Republic will lose fuel (and subsequently, the Telos restoration project) without Vogga's business, but you don't directly clarify it. It might be better to treat this in a chronological manner instead of the way it's formatted now: you can say something like, "Since the destruction of the previous fuel source of Telos IV's restoration project, the Republic required Vogga's business to maintain the project, but G0-T0 felt that losing the project was better than…" Let me know if you need help with this.
    • Tried some.
  • "and placed her in a hidden compartment": where exactly was this compartment? Somewhere in the city?
    • It has the context now.
  • "Visquis ordered his Ubese mercenaries to attack the Jedi, but instead they struck down Visquis, displaying their loyalty to G0-T0": if possible, can you provide more context for why the Ubese mercenaries were loyal to G0-T0 (and why Visquis didn't know this)? Did G0-T0 approach them and hire them for himself prior to the conflict? Please clarify somewhere.
    • Tried some, not happy as is so will try something hopefully soon.
      • I'm striking the objection for now since it was basically satisfied, but if you come up with anything else that can be added to improve the article, please do. If possible, the Prelude section should incorporate something about the mercenaries' loyalty to G0-T0. CC7567 (talk) 05:33, May 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • That should be it from me. CC7567 (talk) 03:03, May 8, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thanks for all your findings (: –Tm_T (Talk) 20:47, May 10, 2011 (UTC)
Green Tentacle
  • The intro does a better job of explaining G0-T0's plan than the article, particularly fearing that the Hutts would bankrupt the Republic and wanting to keep them occupied. Can you make this clearer in the main thing.
    • Added a sentence, let me know if it's too cloumsy.
  • Prelude: "[Vogga] became one of the targets of G0-T0's activities for supporting the Galactic Republic and ensuring its reasonable infrastructure and resources." This sounds like G0-T0 targeted Vogga because the Hutt was supporting the Republic. Is that right? If not, please reword.
    • It's goto's attempt to support, hopefully it works now.
  • The mission: Is there a good reason for the line breaks in the quote? Makes it look like a conversation.
    • It's the original rhythm from the source, I can take the linebreaks away too.
  • The mission: "[G0-T0] told the Jedi that she was to be kept away from involving herself in the events that affected the stability of the galaxy." What events?
    • Any events that affected the stability, goto planned to imprison her until he was done his restabilization. I tried to clarify.
  • Behind the scenes: "The mission to Nar Shaddaa was introduced as the final battle series of the player's journey to the moon…" Doesn't "mission to Nar Shaddaa" imply the whole trip rather than just the last part of it? Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:32, May 15, 2011 (UTC)
    • Ah, yes, whole trip, clarified. –Tm_T (Talk) 07:13, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
Moffship
  • Just one - you mention that Atton killed the Twin Suns in the cantina, but IIRC, they were merely incapacitated, only to be killed later aboard the Visionary.
    • Indeed, my inadequate attention to this article allowed it to slip in, it is fixed now.
  • Good work. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 20:53, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thanks, it has received plenty of help. (: –Tm_T (Talk) 16:23, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 19:32, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for the pre-nom help from the whole WookieeProject Knights of the Old Republic, especially the helpful folks at the project channel. (: –Tm_T (Talk) 12:49, February 13, 2011 (UTC)