Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Alaris Prime colonial war

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Alaris Prime colonial war

  • Nominated by: Commander Code-8 Hello There! 03:31, 13 April 2021 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: After seven years I return to the FAN page.
  • WookieeProject (optional):

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)

Support

  1. Superb work. OtterSurf (talk) 10:16, 28 June 2021 (UTC)
  2. Very nice job. DwartiiDelver (talk) 22:58, 6 July 2021 (UTC)
  3. Great work, this was very ambitious. JediMasterMacaroniAdmiral Ackbar RH(Talk) 03:26, 8 July 2021 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Nice job with this campaign. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 14:06, 3 August 2021 (UTC)
  5. Nice work! ~ D MCCG D MCCG (chat) 17:56, 5 September 2021 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Imperators II(Talk) 09:38, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Supreme Emperor Holocomm 16:57, 20 September 2021 (UTC)

Object

Fan
  • The Thalmussen should be contexualized as a transport.
  • "[Attichitcuk] established a small camp north of the landing site, leaving behind markers so that his fellow Wookiees could find him easily" I would say "...the other Wookiees" works better. Less wordy is always a good choice.
  • "Shortly afterwards a Trade Federation B1 battle droid named OOL-2 discovered the remains of the power core destroyed by Chewbacca and Shoran and reported its destruction to the Trade Federation Viceroy Nute Gunray, attributing the destruction to the gundarks." "the destruction" -> "it". Again, less wordy is probably better.
  • "With a force of eleven Wookiees, including Chewbacca,[7] the Wookiees marched towards Attichitcuk's position," I reccomend switching to "A force of eleven Wookiees, including Chewbacca, marched..." Fan26 (Talk) 17:16, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
Macaroni
  • Ref four needs to be fully linked.
    • Done.
  • Can you please explain why the war starts with the Attack on Attichitcuk's camp? The switch from the prelude to the war is not entirely clear.
    • Because the conflict has three factions and that attack is the earliest battle between any of them.
  • It seems that Death/Legends can be linked earlier than it currently is in body.
    • That spot?
      • Eh, eradicate makes more sense, actually. Not sure what I was thinking of.
  • "which was granted and subsequently constructed in Chewbacca's camp" implies that the permission was constructed.
    • Moved the construction part to the next sentence.
  • "...Wookiees' final assault on the Trade Federation's main base, which was known as the Battle for Alaris Prime" -- I see what you're trying to say here, but it almost seems like the base was known as the Battle for Alaris Prime.
    • Well the icon for the level is just the TF fortress, so you may have blown this thing wide open. I think that's clearer
  • "Jinn landed on Alaris Prime" -- wait, he wasn't on the moon the entire time?
    • So he gives instructions remotely the entire time, which I mentioned in the first landings section and I thought that was enough. However, I've changed it to the say he arrived at the base because his transmissions to the Jedi Council at the start of the campaign are made from Alaris Prime, so he was probably either in orbit or another location until the last battle. Commander Code-8 Hello There! 09:16, 11 June 2021 (UTC)
  • Take a look at this copy-edit for a few places that needed and didn't need commas. JediMasterMacaroniAdmiral Ackbar RH(Talk) 19:21, 10 June 2021 (UTC)
UberSoldat
  • Second intro paragraph can use a break.
  • Duplicate refs in first paragraph of "Chewbacca's leadership."
  • Dangling participle: "Shoran then spotted a strike force of beetle droids and Battle Droid Beta Versions commanded by LUH-989 heading for Chewbacca's camp, which he warned Jinn about."
  • This is a bit of a run-on, please split: "Further battles with the Trade Federation still occurred into the Clone Wars,[9] where the Trade Federation joined the Confederacy, which attacked Wookiee settlements on Alaris Prime and later enslaved most of the colonists there, although they were freed in the battle on Alaris."
  • Just to be sure, have you investigated everything here? UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 18:55, 17 July 2021 (UTC)
Imp
  • If what's currently in the Galactic Battlegrounds article is correct, the game begins with either this conflict (39 BBY-36 BBY) or the Battle of Naboo (32 BBY), depending on one's definition of a "tutorial campaign" with respect to the "prologue" concept used in the Layout Guide. Per the linked section of the LG, GB should accordingly be sorted under Appearances by 39 BBY or 32 BBY, and Darth Plagueis, the first part of which begins in 67 BBY, should be sorted by that date in turn. Imperators II(Talk) 14:41, 25 August 2021 (UTC)
    • The earliest portion of the game is actually the first three levels of the Gungan campaign, set in 3000 BBY, and it falls under the large time frame stipulation of the LG. Commander Code-8 Hello There! 00:52, 26 August 2021 (UTC)
      • Fair enough; at first I didn't realize that the 32 BBY portions of Battlefront II used as an example in the policy may not necessarily be the first portion of the game despite being chronologically earliest. Imperators II(Talk) 16:30, 5 September 2021 (UTC)
  • You've got consecutive identical refs in the first paragraph of "Chewbacca's leadership". Imperators II(Talk) 16:30, 5 September 2021 (UTC)
  • Under "The Trade Federation attacks", you say "The Trade Federation had also decided to eradicate the gundarks", but the previous section, "The gundark threat", already establishes that "Gunray ordered OOL-2 to locate the gundarks, eradicate them, and deliver their pelts to the Trandoshans", so the former reads rather redundant given the existence of the latter.
  • "sentinel strike mechs" — I, for one, have no clue what a "strike mech" is, so... should all three words just be pipelinked to Sentinel (Wookiees)? And should that article reflect the "strike mech" terminology as well, and should it possibly have an article of its own? Also, the capitalization of "sentinel" doesn't match between this article and that one - can you confirm that lowercase is correct?
    • RPG mechanics time, so strike mechs are a type of unit created at mech factories and each civilization has a unique one, other units considered strike mechs include gian speeders and STAPs. For now I've removed the strike mech description here on the basis that I wouldn't do it if it was one of those other previously established vehicles. An article for it might be veering too far into game mechanic territory for the Wook. Regarding capitalization, GB capitalizes every unit name so I'm not 100% on whether that should be done on the Wook too, but for now I've added the caps here.
      • The same issue remains with the word "mech", I'm not seeing either an article on Wikipedia or an appropriate entry in an English dictionary, so I've no idea as a reader what the term means.
  • From what I can see, the fact that it was specifically Gunray who dispatched the Droid Army to Alaris Prime, and secretly at that, is intro-exclusive. Imperators II(Talk) 21:17, 17 September 2021 (UTC)
    • I've removed that part, turns out there's nothing in the game that attributes it to Gunray alone. Commander Code-8 Hello There! 01:45, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
      • The intro-exclusivity of the Trade Federation's actions being secret remains. If they're not specified as being secret in the body, it could just as easily be interpreted that the Federation just openly showed a middle finger to the Senate. Imperators II(Talk) 09:11, 18 September 2021 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 16:59, 20 September 2021 (UTC)