Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Xor

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Xor

(3 ACs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote Assuming Jinzler's objections are satisfied. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:22, March 30, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Jinzler (talk) 14:55, March 31, 2013 (UTC)
  3. Never found this guy, then again I didn't talk to Juhani very much. Commander Code-8 G'day, mate 23:43, April 2, 2013 (UTC)
  4. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 21:45, April 19, 2013 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 15:06, April 23, 2013 (UTC)
  6. Supreme Emperor (talk) 21:34, April 25, 2013 (UTC)
  7. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 22:41, April 28, 2013 (UTC)

Object

Floyd has one thing
  • "Xor saw the daughter, Juhani, and attempted to buy her from the black market." The intro says that this is on the auction blocks, but this place goes unmentioned in the bio. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 02:02, March 29, 2013 (UTC)
Jinzler
  • In the first paragraph of the Biography section, the word "fighting" is mentioned three times, in close succession. Could you try and vary the wording here a bit?
  • This is admittedly a bit nit-picky; you mention in the introduction that Revan was a Padawan during his search for the Star Forge, but you fail to do so in the body of the article, so the fact that he was a Padawan at that time is technically unsourced at the moment.
  • This article is currently included in the "Exchange members" category, but no mention of Xor having Exchange affiliation is made in the article. Can you confirm whether or not this is correct?
  • A great little article, it's always good to see more KOTOR on the GAN page. --Jinzler (talk) 08:36, March 29, 2013 (UTC)
CC-8
  • <Can you link to the battle of cathar when mentioning the Mando attack?
  • "Xor saw the daughter" This would be better if written like "Xor saw the Cathar's daughter"
  • I'm assuming this guy can find Revan on any of the main planets in KOTOR, can you say this in the Bts. Commander Code-8 G'day, mate 07:17, April 2, 2013 (UTC)
Cav
Attack of the Clone
  • "and the injured Twi'lek unsuccessfully attempted to cause Juhani to murder him": This objection borders on personal preference, as I'm not a big fan of the word "cause" when it can be rather static/neutral-sounding, but what exactly do you mean here? That he attempted to goad Junahi to murder him? If it's something along those lines, I think rewording this bit would be helpful. This also applies to the sentence "Xor attempted to cause Juhani to give in to her hatred for him" in the P&T.
  • A bit of context needed on Cassus Fett.
  • "He was injured during the battle, and after the Mandalorians had nearly wiped out the Cathar, Xor eventually was prevented from participating in warfare." I'm getting pickier and picker, but I'm not sure about the passive voice ("was prevented") that's being used here. I think you mean that his injuries prevented him from participating in warfare, so if that's the intended meaning, perhaps you could reword it to slightly avoid using passive voice here. I'm also a little unsure about "warfare": do you mean that he couldn't participate in warfare in general after the battle, or that his injuries were temporary enough to keep him just out of the remainder of the battle on Cathar? The way that "warfare" is being used right now isn't quite clear, so I would suggest rewording that as well. Please see what you can do.
  • "After Revan refused, Xor vowed to capture her when he confronted her later after Juhani threatened to kill the Twi'lek for his actions against her people. Sometime afterward, Xor and two cronies": the multiple uses of "after"/"afterward" make the chronology of this passage a bit confusing; I think it can be worded more clearly without condensing it in this way.
    • It's still a bit unclear as to whether Revan's refusal or Junahi's threatening to kill Xor come first, as both are connected to the same clause with "after" in different places. Please fix by rewording somehow. CC7567 (talk) 01:06, April 24, 2013 (UTC)
  • "When Revan and Juhani defeated him when he attempted to capture her": to some extent, the same issue as the last objection, though not as extreme. Try to see if you can reword it without using so many time-based conjunctions, i.e. "when" in this case.
  • Could you vary one of the uses of "encountered" in the P&T?
  • Any relevant images that can be added? Maybe one of Juhani (or Revan)?
  • "Alternatively, the player can convince Juhani to give in to her anger and kill Xor." Does this have to do with light side/dark side points? If so, that would be worth mentioning in the Bts. CC7567 (talk) 23:32, April 23, 2013 (UTC)
    • All done, I think. Regarding the last objection, the dialogue choices do not affect alignment for either the PC or Juhani.—Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 00:18, April 24, 2013 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 22:41, April 28, 2013 (UTC)