Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Unidentified young new recruit

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Unidentified young new recruit

  • Nominated by: LelalMekha 13:06, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:My first try at GA. I'ts been hard, but I thank Eyerezer and R5-X41238-G8-R3-3124-D2 for their help.

(3 ACs/6 Users/9 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Pre-nom review. --Eyrezer 23:31, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
  2. Clone Commander Lee Talk 13:20, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
  3. Nice work, LM. I love that we have people who write articles like this on Wookieepedia. :) ~SavageBOB sig 19:37, May 2, 2012 (UTC)
  4. R5-X41238-G8-R3-3124-D2 13:19, May 6, 2012 (UTC)
  5. Menkooroo 21:59, May 10, 2012 (UTC)
  6. Interesting game, and nice work. Cade Calrayn GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit 22:11, May 10, 2012 (UTC)
  7. Plagueis327 23:11, May 10, 2012 (UTC)
  8. ACvote—Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 03:19, May 11, 2012 (UTC)
  9. ACvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 11:01, May 18, 2012 (UTC)

Object

Savaged…
  • Just one for now, then I'll do a full review. The Jawa's name is Tili Tili. He or she gives you a certificate for completing the song minigame, and this includes the Jawa's signature, revealing the name. Will get to the rest in a bit! ~SavageBOB sig 14:02, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
    • I included Tili Tili's name in the article, and created a stub article for this Jawa.--LelalMekha 08:56, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
  • OK, here's the rest. Since the date 32 BBY never is mentioned in The Phantom Menace or Yoda's Challenge, you'll need to cite another source for the date. I'd suggest The New Essential Chronology.
    • Done.--LelalMekha 15:33, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
      • The first mention of 32 BBY in the body needs this source as well. And why prior to 32 BBY? Anakin has already been brought to the Jedi Temple, and the Battle of Naboo has occurred, so we can assume these events are in 32 BBY, in my opinion. ~SavageBOB sig 14:52, April 8, 2012 (UTC)
        • Fixed. As far as I can tell, the "prior" only features in the infobox. It may have been in the body of the article earlier, but I don't think it was my doing.--LelalMekha 12:32, April 14, 2012 (UTC)
  • The first paragraph should be from the young recruit's POV, not Yoda's. We're told Yoda did this and that and then the recruit came, but think about rewriting this as the recruit would have experienced it. It might help to rewrite the first sentence in the reverse of how you have it for instance: The young recruit meets Obi-Wan, who recruits the recruit. The recruit boards a ship and travels to Coruscant, where the recruit is ushered to see Yoda, who has been waiting there, etc.
    • Fixed. (Hope the sentences make sense.)--LelalMekha 15:33, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
  • You need to cite a source for the final clause of the first paragraph of "Early life."
    • Done in the rewrite job.--LelalMekha 15:33, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
  • "but the Grand Master seemed..." I'd recommend rewording this, as it sounds speculative. Did Yoda trust the youth or no?
  • The second paragraph of "Early life" seems somewhat redundant. We're told in the first paragraph that the recruit comes to Coruscant and gets commissioned by Yoda. Then in the second paragraph, we learn the exact same thing with a bit of added background. I'd suggest merging the two paragraphs into one and only mentioning the commission once, not twice.
  • "Queen Amidala challenged Jar Jar Binks with a race between races." Is this the correct quote? It sounds odd.
    • At least the quote does sound like that in my French-speaker's ears. But I might be wrong.--LelalMekha 15:33, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
  • You'll need to cite a different source for Amidala and Jar Jar's titles; as far as I can remember, they aren't mentioned in the game.
    • Mentioned TMP for Jar Jar's title. The game does mention Amidala is Queen.--LelalMekha 15:33, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
  • You can probably go into a smidgen more detail on the minigames. LIke in "Victory Races of Naboo," you could mention that each contestant was on a separate species of mount and that the mounts had different preferred terrains. For the Sacred Forest game, perhaps give an example of two of the types of traps that were involved. For the computer game, perhaps give a couple of examples of the files that were restored. For the 3PO game, perhaps give a brief example of one of the stories. For the song game, you can mention that most of the songs directly referenced events from Anakin's life or from the Battle of Naboo.
    • Mentioned one of the tales taught to C-3PO, mentioned the steeds during the Victory Races, the themes of the songs, two examples of the retrieved files on the computer and two types of trap used in the Forest.--LelalMekha 09:15, April 15, 2012 (UTC)
  • Is it ten jewel keys per door, or are there ten keys and ten doors?
    • Ten per door. Fixed.--LelalMekha 15:33, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
  • Why does Obi-Wan want to find sacred clamshells?
    • At the resquest of the Gungans, according to my notes. Fixed.--LelalMekha 15:33, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
  • What were the treasures of the clamshells?
    • The sad thing is the game won't work with my brand new opertaing system, so I just can't check anymore.
      • I checked my copy; looks like the doors hold golden statues of animals. I didn't see any mention of clamshells, so I removed that bit. Also, are you running Windows 7? I can run the game in that OS, but not my Mac anymore. :( ~SavageBOB sig 14:52, April 8, 2012 (UTC)
  • "it was suggested to the recruit that he help put together a songbook" ... Who suggested this? Can you rephrase in active voice?
  • I think this particular Bith band and cantina deserve articles, so I've added some redlinks.
  • It should be possible to give a specific number for the songs, rather than the vague "few dozen."
  • I'm not sure they write the songs -- 3PO says they are Anakin's favorite songs, so we can assume they have already been written. Rather, I think what the recruit is doing is inputting them into the music computer.
  • Where is that blue thing called a Tiperoo? I don't remember anything being said about it in the game.
    • Same problem than with the clamshell treasures, alack!--LelalMekha 15:33, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
      • Did you get that name from your notes? Or from some other source? Do you remember it being mentioned in the game? I can check if you think it's named somewhere. ~SavageBOB sig 14:52, April 8, 2012 (UTC)
        • I think it was named in the mini-game itslef, otherwise I have no clue. The name "Tiperoo" was added long ago to the "Yoda's Challenge" article, though.--LelalMekha 09:19, April 15, 2012 (UTC)
  • You should find out as specifically as possible what the musical input device is called and give it a link and article (what you're currently calling the musical keyboard).
    • Couldn't find better. The game just won't work anymore on my bike, so I can rely on memories and notes only. :( --LelalMekha 12:32, April 14, 2012 (UTC)
  • The tangram puzzles in P&T come out of nowhere. Perhaps add earlier in the article that fixing the queen's computer required solving such puzzles? That's it! Sorry it's a lot. The article is really good as is; this is just the final spit and polish! :) ~SavageBOB sig 14:14, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
    • I added the mention of tangrams in the P&T based on descriptions/adverts for the game. I should have added it to the bio too. Looks like LelalMekla has now added that to the bio, too. --Eyrezer 00:52, April 9, 2012 (UTC)
  • Bit more: Do we know that Yoda had just returned from Naboo and the funeral? Do we really know if it's been a matter of hours, days, or even weeks since The Phantom Menace?
    • I think this is based on the opening scroll, which as you may know, only states that "The cost of victory was great. Qui-Gon and many brave Gungans and Naboo perished in the final battle. Much still remains to be accomplished. Yoda has returned to the Palace of the Jedi, where he awaits the arrival of a young new recruit sent by Obi-Wan". I guess that does not justify the use of "just". Removed. --Eyrezer 00:52, April 9, 2012 (UTC)
  • Plus, the game makes no mention of the funeral of Qui-Gon, so that bit of information needs to be sourced to The Phantom Menace rather than the game.
    • Done. --Eyrezer 12:30, April 11, 2012 (UTC)
  • Is Kenobi involved in the maze game on Naboo? I don't think he is mentioned. ~SavageBOB sig 14:52, April 8, 2012 (UTC)
    • After triple-checking, he's not. It seems there was some amount of confusion between this game and another "Early Activity Center", which features a similar game on Naboo, whence the erroneous involvement of clams and Kenobi. I might have been mislead by Star Wars: Yoda's Challenge Activity Center article, which does mention them -- obviously in error.--LelalMekha 12:32, April 14, 2012 (UTC)
  • OK, just a couple more things! I'm not sure on the precedent on articles on individual specimens of non-sentient species. Do we have articles on Luke and Han's tauntauns, for instance? In other words, either Jar Jar's mount need's to be made more specific (Jar Jar Binks's kaadu) or Padmé Amidala's tusk cat needs to simply point to tusk cat. In my opinion, things have already gotten ridiculous enough with articles expected for each individual background sentient pictured in a comic book, for instance; I'd hate to see us set precedent that every single non-sentient creature ever appearing in a Star Wars source needs an individual article... :/
  • On the other hand, I think the statues and the maze should probably get articles. And with that, we should be golden! ~SavageBOB sig 13:50, May 2, 2012 (UTC)
    • There was an article about Yoda's kybuck, so I thought Amidala's tusk-cat would be all right. But I wouldn't particularly argue in favor of its preservation. On the ohter hand, as you say, I should make a stub about the statues, but I don't quite know what to put in them. Wouldn't the Gungan caves article be enough to cover the subject of the maze, though?--LelalMekha 18:19, May 2, 2012 (UTC)
      • Whoops; yeah, the caves should be enough. I'll let you decide if you would rather make an article for Jar Jar's mount or remove the link to Amidala's; just be consistent. The wider question of whether individual specimens of non-sentient creatures need articles should be decided in a Senate Hall or Consensus Track discussion, I think. ~SavageBOB sig 18:25, May 2, 2012 (UTC)
        • I shall remove the link for now. I won't create an article about Jar Jar's kaadu, because I think this should be discussed as you suggested. I'm now going to create an article about the statues.--LelalMekha 18:38, May 2, 2012 (UTC)
        • It is done. The article about the statues looks a bit messy as of yet (too many subsections for such a small article, perhaps?) but I'll give it a cleanup soon.--LelalMekha 19:22, May 2, 2012 (UTC)
Lee's charge
  • Intro: Context for Naboo and the Chosen One.
    • Fixed (though I suppressed the Chosen One reference ansd replaced it with "rising star of the Jedi Order". "Chosen One" is a bit long to explain, so I chose to do it only in the body of the article.--LelalMekha 08:56, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
  • Intro: responsibility of Master Yoda. Yoda assigned various : Could you please change your wording so that the use of Yoda is not so near to each other?
  • Bio: Why is there no headline for the first part of the bio?
    • There are few interesting quotes, as a matter of fact. I've just added one that could fit, but it's quite the "Captain Obvious" quote.--LelalMekha 14:41, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
      • The quote is a good addition, but actually I was looking for a headline like "Restoring peace on Naboo" if you understand what I mean. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:47, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
        • Sadly, I couldn't find a better quote.--LelalMekha 11:28, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
          • Please take a look at my change and feel free to change the headline if you think another title is more appropiate. Clone Commander Lee Talk 12:11, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
            • Ah, I see. There was a linguistic misunderstanding ; when you said "headline", I just interpreted it as "quote". :$ My mistake. But this "early life" title works pretty well.--LelalMekha 12:35, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
  • Bio: Context for Gungans and Naboo as well as the Chosen One.
  • Bio: The recruit explored a maze of tunnels, filled with little red spiders and covered with mysterious carvings. Together, they successfully discovered : Together with whom?
    • With Kenobi. It's been added.--LelalMekha 14:41, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
  • P&T: While Jedi Initiates were usually attached to a clan under the training of an instructor and rarely left the Jedi Temple,[4] the young recruit traveled from Coruscant to both Naboo and Tatooine.: Why is this in the P&T?
    • I put this un the P&T because it helps emphasize the exceptional relation of trust between the recruit and their instructors. They must have flet he or she was strong in the Forcen otherwise they wouldn't have allowed it.--LelalMekha 08:56, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
      • Then please elaborate this a little bit more in the article. Clone Commander Lee Talk 10:35, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
        • I added something in the 2d paragraph of the "history" section. Hope that will fit the bill.--LelalMekha 11:28, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
          • Good addition, but you still need to explain why this trade is important for the P&T. You can achive this by adding e.g. Yoda showed trust in the recruit as he tasked him with tasks that included venturing offworld, which was rather unusual or something like that. Clone Commander Lee Talk 12:11, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
            • Understood. I made an addition in this fashion in the P&T.--LelalMekha 12:35, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
  • BtS: Please state the games were Korr and Surik are from.
  • Very good work on your first GAN. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:08, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
Recruit
  • In the biography's first paragraph, ref [3] appears twice in a row. Is this a mistake?
    • Not really a mistake, but if you think it isn't necessary, I can just remove it right away.--LelalMekha 17:32, May 10, 2012 (UTC)
      • The same ref should never appear twice in a row. If a block of text can all be reffed to one source, then the ref only goes at the end of that block. There's no reason to randomly stick the same ref in the middle of that text block. Menkooroo 20:34, May 10, 2012 (UTC)
        • Very well. There you are, then. :)--LelalMekha 20:42, May 10, 2012 (UTC)
  • That's all. Great work. I've redlinked tangram puzzle, since if it exists in SW, it should get an article. You're allowed two redlinks, though, so it's all good. Menkooroo 03:25, May 9, 2012 (UTC)
    • Just a comment: that seems a bit like linking something like, "Han Solo made a pun." That is, an English word with no special significance to warrant an article here. Just my two creds. :) ~SavageBOB sig 12:40, May 9, 2012 (UTC)
      • The difference is that it's a tangible thing with which one can interact, like chess or dejarik or chair. It's not just a type of expression. Menkooroo 18:31, May 9, 2012 (UTC)
        • I still disagree, since the game never uses the words "tangram puzzle." That's just what it is. In-game, it's simply a computer bug. but I think a broader site-wide CT needs to be made on English terms used as English terms, so it's probably off-topic for this nom. ~SavageBOB sig 19:06, May 9, 2012 (UTC)
          • Removed the redlink since the game doesn't name it. Thanks for the clarification. :) Menkooroo 19:54, May 9, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 11:01, May 18, 2012 (UTC)


  • Lelal, I'm in a crunch time with school right now, but I will hopefully be able to check the various things I've objected to above sometime soon. I just wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten about this nomination, and I don't intend to see it fail due to you not being able to play the game anymore. Stay tuned. ~SavageBOB sig 02:23, April 17, 2012 (UTC)
    • Well, thank you. It goes through a very infortunate set of circumstances, but I hope it'll end up working. Cheers.--LelalMekha 12:38, April 17, 2012 (UTC)
      • OK, done. I confirmed that it's called a Tiperoo (Yoda calls it that when you use the "help" command and click on it. They call the musical thing a "keyboard," so that's fine too. ~SavageBOB sig 13:50, May 2, 2012 (UTC)