- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Unidentified medical supply merchant
- Nominated by: --Cal Jedi
(Personal Comm Channel) 16:48, November 11, 2011 (UTC) - Nomination comments:Another small GAnom for WP:TOR.
(4 ACs/1 Users/5 Total)
Support
- You can still mention that he was elderly at the point when Koorid visited his shop. Good work. Clone Commander Lee Talk 19:29, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 04:01, November 14, 2011 (UTC)- Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:55, November 15, 2011 (UTC)
Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 19:21, November 23, 2011 (UTC)- Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 09:35, November 29, 2011 (UTC)
Object
Lee's charge
You call him "elderly" wholeout the article. However he was not elderly during his whole life, so please rewrite to something like "around [date] he was an elderly..."- Well, I disagree. The way I said it was that an elderly man tended a warehouse, signifying that he was elderly while he was tending this warehouse. What do you think?
- Than say something like that he was a human male and around [date]] when he was elderly, he run this warehouse. Clone Commander Lee Talk 19:16, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
- Check it out.--Cal Jedi (Personal Comm Channel) 19:27, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
- Check it out.--Cal Jedi
- Than say something like that he was a human male and around [date]] when he was elderly, he run this warehouse. Clone Commander Lee Talk 19:16, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
- Well, I disagree. The way I said it was that an elderly man tended a warehouse, signifying that he was elderly while he was tending this warehouse. What do you think?
- And that's all. Good work. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:37, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review!--Cal Jedi (Personal Comm Channel) 19:04, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review!--Cal Jedi
Jujiggum
"An human male"? "An male human"? …- ...Heh. Fixed.
"The man, a former nurse, sold smuggler Zeerid Korr a hoverchair and a course on how to run it for Korr's seven-year old crippled daughter, Arra Yooms, in the year 3,653 BBY." This makes it sound like Korr got the hoverchair in exchange for his daughter.- Heh, switched around.
"…the smuggler Zeerid Korr went to the warehouse the man was tending to buy a hoverchair for his crippled daughter, Arra Yooms." A bit of grammar confusion here, too.- See if that helps.
"…for eighty-seven thousand credits, which Korr paid for with a bearer card." This one grammatically says that Korr paid for the credits with a bearer card; not the hoverchair.- Done.
Do we know whether or not Korr ever went back the next day? (I can't remember if Korr left the world that same day—in which case we can say that he didn't come back to fill out the forms—or if there was some time in between when he might have gone back)- It doesn't say that he went back, obviously, so I don't think that we should add anything to the article. He didn't leave the planet right away, so he could have gone back.--Cal Jedi (Personal Comm Channel) 03:21, November 14, 2011 (UTC)
- It doesn't say that he went back, obviously, so I don't think that we should add anything to the article. He didn't leave the planet right away, so he could have gone back.--Cal Jedi
No mention in the P&T that he also considered the hoverchair to be a fine product?- Added.--Cal Jedi (Personal Comm Channel) 03:10, November 14, 2011 (UTC)
- Added.--Cal Jedi
I don't think the separate source for the year 3,653 BBY is necessary; can you not just source it to the novel?- Per this.--Cal Jedi (Personal Comm Channel) 03:07, November 14, 2011 (UTC)
- Good deal. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 04:01, November 14, 2011 (UTC)
- Per this.--Cal Jedi
- Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 16:06, November 13, 2011 (UTC)
Moffship
Ordinarily I'd prefer to see sentences condensed, but I feel this one should be split up to make things clearer: "The man, a former nurse, sold smuggler Zeerid Korr a hoverchair and a course on how to run it to give to Korr's seven-year-old crippled daughter, Arra Yooms, in the year 3,653 BBY."- See what you think.
- I made a few tweaks. Feel free to modify them if you'd like. Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 19:21, November 23, 2011 (UTC)
- I made a few tweaks. Feel free to modify them if you'd like. Grand Moff Tranner
- See what you think.
Just a question for clarification: Is the second "credits" in the P&T quote supposed to be capitalized?- Typo. Fixed.
- That's all. Good job. Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 03:39, November 23, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks for reviewing.--Cal Jedi (Personal Comm Channel) 03:50, November 23, 2011 (UTC)
- And nice work catching my copy-edit mistake so quickly. Don't know how I missed that "year" was already linked to. Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 19:21, November 23, 2011 (UTC)
- And nice work catching my copy-edit mistake so quickly. Don't know how I missed that "year" was already linked to. Grand Moff Tranner
- Thanks for reviewing.--Cal Jedi
Cav
A Human male seller - seller doesn't seem to be the right word to describe him. Perhaps merchant would be better? You pipelink to it further down. Unless, of course, the source implicitly calls him a seller. This would apply to the naming of the article as well.- Moved.--Cal Jedi (Personal Comm Channel) 16:26, November 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Moved.--Cal Jedi
Are "bearer cards" specifically analogous to credit chips? Or should they have their own article? I would suggest the later seeing as the seller comments on their rarity and the fact they are untraceable.- Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 14:35, November 28, 2011 (UTC)
- And done. Thanks for the review.--Cal Jedi (Personal Comm Channel) 16:30, November 28, 2011 (UTC)
- And done. Thanks for the review.--Cal Jedi
Comments
Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 09:35, November 29, 2011 (UTC)