Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Skirmish in the Yinta Lake spaceport

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Skirmish in the Yinta Lake spaceport

  • Nominated by: Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 21:29, June 16, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:Just another fine example of what a Jedi and a cocky smuggler can do.

(5 ACs/1 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 06:01, July 2, 2011 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Kilson(Let's have a chat) 17:36, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Final product looks good. Nice job. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:36, July 23, 2011 (UTC)
  4. --Talrrivanian JaingHead (Headquarters) 07:34, July 29, 2011 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Good work, Cal. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 00:45, August 2, 2011 (UTC)
  6. ACvote Apologies for the delay. Looks good. 1358 (Talk) 14:53, August 3, 2011 (UTC)

Object

  1. Imperators II
Attack of the Clone
  • Please reload the infobox. This ensures that no relevant field gets left blank.
  • Please use {{WebCite}} for ref 2; citations that cannot get placed in templates must use Cite web to ensure accuracy.
    • I tried, and I have absolutely no idea how to use that template. If someone could do it, I'd appreciate it. Or, if someone could show me where it explains clearly how to do it I'd appreciate it. Thanks! Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 00:15, June 28, 2011 (UTC)
      • All you have to do is copy the template to the article and then fill in the proper fields. I would suggest using the "Using last, first (with current date)" version of the template, as it seems the most relevant. For example, the url for the ref would go in the "url" field. The title of that Jedi Council Forums page goes in the "title" field, and so on. Let me know if you need further help, but it should be easy from there. Not all of the fields need to get filled, only the ones with available info. CC7567 (talk) 00:27, June 28, 2011 (UTC)
  • The phrase "man by the name" gets rather overused in the article. Please try to vary up the word choice. Simply saying "the smugger Zeerid Korr" instead of "a smuggler by the name of Zeerid Korr" is fine, and it's also more concise and less winded.
    • Is that better?
  • I was suggest reorganizing the intro to focus more on the skirmish and the location before anything else. Take a look at the current battle GAs, even the conjecturally titled ones. Using the format that most GAs use, the intro should start something like: "A skirmish took place in the Yinta Lake spaceport between X, Y, and Z in <the year>." This insures that all of the important facts get stated first. You can then explain what specifically happened in the skirmish after this first sentence.
    • OK.
  • Please make sure to provide context for all important subjects (like Coruscant and the Exchange in the Prelude section) upon their first mention. It isn't always safe to assume that the reader is familiar with them.
  • These are all only preliminaries, so I'll give the article an in-depth review once these are fixed.CC7567 (talk) 22:11, June 27, 2011 (UTC)
    • OK.
  • Please try to avoid overusing em dashes instead of commas; dashes are good when they're used correctly, but not when they're overused. Commas will usually suffice. CC7567 (talk) 00:50, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
  • In the infobox, what do you mean by the "None" in the commanders1 field? Since there were only two individuals, was neither of them in overall command? Even if that's the case, I'm a little hesitant to have it listed as "None"—I would suggest leaving the field blank to avoid misinterpretation.
    • Hows' that?
  • In forces1, who's the Jedi and who's the smuggler? I'd suggest taking a look at how the current battle GAs format this and then try to modify what's currently in the infobox.
  • I did some rearranging with the intro to make it clearer. Could you add perhaps a sentence about the outcome of the skirmish?
    • Got it.
      • What do you mean by "get at Korr"? It's rather colloquial and unclear. Please make sure to avoid similar wording in the rest of the article. CC7567 (talk) 21:20, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
        • Fixed it.
  • In the Prelude, why was Leneer allied with Korr? This shouldn't get too much detail, but it should get clarified here.
    • Got it.
  • "The skirmish" section gets increasingly play-by-play, and a lot of the sentences are short and choppy. Please see if there's anything you can do to smooth out the choppiness.
    • Is that smoother?
      • To be honest, adding more detail makes it only more p-b-p. I would suggest cutting down on the level of detail to avoid choppiness. Sentences should be flowing and cohesive—and remember, you don't need to include every single detail and action that the book provides. For writing articles, our objective is to summarize and cut down on detail, not to rephrase everything from the book. CC7567 (talk) 21:20, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
        • I pretty much re-wrote the entire section. See if that will work.
  • For the remainder of the article, there remain a number of minor errors—grammar and spelling ones, mostly, but they're still rather significant. Please take some time to carefully go through the rest of the article and see if there's anything you can fix before I look at it myself. This applies to GAN Rule 1, which states that all articles nominated for GA status must be "well-written." CC7567 (talk) 20:05, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
    • I re-read the article and fixed some stuff. How does it look now? Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 21:13, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
      • Please take another look at the Aftermath, at least. There's still a glaring grammar error that should be visible to those scrutinizing it. CC7567 (talk) 21:20, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
        • Is that what you were talking about?Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 21:34, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
          • I was looking particularly at the "there trip," which should be "their trip." I've gone ahead and corrected everything, but please make sure to be more careful in the future. CC7567 (talk) 23:55, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
            • OK.
  • Should the article be named "Skirmish in the Yinta Lake spaceport"? The spaceport is referred to as "the" everywhere else, so I would think that the article title should match that for consistency.
  • What exactly do you mean by "corner the market in engspice"? Even if that's directly taken for the novel, is there any way you can explain it a little better?
    • How's that?
  • Per WP:DASH, hyphens should not be replaced with en dashes in the wrong places. Please see if there's anything you can correct in the article.
    • I saw one example and fixed it.
  • "Zeerid Korr knew he and Aryn Leneer were being followed, but he didn't realize that it would be an all–out battle": I don't expect either that Korr would have expected a battle to commence (none but those who planned the battle would have known), but can this be reworded? Also, who was following him and Leneer? It otherwise seems like an unnecessary detail to say that Korr didn't expect a battle.
    • How's that?
      • If Xizor and his men were following Korr and Leneer, then that should be mentioned where it is first relevant in the Prelude, not late in the article as it currently is. CC7567 (talk) 03:55, July 1, 2011 (UTC)
        • Is that better?
  • "and started shooting": at whom did Xizor start shooting?
    • Fixed.
  • "The battle began, and Korr ran for cover while blasting away." Again, who is Korr shooting at?
    • Fixed again.
  • "More shots were fired in the landing pad and Leneer was shot in the calf." Who fired these shots? Also, what do you mean by "in" the landing pad?
    • OK got it.
  • Who were the "couple of Xizor's men" who got shot? Since you name them earlier in the article, you should state who died unless it's unknown.
    • The book starts out by saying that he had some men with him, some of which were Lom, Keene, Deron. But when the battle is done these men are still alive. So the one's that died are un-named. Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 02:10, July 1, 2011 (UTC)
  • "where Leneer would fight Darth Malgus in the Jedi Temple": please provide more context here. Who's Malgus? Why did Leneer fight him in the Temple? We should give the reader the benefit of the doubt, and it isn't always good to assume that the reader will be familiar with all of the material in the article, so that's why we provide context. CC7567 (talk) 23:55, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
    • Is that enough context? Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 02:10, July 1, 2011 (UTC)
      • Are you sure that Malgus was a Sith Master at the time of the Sacking of Coruscant? I can't find anything else that supports this claim, and I'm also unsure if he "led the assault on the Jedi Temple"—wasn't he a subordinate to Darth Angral? Please check the relevant source material and modify the article as appropriate. CC7567 (talk) 03:55, July 1, 2011 (UTC)
  • Just one last one: can you explain that Yinta Lake was a Vulta city somewhere in the body of the article? I know that it seems a little obvious, but currently the only real reference to Yinta Lake as a specific place is a pipelink in the Bts, which doesn't strike me as very definitive. CC7567 (talk) 00:40, July 2, 2011 (UTC)
Kilson
  • In the Infobox, you say Leneer and Korr didn't suffer any casualties, but in the article, you say they both received minor injuries. You should probably mention that in the Infobox.
    • How's that?
  • You also state in the Infobox that several civilians were injured in the firefight, but don't mention this in the article. Please insert that somewhere.
    • Done.
  • In The skirmish section, "As the firefight continued, a couple of Xizor's men were shot," you should make it clear here that they were killed, because saying they were just shot doesn't automatically state that they were killed.
    • Done.
  • Otherwise, nice job. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 01:11, July 3, 2011 (UTC)
Ecks Dee
  • "A short skirmish ensued at the spaceport of Yinta Lake" This seems like unnecessary repetition; you already mention the location earlier. 1358 (Talk) 21:12, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
  • "Attempting to protect some engspice that he had to transport to Coruscant, the smuggler Zeerid Korr teamed up with rogue Jedi Knight Aryn Leneer to defend his engspice from a team of bounty hunters led by the mercenary Vrath Xizor, who tried to steal it for the Hutt Cartel." This sentence is problematic. First, it's kind of long, and it could probably be splitted up. Second, mentioning "engspice" twice seems redundant; you already say it's his engspice in the first clause.
  • "…where they stopped on their journey to Coruscant." Who 'they' is referring to is a bit unclear, seeing as you mention "Xizor and his men" in the next sentence.
  • That's all. 1358 (Talk) 21:33, July 18, 2011 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • Citeweb referencing that references message board posts needs to actually cite specific individual posts made by specific users. Currently, reference 2 in this article does nothing of the sort. I have literally no idea what this is trying to reference. This needs to be clarified. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:53, July 13, 2011 (UTC)
    • How is that now? Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 20:06, July 13, 2011 (UTC)
      • ...Sort of better. But this raises a new question. Who said this guy's personally cobbled-together timeline is a valid source for this canon information? Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:33, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
        • Hasn't the Force.net been used for a canon source in other things? This timeline is still part of the Force.net. Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 01:42, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
          • No, fan websites like TFN are not automatically considered proper canon source material. They're usually used as sources for authorial comments that will be used as BTS material. In extremely rare cases we may implement something an author says there into the IU portion of an article, but not something some fan puts together. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:05, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
            • How does that work? If that doesn't work, I've pretty much run out of options on finding sources for it. I don't know where else to look. Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 03:12, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
              • The problem with this is, the typical visitor to this page, myself included, has no frame of reference for being able to follow your logic for this information. I have no idea where this date of 3653 BBY is coming from. It's not outwardly specified by the link being referenced. If this is being derived by simple mathematics from other, ancillary information, this all needs to be clearly defined and detailed in a reference note so we know how you're arriving at this date. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:04, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
                • To tell you the truth, I don't know where else to look. Its stated on just about every page relating to Deceived that the date is 3653 BBY. But, I can't seem to find a good reference for it. Any ideas where to look? Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 20:39, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
                  • I am unfamiliar with this source material, so I couldn't tell you. It's important to remember that Wookieepedia itself is not a source, meaning that just because our articles say something doesn't mean that it's correct. I would suggest perhaps asking some users who are more familiar with TOR material, or perhaps even starting a Senate Hall thread with your question. If this or any date cannot be sourced, it needs to eventually be removed from this article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:49, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
                    • Thanks to alot of help from Imperators II, I think that this should work. Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 00:22, July 16, 2011 (UTC)
                      • It's certainly better, but I still find the reference note rather rambling and a bit, well, complex. Can we simplify its language as succinctly and to the point as possible? Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:57, July 19, 2011 (UTC)
                        • OK try that. Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 17:03, July 20, 2011 (UTC)
                          • Yes, I'm liking this much better. One more thing, though. The note should clarify which source can be cited for the fact that the difference between BTC/ATC and BBY/ABY is 3653 years. This can be as easy as just writing "...3653 years difference between BTC/ATC and BBY/ABY, according to The Essential Chronology...," or whatever the source is. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:51, July 20, 2011 (UTC)
Moffship
  • Some context on Coruscant in the intro would be good.
    • Done.
  • "...who tried to steal the goods for the Hutt Cartel." - The use of "goods" here implies, at least for me, that Korr's cargo consisted of more than engspice; would you mind rewording it?
    • Got it.
  • "Shouting for everyone in the spaceport to drop to the ground, Xizor and his team..." - This makes it seem as if Xizor and his men shouted for everyone to drop, as opposed to just Xizor. Please rephrase.
    • Fixed.
  • The phrase "a couple" isn't really descriptive when describing the casualties suffered by Xizor's group.
    • Alrighty.
  • That's all. Nice work. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 01:28, July 31, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 14:53, August 3, 2011 (UTC)