Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Unidentified border officer

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Unidentified border officer

  • Nominated by: Braha'tok enthusiast (talk) 07:38, February 17, 2020 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Article overran on words for its CA nom. So lets give this another go.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote 1358 (Talk) 20:45, March 6, 2020 (UTC)
  2. UberSoldat93 (talk) 08:01, March 7, 2020 (UTC)
  3. ACvote TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 16:36, March 22, 2020 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 19:59, March 23, 2020 (UTC)
  5. Zed42 (talk) 20:43, March 23, 2020 (UTC)

Object

UberSoldat
  • Should change "I.D." to identification, and pipelink to Identichip.
  • "Aphra attempted to bribe him, which he noticed, and Triple-Zero ultimately tortured and killed him to leave the spaceport." Last part looks a little confusing, the bio says he was tortured in order to allow entry through the gate. This should be elaborated upon here as well.
  • "Aphra attempted to bribe the border officer, and when he noticed this, Triple-Zero tortured him into opening the gate for them. The officer did so, and the droid killed him." This can be reworded better.
  • "The droid also witnessed the murder of the border officer once again when looking back through his memories sometime after." Whose memories? Perhaps you should start the sentence with that last part.
  • You don't need to mention "human male" twice in the bio and P&T.
  • Specifying the publisher in the BTS would be nice. UberSoldat93 (talk) 20:23, February 19, 2020 (UTC)
Ecks
  • Please check your image caption punctuation.
  • "The individual worked as a border officer in the law enforcement agency known as the Milvayne Authority[2] between 0 ABY and 3 ABY.[1]" The way it reads right now, it sounds like he worked for the Authority during those three years. We only know that he was employed by the Authority at some point during that timespan. 1358 (Talk) 18:45, February 27, 2020 (UTC)
  • "Aphra attempted to bribe him, which he noticed, and Triple-Zero ultimately tortured him into opening the gate out of the spaceport before killing him." You need to make the connection here that Triple-Zero tortured him because he refused to accept a bribe.
  • Similar issue in the body. The connection "bribe --> refuse bribe --> torture --> open gate --> death" isn't established very well. 1358 (Talk) 19:09, February 29, 2020 (UTC)
    • No clear indication that he refused the bribe, but I added that because the border officer notices the bribe, Triple-Zero tortured him and so on, unless you strongly believe that he refused the bribe? Braha'tok enthusiast (talk) 20:29, February 29, 2020 (UTC)
      • I think it's at least reasonable to infer that he was tortured because he questioned the bribe attempt. You don't need to explicitly say that he refused the bribe, just that he was tortured into opening the gate when he questioned the bribe. 1358 (Talk) 19:48, March 3, 2020 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 20:45, March 23, 2020 (UTC)