Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/The zoo

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

The zoo

(5 ACs/2 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote Nice work. CC7567 (talk) 22:04, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
  2. Argh, can't find anything else to object to. :) Imperators II(Talk) 23:39, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
  3. Other than that one thing, nice job Axinal. Kilson 01:50, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Excellent. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:38, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Fantastic work. It's good to see more LTotS material being nommed. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 21:21, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
  6. ACvote Snowball! 1358 (Talk) 22:36, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
  7. ACvote I love snow, but it's too cold. It needs to warm up. Chack Jadson (Talk) 22:40, March 25, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Attack of the Clone
  • Please provide context for Orielle Kitai, Nida Korsin, and uvak in the intro—and uvak in the bio. They aren't immediately clear to those who aren't familiar with Lost Tribe of the Sith.
    • Addressed.
  • I think it would help to add a "Description" section, even if we don't know exactly what it was. Something like "The zoo, as it was nicknamed by Sith Saber Orielle Kitai, was a facility that had at least three stalls and a roof. It was capable of housing [whatever it housed]." would suffice.
    • Added a description, albeit a brief one.
      • Is the fact that it housed "various predator species from Kesh" notable enough to be mentioned here? CC7567 (talk) 19:12, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
        • Sure; added.
  • Real nit-picky clarification: "The facility's usage changed numerous times, as did its name, which gave homage to at least two different Grand Lords" is sourced to Purgatory, which isn't listed in the Appearances section, so I don't know if this statement about the zoo is attributable to that source. Could you clarify?
    • The Purgatory source there was meant to refer only to "the ruling government," since Sentinel doesn't make it clear that the Lost Tribe rules the planet. I added a source to Sentinel before that to clarify. See what you think of it now.
  • Would it be possible to refer to one of the Kitais primarily as "Kitai," and the other by first name, throughout the article? Though I do understand the distinction that you want to make between the two, we should try to use last names where possible for formality. As long as you stick with one as "Kitai" and the other by first name, the distinction should be clear. CC7567 (talk) 10:45, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
    • Yeah, I was doing that for clarification. Since I introduce Orielle first in both the introduction and the history, I'll refer to her as "Kitai" from then on. I hope I was able to sufficiently address all your concerns. Thanks for the copy-edit and the review!—Axinal Convocation Chamber 16:25, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
  • For the "History" section, I think it would be a little better if you go about wording it in a chronological matter to make it clearer, i.e. starting off with its honoring of the Skyborn Rangers, then going through all the history prior to housing the uvak, and then stating how it housed the uvak. Basically all you would need to do is move the first sentence of the History section to later in the section, though the part about its location in Kesh's capital should be kept at the beginning of the section. I realize that this might create a problem with "The zoo" name (since that's probably not relevant to its earlier history and uses), so it might be good to avoid mentioning it as such until you mention the uvak. Let me know if this is unclear or if you need help with it, as I'm not sure how coherent I'm being. CC7567 (talk) 19:12, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
    • Yeah, pretty simple fix. I don't think it necessarily creates a problem with the name, but let me know what you think.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 21:54, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
Imperators II
  • Was Candra still a High Lord when she was forced to work there?
    • I suppose not; changed to "former High Lord".
  • Shouldn't the reference to Savior be after the word "Korsin", not "leader"?
    • No, because Savior says that the facility was built to honor Korsin, but never says that she was the Rangers' leader. Thus, two sources are needed. Korsin is referenced to Sentinel.
    • Looking it over, the way it was sourced implied that Savior states that the zoo was built for the Skyborn Rangers, which is obviously incorrect. I've adjusted that sentence to source everything properly.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 23:07, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
  • Perhaps you should add the fact that Orielle disabled a guard when she arrived at the zoo.
    • Added
      • Maybe add the bit about Ori taking his lightsaber?
        • Considering the article is about the facility and not about Ori or the Sith, I don't think the specifics of the confrontation are necessary.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 23:33, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
  • Maybe it's just me, but the phrasing "Candra betrayed Kitai, using the information that she had given her" seemed a bit confusing to me. Imperators II(Talk) 22:24, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
    • I don't think it's just you; I originally said "Kitai had given her," but the name Kitai is already used frequently in that paragraph and made the sentence sound strange. Changed to "her daughter," which I think fixes both issues. Thanks for the review!—Axinal Convocation Chamber 22:43, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
  • Sorry, not yet finished. :) I'm not sure about the phrasing "the zoo—as it later became known". Sentinel states that "that was what Ori had always called it". I think you should specify that.
    • Fixed.
  • I suggest you add the descriptor "special" to the "park", as stated in the eBook.
    • Added.
  • Perhaps add a word or two about the stench in "Descriptions" section, as stated in the eBook.
Kilson
  • I haven't read the short story, but the Description's quote makes it sound like Kitai was not only made to shovel manure, but was forced to live in the "Zoo" as well. If that is true, you should include it in the main body, and possibly the Intro. Kilson 00:16, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • The intro gives nice brief context on what rake-riding is, but this is not really explained in the bio. Just similar brief context would do fine. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:01, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
    • Added. I also noticed rake-riding wasn't even linked in the bio, which I fixed.
  • I'm somewhat unclear on the meaning here. Is this information that the daughter gives to the mother regarding the location of the starship she discovered? Can we briefly clarify this at all? "However, Candra betrayed Kitai, using the information her daughter had given her in exchange for, according to Grand Lord Venn, 'improved working conditions.'" Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:01, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
Jujiggum
  • One tiny little thing: you caption the quote with "uvaks" when you use "uvak" for the multiple form throughout the rest of the article. Sources have used both forms, so it doesn't matter which one you use as long as it's consistent. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 21:06, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
    • Nice catch; I'll use "uvak" for the plural, since I think it sounds better. Thanks!—Axinal Convocation Chamber 21:10, March 25, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 22:40, March 25, 2011 (UTC)


Toprawa and Ralltiir suggested I give the article a "Description" section. As I told him, the subject in question is never really given a physical description, aside from having at least three stalls and a roof. However, if the AC finds it necessary, I will happily do my best to make a comprehensive section.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 04:17, March 24, 2011 (UTC)