Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Skirmish in the Kinoss system

< Wookieepedia:Good article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Skirmish in the Kinoss system

  • Nominated by: YakovChaimTzvi ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 20:37, 27 August 2021 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I believe this is clean and good enough :)
  • WookieeProject (optional): WP:NOVELS

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)

Support

  1. Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 11:13, 24 October 2021 (UTC)
  2. Good work, sorry for the slow review Commander Code-8 Hello There! 14:51, 19 December 2021 (UTC)
  3. ACvote MasterFredCommerce Guild(talk) 07:39, 6 January 2022 (UTC)
  4. ACvote UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 08:00, 6 January 2022 (UTC)
  5. ACvote OOM 224 17:15, 10 January 2022 (UTC)

Object

Fan
  • Continuing from our discussion on Discord:
    • The infobox still notes the skirimish as taking place in both the Lioaoin and Kinoss systems. Given our discussion, I'd argue the actual skirmish proper only takes place in Kinoss.
    • "Prior to the mission and skirmish, " in the "Prelude" section.
    • A large part of the article body is taken up by a section detailing the mission to Lioaoin, of which a small subsection titled "The skirmish" is a part of. I think most of the info regarding Thrawn baiting the Lioaoins can be condensed a bit and moved to the prelude section. Fan26 (Talk) 23:58, 3 September 2021 (UTC)
      • I adjusted the sectioning and added a quote for the Skirmish. I’ll have to think about it if you think “the mission” part still needs to be condensed. — YakovChaimTzvi ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 22:37, 6 September 2021 (UTC)
        • "Qilori knew that the Lioaoin Regime was indeed supporting piracy, but was bound by Navigators' Guild confidentiality not to divulge such information to Thrawn. Furthermore, Qilori could sense some of his colleagues aboard Lioaoin pirate vessels through the Force. Qilori warned Thrawn that searching for pirates would be dangerous, and if the Regime should suspect he was hunting pirates, they would be in danger." This can be cut down to contextualising Quilori's warning by just saying he was worried about his colleagues aboard the Lioaoin ships. Apart from that, it all looks like neccesarry information Fan26 (Talk) 04:12, 16 September 2021 (UTC)
Manoof
  • Can we note in the intro that the skirmish occurred after the undercover work from Thrawn? Currently the setup for the battle doesn't have that context that it IS the prelude to the skirmish, which indicates it is part of the skirmish until we reach the second paragraph. Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 09:18, 23 October 2021 (UTC)
  • The mission—can you make it clear the pirates pursued Thrawn using the pathfinders at the end of this section. Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 09:18, 23 October 2021 (UTC)
  • You probably have room for another image in the Aftermath section. Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 09:18, 23 October 2021 (UTC)
  • Did the book specify Kinoss the planet and the system and are these captured correctly in the article—the only mention of the planet is the agreed upon meeting place, so did the skirmish happen above the planet or elsewhere in the system? Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 09:18, 23 October 2021 (UTC)
    • In the chapter itself, it just says the Kinoss system. Another chapter says “At Kinoss a few years ago,” and another says and “last year off Kinoss.” — YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 17:08, 23 October 2021 (UTC)
CC-8
  • Context for Bardram Scoft
  • Should come up with a subheading for the first half of the prelude
  • "In that way, Thrawn could prove or disprove his theory without violating the Ascendancy's preemptive-strike laws", this sentence mostly repeats what's said in the one preceeding it, be good if you could combine them. Commander Code-8 Hello There! 09:44, 3 November 2021 (UTC)
  • The body should specifiy that corsairs are a type of ship, given that the word has a potentially confusing alternate meaning.
  • I don't think Kinoss should be linked separately in the phrase "Kinoss system"
  • "the point at which she would have to forego her Irizi family." The significance of this isn't really clear, why does getting a promotion change her family situation, and the way its worded sounds like the Irizi is just some type of family rather than her actual family.
    • It is her actual family — it’s a major part of Chiss culture to strip family ties of flag officers. Additional context is provided in the article flag officer and others, but no more context was given during the skirmish’s actual aftermath. YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 00:25, 5 November 2021 (UTC)
      • That context should still be given here, a reader should open another article because they want to learn more, not be forced to do so just to comprehend something in this article.
        • Alright, done. -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 05:48, 12 November 2021 (UTC)
          • Apologies for the delay, last thing to sort out with "belong to her Irizi family." the phrasing presents Irizi as an adjective, so it could be read as a type of family, when a family name is actually a noun, can address this by writing it as "her family, the Irizi," or just "the Irizi family." But I don't have access to the novel so I may be misunderstanding how it's referred to there. Commander Code-8 Hello There! 10:49, 23 November 2021 (UTC)
            • "The Irizi family" works. I made the change. Thanks! — YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 18:33, 26 November 2021 (UTC)
  • "threat to others in the Chaos" Apparently this is an alternate term for the Unknown Regions but it would be clearer to just say Unknown Regions instead.
    • I changed it. Just noting that “the Chaos” is the endonym and what’s used in the source. — YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 00:25, 5 November 2021 (UTC)
  • There's a contraction in the aftermath section, which shouldn't be used in encyclopedic writing
  • The Bts is overly detailed, we don't need to specify which chapters the events appear in.
    • Is that an actual problem? I can reduce it, but I don’t see an issue at present. — YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 00:25, 5 November 2021 (UTC)
      • It's worth removing it to maintain the consistency of our other status articles based on novels Commander Code-8 Hello There! 04:14, 12 November 2021 (UTC)
        • Okay, done. -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 05:48, 12 November 2021 (UTC)
          • Can still remove the sentence about the chapter.
  • The date note is a little confusing since the skirmish also takes place in the same book, it would be helpful to specify that its just the main events that take place in 19 BBY. Commander Code-8 Hello There! 00:05, 5 November 2021 (UTC)
  • A sentence summarizing the aftermath would be appropriate for the introduction
  • Missing the conjecture templates
  • "observed Lioaoin ships resembling the pirates ravaging the Ascendancy." Can you specify what Ascendancy assets were being ravaged? Commander Code-8 Hello There! 10:49, 23 November 2021 (UTC)
    • Freighters on the edge of the Ascendancy. Added. — YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 20:05, 25 November 2021 (UTC)
  • The Chiss Expansionary Defense Fleet is intro exclusive and should be included in the infobox Commander Code-8 Hello There! 02:02, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
    • No longer intro exclusive but I've never seen an article say e.g. "CIS navy" in the infobox instead of just "Confederacy of Independent Systems" — YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 05:18, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
      • The way to do it would be to list both the Ascendency and fleet. I do it with the Trade Federation Droid Army in my battle articles but there isn't a consistent precedent so I won't insist. Commander Code-8 Hello There! 14:17, 5 December 2021 (UTC)
  • The intro doesn't specify that Thrawn is Mith'raw'nuru and should specify that he and Irizi'ar'alani are Chiss
    • Stated Mitth'raw'nuru is Thrawn. -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 06:59, 6 December 2021 (UTC)
    • I believe that (with revisions) it is clear enough that Thrawn and Ar'alani are Chiss and officers of the CEDF by stating their affiliations. -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 06:59, 6 December 2021 (UTC)
  • There's some underlinking in the intro, it's at least missing Gender, hyperspace, merchant, starship, freighter. A couple of these are missing in the body too
  • The quote in the mission subsection needs to specify who is speaking in the second line. Commander Code-8 Hello There! 14:17, 5 December 2021 (UTC)
    • Addressed. -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 06:59, 6 December 2021 (UTC)
      • Two sentences is definitely too much for a quote attribution and not every detail about the quote has to be explained.
  • Based on their ranks Ar'lani should be listed first in the infobox even though Thrawn has a more prominent role. Commander Code-8 Hello There! 13:07, 13 December 2021 (UTC)
Editor liked this chapter
  • Context for Stivic needed Editoronthewiki (talk) 23:17, 23 November 2021 (UTC)
    • Done. — YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 20:05, 25 November 2021 (UTC)
      • I have the nitpick to end all nitpicks. Should read "colony world of" not just "colony world" Editoronthewiki (talk) 20:42, 25 November 2021 (UTC)
UberSoldat
  • Qilori should go under Strength.
    • Added him on the Chiss side and the other Pathfinders on the Lioaoin side. -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 18:57, 3 January 2022 (UTC)
  • Unless I missed something, is there any indication that Thrawn and Qilori conversing in a different language in some of the quotes?
  • Context for Kinoss. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 08:05, 3 January 2022 (UTC)
Fred strikes back
  • I don't really see Ziara's description of what the ranks above her mean being relevant to the skirmish (first paragraph of "Aftermath"). We can just leave it at detailing their promotions. MasterFredCommerce Guild(talk) 09:09, 4 January 2022 (UTC)
    • Ah, good point. Removed. — YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 02:33, 5 January 2022 (UTC)
OOM
  • He thus broadcast his "discovery" of pirates — the meaning here, despite the use of those quotation marks, may be lost to readers, so I suggest rewording this for clarity. OOM 224 19:24, 7 January 2022 (UTC)
  • It's best to establish the timeframe of the event (a few years before 19 BBY) earlier in the prose so readers know approximately when the skirmish itself happened OOM 224 19:28, 7 January 2022 (UTC)

Comments

  • I noticed categories for Category:Battles of the High Republic Era and Category:Battles of the Imperial Era. Is it worth creating Category:Battles of the Republic Era and perhaps bunching them all under Category:Battles by era? Also wonder if it's worth having Battles by affiliation, so one could filter by battles involving a particular faction such as the Chiss Ascendancy or the Regime? Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 09:18, 23 October 2021 (UTC)
    • I’m definitely in favor of the “battles of the Republic Era” category. As for battles by faction, I support that too, but we already have Category: Conflicts by faction and currently list battles of particular conflicts under those. So I would see some people arguing that Category:Battles involving the Chiss Ascendancy is redundant to Category:Conflicts involving the Chiss Ascendancy. — YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 16:44, 23 October 2021 (UTC)
  • Reviewing note: I don't believe species should ever be linked to a demonym, so I've modified the word. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 07:52, 3 January 2022 (UTC)

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 17:15, 10 January 2022 (UTC)