Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Seyyerin Itoklo

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Seyyerin Itoklo

  • Nominated by: -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 15:31, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A Jedi Knight with a single mention; very very short.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 22:54, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
  2. Good work. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 00:01, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
  3. Yes, it is. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:11, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote --Eyrezer 10:39, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
  5. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 23:50, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
  6. ACvote Grunny (Talk) 10:30, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. The clone
    • Is there a reason you mention his Knighting before the Yuuzhan Vong invasion, instead of ordering it chronologically? It's a bit strange, but I'd thought I'd ask you.
      • Well it's because I didn't want it to be inferred that he was promoted to the rank of Jedi Knight in 26 ABY, which seemed to be what I was saying. Anyway, I re-ordered the information, see what you think.
    • Can you check the first sentence of the P&T? The subject/plural agreement doesn't seem to be quite correct.
      • It was missing another — see what you think.
    • CC7567 (talk) 19:31, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
  2. The Grand Master
    • "By 26 ABY, Itoklo had achieved the rank of Jedi Knight; the previous year, however, the galaxy had been invaded by an extra-galactic warfaring species known as the Yuuzhan Vong." Rather awkward, but that might be fixed if reordered, as CC suggested above.
      • Yup, reworded as with CC's objection.
    • "Blazing a path of conquest from the Outer Rim Territories toward the Galactic Core, elements of the Yuuzhan Vong leadership saw a threat in the New Jedi Order and its members." Could you specifiy why they saw the Order as a threat?
      • Added info. Check it out.
    • Could you reword the P&t? The second sentence is a little short and choppy. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 20:12, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
      • Reworded.
        • Jon, I also made some changes to the changes you had made during your copyedit. Some of them I wasn't sure about, like removing a semi-colon, which seemed to break up the flow of the writing. For future reference, it's improper to refer to the Yuuzhan Vong only as "Vong", as that's a slang term. Thanks for the quick review. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 22:31, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
  3. The first sentence of the Biography is a bit of a mouthful. Could you split it up, perhaps adding a bit more detail on the Etti species generally, beyond just saying that they are near-Human? Other than that, a good article. --Eyrezer 01:39, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
    • "Hailing from the planet Etti IV, Seyyerin Itoklo was a member of the near-Human Etti species, a blue-skinned race known for their slender and delicate physiques." — unfortunately, I've taken that info from the Etti article, which is not sourced. I imagine the source is Alien Encounters; being a species expert, could you check this :P? -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 09:32, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
      • That is the kind of thing I was going for. I checked it against AE, and made one small change - their skin is descirbed as pale, not as blue. --Eyrezer 10:39, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
        • Wooh, we are both promoting a GA and improving other areas of the Wook contemporaneously! Cheers for the review. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 11:13, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 18:09, 22 June 2009 (UTC)