Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Onoam

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Onoam

  • Nominated by: Minnabird (talk) 05:02, 14 April 2021 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:

(3 ACs/4 Users/7 Total)

(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)

Support

  1. ACvote Excellent work on your first GAN! UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 13:25, 22 May 2021 (UTC)
  2. Liverpool92Ackbar HS 14:26, 27 May 2021 (UTC)
  3. Jedi Order ImpacticForce (Talk) 16:17, 1 June 2021 (UTC)
  4. Great job Minna! VergenceScatter (talk) 22:20, 4 June 2021 (UTC)
  5. ACvote LSG pls MasterFredCommerce Guild(talk) 18:58, 5 June 2021 (UTC)
  6. D MCCG D MCCG (chat) 14:33, 28 June 2021 (UTC)
  7. ACvote Excellent work! Imperators II(Talk) 20:28, 28 June 2021 (UTC)

Object

Erebus
  • Welcome to the GAN! First off, there are a few things I noticed missing from the article. Said on the Discord I would put them here as well:
    • Date note for 22 BBY in the first History paragraph
    • Reference notes for the ends of 3 paragraphs in the Vein of corruption subsection
    • "Considered severe enough" — considered by whom?
    • Since there is more than one source it is mentioned or appears in, the BTS should say "Onoam first appears [...]" Erebus Chronus (Talk) 05:22, 14 April 2021 (UTC)
    • Forgot to add these two: the moon's grid coordinates as well as its location in the system and sector are not documented in the body anywhere and only the infobox. Erebus Chronus (Talk) 05:26, 14 April 2021 (UTC)
      • This also exclusive to the intro.
        • There should now be references for these in the description section Minnabird (talk) 14:59, 14 April 2021 (UTC)
          • It's in the description, but not the intro. Erebus Chronus (Talk) 15:17, 14 April 2021 (UTC)
            • I took cues from a confirmed GA featuring a moon with known grid coordinates, Leesis, in rewording the intro. Can you let me know if that satisfies, or if I should incorporate the exact grid coordinates there, too? Minnabird (talk) 00:37, 16 April 2021 (UTC)
              • Just realized we took this conversation briefly to Discord, but I didn't document the change I made in response here. Brought intro in line with what we discussed on 4/15/21 (at least, in the Eastern time zone; presumably after the above addition). Minnabird (talk) 03:47, 22 April 2021 (UTC)
  • "Onoam's relationship with Naboo had long been strained" — Any reason as to how, and is "long" from you or the source?
    • "Long" is all my source gives me. I'll add detail about the source of the strain (Naboo rule vs mining quotas). Minnabird (talk) 14:59, 14 April 2021 (UTC)
      • Did some restructuring. Would welcome feedback on whether it's clearer. Minnabird (talk) 00:37, 16 April 2021 (UTC)
        • Just wondering, is the second sentence in the CW-era a continuation of the first sentence? Because if so, I wonder if you could merge them together to create one sentence, since the second seems like a run-on. Erebus Chronus (Talk) 01:15, 16 April 2021 (UTC)
          • "Onoam had a long history of tension with Naboo,[3] and the mining moons of Naboo found their loyalties torn between the rule of Naboo and their need to meet production quotas."? I'm trying to both transition between two sources and rephrase a sentence that packs a lot of ideas into it—that there's an unsteady equilibrium between economic drivers and Naboo's standards; that these are specifically opposed loyalties. (Original sentence from QS: "Unlike the mining moons, which struggled to maintain the balance between the rule of Naboo and their allegiance to filling their quotas, Karlinus was a place where prosperity began.") Minnabird (talk) 01:35, 16 April 2021 (UTC)
  • In veins of corruption, you should state at the beginning of the first paragraph that this was during the Empire's reign. Erebus Chronus (Talk) 14:51, 14 April 2021 (UTC)
  • In History, there's no context as to who Leia is.
  • (Reviewing note) Please be careful of underlinking. Erebus Chronus (Talk) 16:26, 14 April 2021 (UTC)
    • Definitely a big blind spot for me. I've linked everything I can think of - and revisited the rules and realized I needed to be linking for the first mention in intro AND body - but later paragraphs are looking a little sparse. Minnabird (talk) 00:38, 16 April 2021 (UTC)
Vergence
  • It's been a while since I've read the source, but I believe that instead of linking to mine in the intro you should link to Onoam mine.
  • The Onoam spaceport should be mentioned in the body.
    • Done (in description). Minnabird (talk) 05:05, 16 April 2021 (UTC)
  • I would rewrite the sentence "Many wealthy citizens of Naboo had second homes on Onoam, including the sector governor Quarsh Panaka's chalet and a home owned by Queen Dalné." Currently the first clause focuses on the citizens, while the second focuses on the houses themselves. VergenceScatter (talk) 04:19, 16 April 2021 (UTC)
    • Let me know how that looks? Minnabird (talk) 05:05, 16 April 2021 (UTC)
UberSoldat
  • Something weird is going on here: "Its grassy plains housed second homes for wealthy citizens of Naboo, while underground, miners extracted medicinal spice."
    • Whoops, these got lost in my e-mail. Addressed this with some wording changes; let me know if it reads more smoothly? Minnabird (talk) 03:43, 22 April 2021 (UTC)
  • Something weird is also going on with Ref 9. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 15:30, 17 April 2021 (UTC)
    • Also changed up the wording on this. Minnabird (talk) 03:43, 22 April 2021 (UTC)
  • The first visual depiction now needs to be detailed in the BTS. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 07:32, 8 May 2021 (UTC)
  • Intro says the Trailing Sectors was part of the Mid Rim, while the body says the Mid Rim was located there. Additionally, we don't really need two separate references for that information.
    • Cleaned up the sentence in the body, removed the RotS reference. Minnabird (talk) 13:58, 21 May 2021 (UTC)
  • No images suitable for the History?
    • Soon. The chapter of the webcomic with helpful images just released, waiting to hear back about potential screenshots. Minnabird (talk) 13:58, 21 May 2021 (UTC)
      • And they're up! Both sections of the history and the description now have images. Minnabird (talk) 23:55, 21 May 2021 (UTC)
  • You should establish that the Queen's palace was her secondary palace on its first mention in the body.
  • The Onoam mine should be introduced in the Description.
    • Also done; I changed the mine reference to link there, if that works? I couldn't find a good way to say "It had mines, including (unnamed mine distinguished only because Leia visited it, now I have to explain who Leia is here, too)." Minnabird (talk) 13:58, 21 May 2021 (UTC)
  • "..some officers took it too far.." Informal tone.
  • Context for Saw Gerrera. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 07:14, 21 May 2021 (UTC)
    • Done. Minnabird (talk) 13:58, 21 May 2021 (UTC)
      • You should establish that the bombs were planted first and introduce the Partisans there. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 14:20, 21 May 2021 (UTC)
        • Okay, I rearranged that a little bit. Minnabird (talk) 14:31, 21 May 2021 (UTC)
  • I would move note in ref 8 to cover "around that time" in History, while sourcing the rest of that sentence to whatever source has that information. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 12:54, 22 May 2021 (UTC)
    • Both the timing and the fact of the political violence are from LPOA; I added a note in the citation because "around that time" is an inference I made based on Leia saying it happened in the previous generation. Minnabird (talk) 13:01, 22 May 2021 (UTC)
      • Then "Around that time[8], etc etc<ref to LPOA>". That note exists to explain the timeframe, so that's an appropriate place for it. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 13:14, 22 May 2021 (UTC)
        • Just wanted to check that it was okay to reference LPOA two different places in that sentence! Changed the references as suggested. Minnabird (talk) 13:21, 22 May 2021 (UTC)
Fred strikes back
  • We have four named moons of Naboo, so should we not consider the "three moons" from Alliances to be a mistake? MasterFredCommerce Guild(talk) 21:50, 4 June 2021 (UTC)
    • Removed the number and the Alliances reference per our Discord conversation; since canon is contradictory, might as well not open the can of worms that is "how many moons of Naboo are there and what are they called?" —Minnabird Naboo (talk) 22:28, 4 June 2021 (UTC)
Zed
  • I believe it would be appropriate to implement Inhabitants and Locations sections, as per the Layout Guide, as most of that information is currently in the Description section, which should really just be about the characteristics of the moon itself.
    • I added the sections! I believe I leaned a little too heavily on looking at some GA moons for examples, which didn't have that kind of information. Looks much cleaner, thanks. —Minnabird Naboo (talk) 04:30, 8 June 2021 (UTC)
      • Looks good. Are you able to get any quotes for those two sections? Zed42 (talk) 11:15, 9 June 2021 (UTC)
        • Added quotes to both of them. —Minnabird Naboo (talk) 12:34, 17 June 2021 (UTC)
  • You can include "Terrestrial" under the class field of the infobox and place the page in the Terrestrial moons category. Zed42 (talk) 01:26, 6 June 2021 (UTC)
    • Added. Sourced to LPOA, since we know from that it has grassy plains. —Minnabird Naboo (talk) 04:30, 8 June 2021 (UTC)
  • Given the length of the body, I think the intro can be expanded a bit. Zed42 (talk) 11:15, 9 June 2021 (UTC)
    • I added more. Please let me know if it needs to be expanded even further. Thanks! —Minnabird Naboo (talk) 22:54, 11 June 2021 (UTC)
Imp
  • Relevant to the "Locations" image: Wookieepedia:Images#Cropping. Imperators II(Talk) 11:47, 28 June 2021 (UTC)
    • Updated the image, thank you! Is the one of the girls coughing in the mine okay? The sound effects text leaves the frame, and I figured it was better to crop out the frame edge, but I can bring the crop in farther on that side. —Minnabird Naboo (talk) 12:07, 28 June 2021 (UTC)
  • I'm not seeing any reason for the inconsistency between the sources used for referencing in infobox and in the body, please revise. Imperators II(Talk) 12:26, 28 June 2021 (UTC)
    • Fixed as well; don't know why I didn't replace the Rise of the Separatists references in the infobox. —Minnabird Naboo (talk) 12:52, 28 June 2021 (UTC)
      • I'm still seeing some differing refs, for example, in the system field. Imperators II(Talk) 13:04, 28 June 2021 (UTC)
        • Ah, got that one as well. —Minnabird Naboo (talk) 13:20, 28 June 2021 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 20:28, 28 June 2021 (UTC)