Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Onaconda Farr

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Onaconda Farr

  • Nominated by:—Lucius malfoy7 Talk • Reference 00:16, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:This nomination is pretty farr off, but I thought I'd give it a go. —Lucius malfoy7 Talk • Reference 00:16, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Farl supports Farr. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:58, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Clone's preliminaries
    • Check for POV-oriented material such as "unfortunately" and "fortunately", and please remove them.
    • Finis Valorum requires context. Also, why is this mentioned only in the intro and not the body as well?
    • The Mission to Rodia needs to be expanded in the intro.
    • The last sentence of the intro belongs close to the beginning of the intro.
      • I switched a few sentences around. Is this good?
    • "In response to the Republic's inability or lack of will": whether or not it's known for sure, speculation needs to be removed. Only state what is known.
    • "In reality, and desperation," neither have any relation; please reword.
      • Removed desperation. I think reality is needed, to show that Amidala was not called to Rodia for the purpose stated/implied in the previous paragraph. —Lucius malfoy7 Talk • Reference 21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
    • Saying that Amidala was "given" to Gunray inaccurately sounds like she's an object.
    • "Cad Bane and the Battle of Duro" makes it sound like both are related, which they are not.
      • Changed to "Cad Bane's Raid and the Battle of Duro". I think they should both go together, as they are fairly near each other on the timeline and, let's face it, it looks weird with the two under separate headings. —Lucius malfoy7 Talk • Reference 21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
        • I think a more general title can be found; it sounds like the events had a direct effect on each other, which they did not. CC7567 (talk) 06:14, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
          • I just split the two up; its fine (I think.) —Lucius malfoy7 Talk • Reference 20:50, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
    • The Senate hostage crisis is a conjecturally titled article, and should not be mentioned directly by name.
    • The Senate hostage crisis needs cleanup and expansion overall.
      • Is there any particular section needing expansion in the crisis? I want to focus on the main aspects of the mission and Farr's involvement only, just so the article does not stray from Farr's history. —Lucius malfoy7 Talk • Reference 21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
        • It's mostly what's below; I'll address further details later. CC7567 (talk) 06:14, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
      • Why did Bane take the senators hostage?
      • You mention first that he was captured, then was talking about the bill, then was captured.
        • Is a "Immediately before Bane's raid" good, or should I totally rework the order? —Lucius malfoy7 Talk • Reference 21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
          • It's too confusing. Just state that Farr was talking about the bill with the other senators (also, notice capitalization for that), and was then taken hostage by Bane (and why). I'll get to reviewing the other objections soon later today. CC7567 (talk) 21:05, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
            • Fixed in my own copyedit. CC7567 (talk) 06:14, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
      • "Later, Anakin Skywalker was taken hostage, signaling the near end of Bane's mission." Talking too much from an OOU-perspective.
      • "Anakin Skywalker, however, anticapated Bane later remotely killing the Senators": does not make sense.
    • The Bts requires organization. It should be mentioned first where he appeared, then who portrayed him, and then any other info.
    • I've noticed that you've really only touched TCW-related sections; please take a look at the others and see if you can improve them overall. CC7567 (talk) 01:44, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
      • Will do. —Lucius malfoy7 Talk • Reference 21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
        • Slightly expanded "Battle of Duro" section; not much I can do with it otherwise without straying from his POV. —Lucius malfoy7 Talk • Reference 20:50, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
  2. Before I read it:
    • Infobox needs to be completely sourced.
      • Thanks... Addressed. —Lucius malfoy7 Talk • Reference 13:28, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
        • You still haven't sourced one of the fields. Grunny (Talk) 00:26, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
    • The succession box needs to be sourced.
      • Did not know that... Now I do, and addressed. —Lucius malfoy7 Talk • Reference 13:28, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
    • Check the sources are correctly ordered.
      • I believe they are. —Lucius malfoy7 Talk • Reference 12:53, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
        • They weren't, the sources list is ordered by release date, I've reordered it. Grunny (Talk) 00:26, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
          • Thanks; here I was thinking it was by chronological order all this time. —Lucius malfoy7 Talk • Reference 20:25, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
            • Appearances are ordered chronologically, but sources are ordered by release date. Grunny (Talk) 08:09, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
    • Make sure you check your article conforms to the Manual of Style before nominating it. Grunny (Talk) 02:44, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
  3. Attack of the Clone II
    • In the beginning of the intro, it's confusing to say that he served until 21 BBY without mentioning the circumstances. Just mention his resignation at the end; the opening sentence doesn't necessarily have to surmise the entire character.
    • Yinchorri requires context in both the intro and the body.
      • Addressed. —Lucius malfoy7 Talk • Reference 12:53, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
        • What were the circumstances? Why did action need to be taken against them? Also, please check "aggressive"; it's too POV-oriented.
    • I've placed {{Fact}} tags that require separate sourcing. I've also edited the article with my own copyedit, and I've placed Fact tags for information whose sources I do not know.
    • Is the mention of Dooku as Palpatine's Sith apprentice really necessary? I understand that it's part of the embellishment, but it isn't expanded upon and does not seem to have a direct effect on Farr himself.
    • Unclear as to whether Looruya simply stepped down from his seat on the Committee or resigned from the Senate altogether.
      • Addressed. —Lucius malfoy7 Talk • Reference 12:53, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
        • "leading to Looruya's resignation from Senatorial office, and to Farr replacing Looruya on the Committee.'" The second part of the sentence stands out because it is not a noun (like "resignation"); please change.
          • I don't really understand, but I split the sentence. I think it sounds all right, but please let me know if it will not suffice. —Lucius malfoy7 Talk • Reference 20:57, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
            • It sounds very much like Farr plotted to get Looruya out of the Senate, but it's not very clear. Please clarify this.
              • How so? I don't say anything about Farr setting him up, just that the charges were legit, Looruya stepped down, and Farr took his place. —Lucius malfoy7 Liberty 00:36, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
                • Saying that Farr "released" a list implies that he had them in his possession for a while, which implies that he was planning to wait for something. Is there any mention of how Farr obtained the information? CC7567 (talk) 01:02, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
    • Unclear as to what the Senate Action Subcommittee for Corellian Trade Spine Defense was.
      • Addressed. —Lucius malfoy7 Talk • Reference 12:53, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
        • Nevermind; I'm going to remove it, since it's really self-contextualizing.
    • The Mission to Rodia requires a lot of expansion overall. Here are a few questions to ask yourself and expand upon in the article.
      • How did Farr react to the imprisonment of Amidala?
      • What was Farr's reaction to the "Bombad Jedi"?
        • I had praised in the end... Is this enough? —Lucius malfoy7 Life 00:36, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
          • No, because that's not his reaction, it's an effect of his reaction. There's no sense as to what his immediate reaction was when he learned about the Jedi, which leaves the reader in the dark. CC7567 (talk) 01:02, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
            • They don't really flash him too much during the Gunray+Farr+Jar Jar scenes in Bombad Jedi, and he has no dialoge regarding/to Jar Jar until he praises him. 01:56, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
              • Didn't he talk to Silood about the "Bombad Jedi" while they went with Gunray to the detention center? Didn't he state that they "must appease Gunray so he will not kill us all"? CC7567 (talk) 04:38, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
                • I believe that conversation ocurred, (please correct me if I'm wrong) though before Bombad's appearance. —Lucius malfoy7 Liberty 20:35, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
                  • And yet it illustrated Farr's beliefs on the "Jedi". I don't see the fact of when it occurred matters, as it stated Farr's growing discomfort with his alliance with Gunray. CC7567 (talk) 21:13, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
      • How did Amidala escape? (I think there's a factual error currently in there right now; please check the episode again and/or its guide on the official site.)
        • Now there's too much detail. It wasn't made clear before that she escaped, and that's why I objected.
          • I don't think there's too much detail. All there is now is that she escaped with a lockpick. —Lucius malfoy7 Liberty 00:36, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
            • Saying that she escaped is enough. It's not very much detail, yes, but it's something, and I personally find that a small detail like that implies that it was important to Farr that Amidala escaped with a lock pick, since it's included in his article. I don't see how it is. CC7567 (talk) 01:02, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
      • How did Farr see the error of his ways?
      • How was Gunray captured? What did Amidala help Farr to do?
      • While addressing the above, please be careful to keep it centered around Farr and from his perspective.
        • All of the above expanded/addressed. —Lucius malfoy7 Talk • Reference 20:57, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
          • No, they're still remaining. This section in particular jumps around way too much, and it's not even focused on Farr. The general events are there, but the article still requires significant expansion on Farr's point of view. How did he react to the events taking place? The only thing I notice on Farr's thoughts is a "reluctant alliance with Gunray," and there's nothing else. His alliance was reluctant, yes, but it was still an alliance, and there's no sense of his shift from appeasing Gunray to helping Amidala capture the viceroy. CC7567 (talk) 23:11, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
    • Article is in need of a P&T section.
    • CC7567 (talk) 06:14, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
  4. Attack of the Clone III
    • "He also disagreed with her shackling within her cell, though Nute Gunray insisted upon her restraint systems." The "disagreed with her" needs to be replaced with a noun for this to work. Someone can disagree with an action, but it needs to be an action, not a verb.
    • "Jar Jar Binks, however, accidentally disguised himself as a Jedi Knight, managing to destroy Gunray's starship." How did he "accidentally" disguise himself? Just say that he put on a Jedi robe and that the droids mistook him for a Jedi. Also, the two parts of this sentence (Jar Jar's disguise and the destruction of Gunray's ship) do not seem to be directly related, so they need to be separated.
      • Addressed.—Lucius malfoy7 Life 20:35, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
        • There's still no mention that the droids mistook him for a Jedi, so it's still unclear. CC7567 (talk) 21:13, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
    • Gunray's grudge against Amidala since the Battle of Naboo needs to be separately sourced, as it was not mentioned anywhere in the episode. The episode guide might have it, but it should be checked.
      • Should I source Ep I, the reason of the grudge, or Ep II, another example of the grudge? —Lucius malfoy7 Liberty 20:41, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
        • If you're going to mention it, you need to state the grudge's source, which means Episode I. Or at least somewhere that specifically states that Gunray held a grudge against Amidala because of the Invasion of Naboo. CC7567 (talk) 21:13, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
    • I'm still noticing that the Mission to Rugosa can still be expanded. Not to the point where the article is play-by-play, but Farr's actions require more expansion.
      • There is no mention of the exchange between Farr and Amidala after her arrival.
      • It needs to be stated that Farr accompanied the droids and Amidala to the detention center, and there disagreed with the shackling of Amidala.
      • "Farr, Amidala, Binks, and "Boogie", a Kwazel Maw, soon defeated many of the battle droids that had accompanied Gunray to Rodia." This comes straight out of the blue, as Farr's doubt of his alliance with Gunray was not specifically mentioned before. This objection is remaining above somewhere in my second look, and this will be fixed once the other one is fixed. It needs to be stated somewhere that "Farr began to doubt his alliance with the Confederacy..." and examples need to be given.
    • In the P&T, why would Farr want to bribe another senator?
    • More can be said re: Farr's support of his people. Didn't his willingness to somewhat sacrifice his morals and ally himself with the Separatists support this? I'm not sure what his morals were to begin with, but more can be said on the support he gave to his people.
    • That Farr was an ally of Amidala's father and a family friend of hers needs to be mentioned in the P&T.
    • "In addition, Farr was somewhat frightened by bounty hunter Cad Bane and his posse, as he was willing to comply with the Hunter's orders and did not doubt the reality of Bane's threats." It's either he was frightened or wasn't frightened; don't leave room for speculation.
    • The article's coming along; it's just the Mission to Rugosa and the P&T that mainly need work right now. CC7567 (talk) 04:38, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

  1. ACvote Well, it's really just sad, but the nominator has been banned. Voluntarily, I might add. CC7567 (talk) 22:26, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Thus die all traitors. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 22:27, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Per Tranner. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:31, 5 June 2009 (UTC)