Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Nemrileo irm-Drocubac

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Nemrileo irm-Drocubac

  • Nominated by: Supreme Emperor (talk) 01:06, March 25, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:Was up for CA, but objections brought it above 250 words. For project novels.

(4 ACs/2 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote Providing Jang's objections are met. Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 10:31, April 12, 2013 (UTC)
  2. ACvote JangFett (Talk) 17:10, April 14, 2013 (UTC)
  3. DarthRevan1173 Revan Headshot (Long live Lord Revan) 03:16, April 18, 2013 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 03:19, April 19, 2013 (UTC)
  5. Assuming you satisfy CC's objections. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 04:13, April 23, 2013 (UTC)
  6. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 20:44, May 5, 2013 (UTC)

Object

Djangeth Unchained
  • What's up with the NOTOC tag?
    • Oops, remnant from when it was a ca nom :P
  • Please reload your infobox
    • Reloaded
  • Please find a way to break up the first sentence in the intro. "Nemrileo irm-Drocubac was a male Tanjayan Senator who represented the planet Tanjay IV in the Republic Galactic Senate on Coruscant during the Separatist Crisis, in which many star systems left the Republic to form the Confederacy of Independent Systems."
    • How does that look?
  • Try to find a way to include his family in the intro. I believe a family article is needed here.
    • Worked his family into the intro, and i've already got articles for his wife and kids.
      • Yes, but I meant a family page such as House Valorum. I couldn't call it "House" unless it's confirmed, but rather irm-Drocubac family. It's conjecture. I would then link somewhere in the article. JangFett (Talk) 14:38, March 29, 2013 (UTC)
        • I see, created.
  • I am rather confused on how he actually died. The intro reads as if he crashed and died, while the bio suggests that he was murdered and his aircar crashed.
    • Reworded the intro, basically the approaching storm states the crash was caused by the systems failure, while the cswe states he was murdered by agents. Should I reword it a bit more?
      • If it's a discrepancy, then I would mention it in the bts. Take a look around and see if the sources connect the content in Approaching Storm and CSWE. If you cannot find anything, then I would go with what the CSWE says since it's newer. Article can assume, but you'll have to make that bts note. Saying "he was murdered" makes me wonder if there were agents in his speeder and they stabbed him or something, then he crashed. :P JangFett (Talk) 14:38, March 29, 2013 (UTC)
        • Did some rewording and shuffling, does it seem clearer now? Supreme Emperor (talk) 01:54, April 3, 2013 (UTC)
          • Better, but now it introduces another confusing issue: "The crash was attributed to internal guidance software failure in the delivery vehicle." You said it was sabotaged but later on you mention the quoted sentence. JangFett (Talk) 21:40, April 7, 2013 (UTC)
            • Shuffled the sentence around a bit, how does it look now? Supreme Emperor (talk) 03:22, April 10, 2013 (UTC)
              • The intro needs to reflect this as well then. JangFett (Talk) 00:01, April 11, 2013 (UTC)
                • Better? Or would you like me to expand the intro a bit as well? Supreme Emperor (talk) 01:16, April 11, 2013 (UTC)
                  • "Reflect" as in, mention "though the crash was officially attributed to internal guidance software failure in the delivery vehicle" in the intro :P Paraphrased, of course. JangFett (Talk) 18:43, April 12, 2013 (UTC)
                    • Something like this?
  • "his crash occurred in the south quadrant of Coruscant, section ninety-three of the exclusive Bindai suburb where he resided." Could you find a way to merge this information with the crash sentence? Its placement in the bio is rather odd.
    • Merged
  • "Nemrileo irm-Drocubac was a man who hated the common being" Did the source mention more or give examples?
    • None, did find a line I missed which stated his lifestyle was based on their productivity.
  • Please keep in mind, whenever you use pipelinks, be sure to capitalize the target article link in the double brackets. [[sexes|male]] needs to be [[Sexes|male]]. I hope this makes sense. I'll review this article again after these are handled. JangFett (Talk) 22:53, March 27, 2013 (UTC)
Stake
  • Do you mind creating a category for Tanjayans? It doesn't exist yet. Stake black msg 19:18, April 12, 2013 (UTC)
Revan
  • Please check your linking. I am seeing that you missed a few links.
    • Found one, i'm not seeing any more, which am I missing?
      • Agents for one the other two I'm not sure if there is an article for them or if they're article worthy specifically the Internal guidance system and the delivery vehicle that crashes into his aircar.
        • Linked agent, I really don't think the internal guidance system is article worthy and created a redlink for the delivery vehicle. I will make the article for this tomorrow night.
  • Isn't his appearance defined in the novel? If so that should be added to the infobox and the P&T section. DarthRevan1173 Revan Headshot (Long live Lord Revan) 21:46, April 14, 2013 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • Please take note of the proper capitalization of titles such as "Senator" from the Manual of Style. Ranks and titles like those should only be capitalized when referring to the individual holding the title, not the title itself. Please correct this in the article, and let me know if you have any questions.
    • Better?
  • In the intro, I think the part mentioning his family can be moved to somewhere else. Maybe introduce him as the senator of Tanjay IV (from the second sentence) and then mention his family? The flow of the intro doesn't quite seem to work very well the way it currently is.
    • Does this look better or do you want me to shuffle it around a bit more?
      • Looking at it as it is now, I don't think the context on the Separatist Crisis (as the event in which planets left the Republic for the Separatists) is necessary. Also, the intro needs to mention that he was involved in the conspiracy surrounding Ansion, as that was a very important factor in his assassination. CC7567 (talk) 22:56, April 28, 2013 (UTC)
        • How's this?
  • Context on Coruscant in the body.
    • Done, will finish the rest of the objections tonight. Supreme Emperor (talk) 14:58, April 26, 2013 (UTC)
      • Please make sure to check and adjust linking after making changes to the article; for example, planet needs to be linked in a different spot. CC7567 (talk) 22:56, April 28, 2013 (UTC)
        • Oops, fixed.
  • The way that the body presents his death needs to be reworded, as it's currently out of chronology and is thus rather confusing. The article should detail his life as much as possible in the order that things happen—i.e., first that he was traveling in his aircar, then that Separatist agents sabotaged a delivery vehicle to collide with his airspeeder. The reason for his murder can stay where it is (depending on what you decide), but the rest of the chronology needs to be reworked.
    • How's this?
      • I still think that prior to the sentence "Due to his doubts…," it should be first mentioned that he was traveling in an aircar in the south quadrant of Coruscant. The details are still somewhat confusing, as they should be presented in the order that they happen—which is not necessarily how The Approaching Storm will present them, please keep that in mind. CC7567 (talk) 22:56, April 28, 2013 (UTC)
        • Is this better?
  • It should also be presented very early on in the article that he resided in the Bindai district on Coruscant, instead of at the time of his death as it currently is.
    • Moved
  • Is there any more info from The Approaching Storm that can be added? I have a copy in front of me right now, and at the very least, his meeting with Mousul and the others in Chapter 4 needs to be mentioned. The specific reason for his murder—that he doubted Shu Mai ("Does she really? From what I've heard, she doesn't have a heart.") is also missing from the Bio. Additionally, his views on Mai are relevant to the P&T and should be mentioned there, as well as his involvement in the Ansion conspiracy. It also needs to be mentioned that he "lived and worked" on Coruscant "for the past fifteen years of his life" (as of 22 BBY), meaning that he began his career on Coruscant in 37 BBY. Please thoroughly check the novel for details like these. They are definitely required to having a comprehensive article on the character, in accordance with GAN Rule 9. I'll work more with you on this once you've added the necessary information to the article.
    • Added in everything i could find, how does it look? Thanks for reviewing and again, sorry it took so long for me to fix these, was quite busy IRL this week. Supreme Emperor (talk) 02:59, April 28, 2013 (UTC)
      • It's looking better; there are just some things that need adjusting. First, the "where he had worked for the past fifteen years" at the beginning of the Bio needs to be reworded. The Biography section of an article follows the character chronologically, meaning that it should be worded as something along the lines of, "He began working on Coruscant in 37 BBY"—instead of the current wording, which is based in 22 BBY (the fact that he worked there for fifteen years prior to then). Secondly, the P&T can still be expanded. The fact that he was involved in a Separatist conspiracy despite working as a Republic senator is a contradiction that is very noteworthy to his character. CC7567 (talk) 22:56, April 28, 2013 (UTC)
        • Is this better? Supreme Emperor (talk) 03:00, April 29, 2013 (UTC)
          • Almost. The 37 BBY part should still be worded as I mentioned previously ("He began working on Coruscant in 37 BBY"). The way it's currently worded, the article is restrained to a certain point of time—22 BBY, since it is stated that he had been working on Coruscant "since" 37 BBY. This needs to be adjusted. Let me know if you have any questions. CC7567 (talk) 00:03, April 30, 2013 (UTC)
            • Moved it up a few lines, reworded a bit, how does it look? Supreme Emperor (talk) 04:15, April 30, 2013 (UTC)
  • We don't usually include page numbers for items in the Sources section; removing the "115" parameter from the {{CSWECite}} and leaving it blank will suffice. CC7567 (talk) 18:16, April 20, 2013 (UTC)
  • I think there's still some info from The Approaching Storm that can be added. First, it would be useful to have the rest of the dialogue (which begins with the leading quote, and then continues when Mousul says, "You talk of committing treason…" and Nemrileo responds, "You don't have…") as a quote for the P&T.
    • Like this?
  • That dialogue also needs to be reflected in the content of the article. The fact that he had significant doubts about the conspiracy (not just about Shu Mai, which is already in the P&T) needs to be noted in the P&T. It also needs to be stated in the P&T that he regarded what he was doing as treason, but still did it. CC7567 (talk) 19:21, April 30, 2013 (UTC)
    • Added, do you want me to add in a bit about how he knowingly committed treason to the biography as well? Supreme Emperor (talk) 03:55, May 1, 2013 (UTC)
      • If you feel it's necessary, you're welcome to; it seems fine to me. CC7567 (talk) 18:15, May 3, 2013 (UTC)
  • Last one: can any relevant images be added to the article? Perhaps of Ansion, or of Shu Mai? CC7567 (talk) 18:15, May 3, 2013 (UTC)
    • Added a pic of Ansion under skirmish, would you like one of Shu Mai in there as well? Supreme Emperor (talk) 04:52, May 4, 2013 (UTC)
      • I won't make it a formal objection, but you're welcome to add an image of Shu Mai as well as long as the article doesn't get too image-heavy. CC7567 (talk) 20:44, May 5, 2013 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 20:44, May 5, 2013 (UTC)


I will finish off the remaining objections tomorrow, apologies for the delays. Distractions IRL. Supreme Emperor (talk) 02:37, April 25, 2013 (UTC)