Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Merumeru's battle staff

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Merumeru's battle staff

  • Nominated by: GTQ(Problems?) 20:30, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:

Pervious CA nom that went over 250 words GTQ(Problems?) 20:30, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

(5 ACs/1 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote Cleanup-tastic.—Tommy 9281 Thursday, June 2, 2011, 00:37 UTC
  2. ACvote Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 17:43, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Kilson(Let's have a chat) 17:44, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Nicely done. Take what you've learned and write some more articles, baby! Menkooroo 14:40, June 8, 2011 (UTC)
  5. Good work, GTQ. Nominating articles for GA is hard, so I'm glad to see you've been willing to learn from the experience. :) ~SavageBOB sig 15:10, June 8, 2011 (UTC)
  6. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:29, June 10, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Prelims
  • Before I start my review GTQ, I just want to say that although this nom is far from perfect, I'm glad to see you put a lot of time and effort into your work. This will take some time to pass, but if you continue working hard on this, this nom has a change.
  • OK, first, you should not put ref tags in the intro. That's a big no-no.
  • You should not have Intro-exclusive links. You should link a word once in the Intro and once in the Body. Go through and look for things you linked in the Intro but not in the Body.
    • That being said, you should not link something in the Body more than once, such as Merumeru.
      • This is still not fixed.
  • You have a few field in the Infobox that are not properly filled in, such as "Era" and "Locations". Also, you say Merumeru is an affiliation in the Infobox, when in fact he is the owner, so he can't be an affiliation. However, you can say the weapon is affiliated with his volunteer army.
    • Good job, but you can still be more descriptive in the Locations field, as in saying Kachirho.
  • In the intro, you refer to the staff as a "battle staff", but is the only time you mention it as a battle staff. Please add this to the Description and History.
  • You can mention the fact that the staff could be wielded one handed in the Description section.
  • In the History section you say, "The only time the staff is known to have been used in battle was in 19 BBY..." Remember that we're supposed to write the article in an In-Universe perspective. Although we ourselves have only seen the staff used in battle once, it is improper to say "it is know" because it could have been used more than once, but we don't know it. If would be better to say, "The battle staff was used in 19 BBY..."
    • Not quite, unless a source directly says the staff was "only used once" or something along those lines, you should not assume that it was only used once.
  • That's my preliminary objections. Once you address these, I'll re-review. Stick with it GTQ, you can do this. :) Kilson(Let's have a chat) 03:45, May 28, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thanks Kilson I think I have addressed all of them GTQ(Problems?) 12:48, May 28, 2011 (UTC)
Round two
  • In the intro, "This battle staff was a staff wielded by Merumeru, a Wookiee Elder, in battle." First, you don't have to say staff the second time, you can just say, "This battle staff was wielded by..." Also, the repetition of "battle" is a bit awkward. Try replacing the second battle with "combat" or another synonym.
  • Just as a bit of writing advice, referring to the battle staff as "it", while grammatically correct, doesn't sound that good. Try going through the article and replacing "it" with "the staff" or "this staff".
    • Still got a few "it"s.
  • Let me teach you a nice little trick I learned while writing articles. Generally, you want the Intro to look a lot smaller than the Body. That doesn't mean you should take away any important information, but what you can do is change words around, placing the bigger words in the Body and the smaller words in the Intro. What I'm referring to is this: in the Intro you mention Confederacy of the Independent Systems, while in the History section, you refer to the Confederacy as the "separatist". You should instead place Separatists in the Intro, and the "Confederacy of Independent Systems" in the History section. Also, remember to capitalize Separatists, as it is the nickname for an organization.
    • GTQ, that doesn't mean you should say, "Confederacy of Independent Systems separatists invaded Kashyyyk," either say "Confederacy of Independent Systems" or say "Separatists", not both. Also, you still forgot to capitalize Separatists. :P
  • The History section is very choppy and doesn't flow well at all. I'll go into more detail about this in my next review, but I would like to see you try working on this until then. You should go into more detail about the battle itself, such as how the Separatists were assaulting the beachfront of Kachirho, and how the Wookiees were waiting behind a barricade until Merumeru called them into battle with his staff.
    • It still need work, but I'll delve more deeply into it during my next review. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 04:29, June 1, 2011 (UTC)
  • I did a number of small edits. Please look through them when you have a moment. Although I corrected these mistakes now, I want you to learn from them and not repeat them next time. Good job so far. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 05:01, May 29, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thanks, I will learn from these mistakes in the future GTQ(Problems?) 13:01, May 29, 2011 (UTC)
      • I have adressed all of them GTQ(Problems?) 01:05, June 1, 2011 (UTC)
        • Think I got all the its GTQ(Problems?) 00:36, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
Jujiggum
  • You can fill in some information in the infobox that you've hidden: for example, the weapon's height
    • Please source this information. Also, does any source specifically state that it was "not for sale"? Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 18:10, June 5, 2011 (UTC)
  • Context for Kachirho please
    • Please watch your grammar when fixing objections. This bit was minor, and I fixed it myself, but please be more careful in the future. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 18:10, June 5, 2011 (UTC)
  • You have a bit of intro-exclusive information
  • Shouldn't you have a {{1stID}} tag for the Databank entry?
  • Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 15:11, June 3, 2011 (UTC)
    • Alright well I think I got all the intro exclusive info, if I didn't tell me what I missed. Context added, Info unhidden. as for the 1st ID tag, when I had this up as a CAnom I forget if it was Axe or Bob pointed out that is identified as a battle staff not as Merumeru's Battle staff or something along this lines.If my explanation is unclear look to the CAnom for a likely better one GTQ(Problems?) 22:52, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
      • I understand what you're saying, but that doesn't mean you remove the tag altogether; it just means you need to add an extra parameter: <nowki>(First identified as Battle staff)</nowiki>. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 18:10, June 5, 2011 (UTC)
        • Ok I put the {{1stID}} tag in. Sorry about my bad grammar I'm working hard to watch it and avoid stupid mistakes. GTQ(Problems?) 21:02, June 5, 2011 (UTC)
          • Ok sorry sourced the stuff. The not for sale was speculation on my part so I removed it GTQ(Problems?) 23:45, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
            • In the future, please specify that you've addressed an objection under the actual objection itself, in order to keep things more coherent. Thank you. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 17:43, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
Prepare to be savaged…
  • "During the filming of Revenge of the Sith, Axel Dench, who played Merumeru, used a prop that looked more like a long wand, but was later altered using computer-generated imagery to look like a battle staff." This line is a bit disjoined. You never make the connection between the wand and the eventual staff. My suggestion would be to split this into two sentences. ~SavageBOB sig 00:13, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
    • I think I fixed itGTQ(Problems?) 00:32, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
      • It's better, but in needs more. Now it reads, "During the filming of Revenge of the Sith, Axel Dench, who played Merumeru, used a prop that looked more like a long wand." As this stands, we don't know what he used the wand for, and why that's relevant information. Try adding why he used the wand to the first sentence so it makes more sense. ~SavageBOB sig 01:21, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
        • Better? GTQ(Problems?) 01:23, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
          • I tried to strengthen it even more to make the connection more obvious. Everything looks good, so once you've fixed the problems mentioned by Tope below, I'll be happy to support! (He means that you need to format the notes themselves to match the way things are listed under "Appearances" and "Sources".) ~SavageBOB sig 20:21, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • Notes and references needs to be italicized. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:47, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
    • italicized GTQ(Problems?) 20:11, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
      • That's hilariously incorrect. Try again. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:13, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
        • I had a feeling that was wrong in fact I really knew it but I am not exactly sure what you want italicized so I kinda took a wild guess if you would clarify I will address it GTQ(Problems?) 20:18, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
          • We have several hundred status articles on this wiki. Take a gander. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:20, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
            • This is probably just me being stupid or maybe it is my bad eye sight but I don't see any thing different and I have checked 5 or 6 GA's GTQ(Problems?) 20:29, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
              • Check that I see what is wrong but how do I get them to appear that way? GTQ(Problems?) 23:05, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
                • Took me a while but I got it. Please forgive my idiotness GTQ(Problems?) 23:13, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
  • Please include eras template at top of article
  • There is nothing in the Databank that makes this assertion. As such, it is speculation. We either know it's made of wood or we don't. Don't guess at what it "appears" to be: "The staff also appeared to be made of a substance similar to wood" Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:00, June 8, 2011 (UTC)
    • Removed the speculation, added eras template GTQ(Problems?) 19:55, June 8, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 19:29, June 10, 2011 (UTC)


Shot my word count screwed up this is well bellow 250 words I'm really sorry this just me being stupid again so sorry GTQ(Problems?) 20:35, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

  • The article is at 176 words by my count; if you want to put in some effort, I think it might be worthwhile to try sectioning into an intro plus a "Characteristics" and "History" section, which might bring it to 250. I wouldn't save it if you don't like it, but you might want to write it out and preview it to see how it fares. That way, if it works out, you won't need to de-nominate and then re-nominate again.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 23:51, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

Ok Axe I will give it a shot GTQ(Problems?) 01:16, May 28, 2011 (UTC)

  • At 237 now, so you're close. I definitely think you could do it, as you currently have intro-exclusive information, such as the fact that Merumeru was a Wookiee elder, the fact that he used the staff in 19 BBY, and that he led a group of Wookiee warriors. If you add this information to the body somewhere, I think you could definitely bring the article over 250.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 02:00, May 28, 2011 (UTC)
  • Ok I think I got it over 250 GTQ(Problems?) 02:20, May 28, 2011 (UTC)