Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Lothalian citizen assistance office

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Lothalian citizen assistance office

• Nominated by: ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 17:48, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
• Nomination comments:
  • About 340 words.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)

Support

UberSoldat93 (talk) 11:46, 13 March 2021 (UTC)

1. Immi Thrax (talk) 06:02, 13 April 2021 (UTC)
2. Good work, Impactic. OOM 224 ^{༼༽talk༼༽} 17:07, 13 April 2021 (UTC)
3. Imperators II^(Talk) 09:18, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
4. MasterFred(talk) 16:02, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
5. Tommy-Macaroni 09:49, 20 April 2021 (UTC)

Object

UberSoldat

• Links have to be repeated between the infobox, intro, and main body. Please ensure the main body is fully linked.
  • Repeated the links from intro in the main body. ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 18:11, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
• The article has a Conjecture template, yet the article proper treats the name as if it's the actual title. Please rectify this. UberSoldat93 (talk) 17:53, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
  • Removed occurrences where the name is used in that way. ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 18:07, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
    • Still needs to be addressed for the intro. UberSoldat93 (talk) 18:31, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
      • I removed the full name, but it still feels off. Any suggestions on how to write it within the intro? ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 18:53, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
        • I have reworded the intro, please let me know if you are satisfied with this change. UberSoldat93 (talk) 19:16, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
          • Looks good to me. As for the "instalment" vs "installment", "installment" is the American spelling and should be used over the other spelling, Right? ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 19:19, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
            • Yeah, fixed it. UberSoldat93 (talk) 19:24, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
• People from Lothal are called "Lothalites," and as such any instances of "Lothalian citizens" should be modified.
  • Fixed. ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 18:53, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
• Coruscant, Lothal, and Bartanish Four Sector (where is this one located?) need context.
  • I added context to Lothal and Coruscant. The Bartanish Four Sector has very little location information in the book, aside from the fact that its closer to the Federal District. ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 18:57, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
    • Still missing in the intro and for Lothal. UberSoldat93 (talk) 19:16, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
      • Aadded context in the Intro. What extra context is needed for Lothal? ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
        • Nothing else. UberSoldat93 (talk) 19:44, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
• In formal writing, you refer to characters by their last names, not the first.
  • Fixed. ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 18:53, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
• Category:Offices should be added. UberSoldat93 (talk) 18:31, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
  • Done. ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 18:53, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
• Can you modify the opening quote's description so that it connects to the subject of the article better?
  • Done. ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 19:52, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
• An image of Renking from the comic can be added to the article.
  • Added ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 19:52, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
• From reading the novel, it looks there should be a general article for "citizen assistance office," and thus should be linked in this article. UberSoldat93 (talk) 19:16, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
  • Linked, but I'll have to create the page. I'll update once its done. ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 19:52, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
    • Page created. ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 20:00, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
• Please check these sources for a mention of the subject. UberSoldat93 (talk) 06:32, 19 December 2020 (UTC)
  • Theres no mention of the office anywhere in the Rebels episodes or the junior novel. I also checked the other Thrawn books, and it isnt mentioned there either. ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 16:40, 19 December 2020 (UTC)
    • Those are not the sources I asked you to check. I linked a specific section of the article that contained the sources to be investigated. UberSoldat93 (talk) 16:44, 19 December 2020 (UTC)
      • Ah! Sorry! My computer cut those off the screen. I'll check them now. ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 16:47, 19 December 2020 (UTC)
      • The women of the galaxy book mentions that she works for a senator on coruscant. Would that count as an indirect mention? I do not own the Ultimate Star Wars book, so I am unable to check that one. ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 16:58, 19 December 2020 (UTC)
        • For Women of the Galaxy, not really. As for Ultimate Star Wars, one of the requirements for a nomination is a comprehensive list of sources, so you need to find someone who can check the book for you. UberSoldat93 (talk) 17:02, 19 December 2020 (UTC)
          • Okay. sounds good. I'll consult the discord. In the meantime, is there anything else I can improve? ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 17:38, 19 December 2020 (UTC)
          • Thanks to the help of Lewisr, I can say that the Ultimate Star Wars mentions an office, but doesn't specify whether it means this one or the one in Bartanish 4. It just says she accepted a job in the office, but was later fired. Should I put it down as a mention? ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 18:26, 19 December 2020 (UTC)
            • That isn't specific enough, so no. UberSoldat93 (talk) 18:35, 19 December 2020 (UTC)
• Please introduce a paragraph break in History.
• I see a new category redlink to be filled in: Category:Citizen assistance offices.
• Error in the date note: You need to specify the earliest point at which the office existed, in this case it's 13 BBY. Right now you've stated that it was built by 11 BBY. UberSoldat93 (talk) 17:55, 8 February 2021 (UTC)
  • Added a line break. As for the date, Thrawn takes begins somewhere between 13 BBY and 11 BBY. If the story took place in 11 BBY, then the office could have been built in 12 BBY. That's why a used the latest date, I'll switch it to 13 if you think it's necessary. ImpacticForce (Talk) 21:02, 11 February 2021 (UTC)
  • Created the category. ImpacticForce (Talk) 21:27, 11 February 2021 (UTC)
    • The office could've been built at any point in time. Also, doesn't the chapter that mentions the office take place after a time skip since the novel is set over multiple years? If so, I don't actually see the need for the date note. You also have an unsourced paragraph. UberSoldat93 (talk) 18:41, 13 February 2021 (UTC)
      • So just remove the mention of any date entirley? Arihnda was offered the job at the office before the time skip, so it was in existence by then. You've been editing a lot longer than me though, so I'll do what you think is best. Fixed the unsourced paragraph, do you think it needs another paragraph break? ImpacticForce (Talk) 03:11, 15 February 2021 (UTC)
        • The timeline of the novel is kept vague anyway, so a date note here involves speculation since you are assuming the office couldn't have been opened during the events of the novel. UberSoldat93 (talk) 05:54, 15 February 2021 (UTC)
          • Okay. Sounds good. I removed the date notes, and any mentions of a date in the body. ImpacticForce (Talk) 21:44, 15 February 2021 (UTC)
• Looking at the novel, I'm unable to find the part where it says Renking opened the office, only that he owned it during the events of the novel. UberSoldat93 (talk) 10:23, 16 February 2021 (UTC)
  • Fixed ImpacticForce (Talk) 00:16, 17 February 2021 (UTC)
• You repeat info in the intro: "...tended specifically to the needs of Lothalites living there. [...] served to assist with the complaints and needs of the citizens."
• I would combine third and fourth sentences together as their openings are repetitive.
• Intro: "The office continued to run under a new overseer." Body: "The following week, the citizen assistance office was reopened with a new overseer.". These are saying two different things. Was it always open or did it temporarily close down?
• Too many sentences in Description start with "The office." Please introduce some variation.
• Since "Bartanish Four Sector supplementary citizen assistance office" is a conjectural title, I would avoid spelling out that name in the body. UberSoldat93 (talk) 09:26, 12 March 2021 (UTC)
  • Addressed all. I assume the "third and fourth sentences" you were referring to were in the intro? ImpacticForce (Talk) 18:43, 12 March 2021 (UTC)
    • Yes. That's much better. UberSoldat93 (talk) 11:44, 13 March 2021 (UTC)
• I really think you should avoid two-sentence paragraphs and can merge them with others without them becoming too long. UberSoldat93 (talk) 05:53, 15 April 2021 (UTC)
  • I think it's better now, what do you think? ImpacticForce (Talk) 02:52, 17 April 2021 (UTC)

Macaroni

• Audiobook for Thrawn will need to be added, and the Thrawn comic adaptation should be checked.
  • Do you mind if I chip in? The comic also has a "mention only", no new info.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 18:23, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
  • I added the audiobook. In the comic, the office is mentioned in a flashback, but never appears. What template(s) should be used in that situation? ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 18:24, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
    • You can use {{Mo}} next to {{Flash}}. Additionally, audiobooks should be formatted like this: [[Thrawn (audiobook)|''Thrawn'' audiobook]]
      • Done. ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 18:50, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
        • Please use {{1stm}} for the book and audiobook, as they were first mentioned in both simultaneously, like this: (First mentioned, simultaneous with Thrawn audiobook), and vice versa next to the audiobook.
          • Done. Should I remove the parentheses around audio book? ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 19:12, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
          • It seems to have been done, which is the correct thing to do. JediMasterMacaroni(Conversation) 19:30, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
• Introduction could be expanded.
  • I expanded it a little. Think it could use more? ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 18:50, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
    • It could use a little more about its history.
      • I added more History to the intro. ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 19:33, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
        • That's better. JediMasterMacaroni(Conversation) 19:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
• Could a quote be added to the description section? JediMasterMacaroni(Conversation) 18:12, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
  • Quote added. ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 18:29, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
• Some underlinking in the article body.JediMasterMacaroni(Conversation) 19:08, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
  • I added 1 or 2 but I couldn't find any more to add. Any that stand out to you? ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 20:09, 18 December 2020 (UTC)
  • Added the links you mentioned. ImpacticForce ^(Talk) 20:16, 18 December 2020 (UTC)

OOM

• "and as such, was among the sprawling cityscape." The cityscape of what? The article should clarify that.
• You should vary your wording; there's four instances of "located."
• Everything in the body should be in past tense, so the word "would" should be removed from the article.
• Lacking context for Lothalite; I think it would be best if the article uses the term when mentioning the five hundred citizens from Lothal.
• Formatting:
  • <br /> (note the space between "r" and "/") should be used instead of <br>
  • For images and templates, spaces should be replaced by underscores (e.g. [[File:Luke_Skywalker.jpg]] instead of [[File:Luke Skywalker.jpg]]
• There's no need for the full stop (period) in the History section's quote attribution; it's not a complete sentence. OOM 224 ^{༼༽talk༼༽} 12:58, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
  • Addressed all. ImpacticForce (Talk) 16:20, 18 March 2021 (UTC)
• Pryce's parents moving to Batonn is not relevant. What is relevant, however, is the fact that Elainye was released, since it ties into Pryce's deal and her working at the office.
• The article should mention that the Bartanish Four office was newly opened due to a new program encouraging senators to set up and fund supplementary offices across Coruscant. I'd check the novel myself for further information like this, but I only have access to the limited preview function of Google Books. OOM 224 ^{༼༽talk༼༽} 12:10, 6 April 2021 (UTC)
• The article should also elaborate on Pryce's intention to work on Coruscant. OOM 224 ^{༼༽talk༼༽} 13:02, 6 April 2021 (UTC)
  • Fixed. Does any specific point need more than I added? ImpacticForce (Talk) 15:49, 6 April 2021 (UTC)
    • Yes, I'd like you to include the information regarding the new program as I said above. OOM 224 ^{༼༽talk༼༽} 21:10, 6 April 2021 (UTC)
      • Added. Also added the info discussed via discord. ImpacticForce (Talk) 03:29, 7 April 2021 (UTC)
• Last thing: You can introduce some paragraph breaks for a better presentation. Ideally, a paragraph on Wookieepedia should have no more than about 5 lines OOM 224 ^{༼༽talk༼༽} 10:18, 13 April 2021 (UTC)
  • Added. One may need to be removed, but it would create a rather long paragraph. ImpacticForce (Talk) 15:22, 13 April 2021 (UTC)
    • That's fine. Note: Don't forget to add references after breaking up a paragraph. OOM 224 ^{༼༽talk༼༽} 17:07, 13 April 2021 (UTC)

Imp

• Right now, many sentences in History feel quite short and choppy to me. Please go through the section and try and connect them into slightly longer ones. (No need to go overboard, of course.) While you're at it, please also try to ease the "Renking did this. Renking did that. Renking did that again" situation going on in the third paragraph. Imperators II^(Talk) 13:37, 15 April 2021 (UTC)
  • Combined and extended sentences. Does it still feel choppy? I tried to use a larger variety of ways to refer to Renking. ImpacticForce (Talk) 02:57, 17 April 2021 (UTC)
    • That's better. Imperators II^(Talk) 09:18, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
• Reviewing note: Keep this in mind. Imperators II^(Talk) 09:18, 19 April 2021 (UTC)

Tommy

• Nice work with this! Just one little thing. You have the Empire in the office's affiliation in the infobox, but this isn't mentioned explicitly in the body. I'd like to see some mention of the office's relationship with the Empire in the description and perhaps the into. Maybe you could just say "Imperial Senator Domus Renking," but I'll leave it up to you. Tommy-Macaroni 12:38, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
  • I think that's the best way to incorporate it into the article. Added. ImpacticForce (Talk) 16:11, 19 April 2021 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 09:49, 20 April 2021 (UTC)

Should the page be moved to Lothalite assistance office? ImpacticForce (Talk) 16:28, 12 January 2021 (UTC)

• What's wrong with the current title? UberSoldat93 (talk) 12:41, 15 January 2021 (UTC)
  • Since citizens of Lothal are "Lothalites," it may be preferable to move it. It may be fine where it is, though. ImpacticForce (Talk) 18:43, 15 January 2021 (UTC)
    • This one's up to you. Both demonyms are fine in my opinion. UberSoldat93 (talk) 13:00, 16 January 2021 (UTC)