Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Kowakian crumb cake

< Wookieepedia:Good article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Kowakian crumb cake

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)

Support

  1. ACvote Imperators II(Talk) 07:36, 2 February 2021 (UTC)
  2. Objections addressed or discussed via Discord, which also made me crave it. Immi Thrax (talk) 12:54, 3 February 2021 (UTC)
  3. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 14:34, 5 February 2021 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Ayrehead02 (talk) 01:08, 11 February 2021 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 02:35, 12 February 2021 (UTC)

Object

Immi Thrax
  • Starting my review with the intro and description. In the introduction, the third sentence is clunky from having multiple dependent clauses ("which he used," "when he used"). This would benefit from a rewrite.
    • Unclunked.
  • Similarly, the last sentence gets tripped up in the middle: "Tuggs sold Kowakian crumb cake at his restaurant, Tuggs' Grub, on Batuu, and included a recipe for it..." Some rewording/rearranging could address that.
    • The removal of the commas here cleans it up.
  • Overly verbose: "It had a crumb topping that was pink in color, as well as a white icing."
    • Rewritten.
  • "It was created by the chef Strono Tuggs, who discovered that Kowakian monkey-lizards were drawn to the cake." This reads to me like this discovery about monkey-lizards is related to or involved in his creation of the cake. If those are separate events, separating those points could help with clarity. Immi Thrax (talk) 06:50, 2 February 2021 (UTC)
  • History section:
    • The last paragraph of the history section starts clunking up. I like the linking of luring/baiting both monkey-lizards and customers, but trip on the strings of description all together. Moving the point about "a benefit he had taken advantage of on multiple occasions" to the first paragraph could help. Withdrawing for reasons of chronological order -- Immi Thrax (talk) 02:38, 3 February 2021 (UTC)
    • Closing the paragraphs on "to Tuggs' Grub, his restaurant on Batuu, a planet in the Outer Rim Territories"-- maybe establish what/where the restaurant is first, then make the point about monkey-lizards and customers? Immi Thrax (talk) 02:16, 3 February 2021 (UTC)
Ayrehead
  • I'd change Tugg's Grubb to Blackspire outpost in the found on section of the infobox, especially since you mention it in affiliation. Ayrehead02 (talk) 23:59, 9 February 2021 (UTC)
  • The BTS image should be moved up to the first paragraph so it doesn't overlap the next section header. Ayrehead02 (talk) 23:59, 9 February 2021 (UTC)
  • Instead of "current canon" it's generally preferable to say "in the new Star Wars canon". Ayrehead02 (talk) 23:59, 9 February 2021 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • The double use of "used" here is repetitive. Please reword: "He used this to his advantage by 34 ABY, when he used the cake..."
  • Just a reviewing note, there's some significant underlinking in this article. Something to pay closer attention to in future noms. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 19:10, 11 February 2021 (UTC)
    • Done. I'll be better about linking next time. JediMasterMacaroniAdmiral Ackbar RH(Talk) 19:21, 11 February 2021 (UTC)
      • I'm going to send this back for one more try. I don't find "employed this to his advantage" to be very good phrasing. The normal wording is obviously "used to one's advantage," which is why you wrote that originally. Try and come up with something better. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 19:26, 11 February 2021 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 02:35, 12 February 2021 (UTC)