Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Battle of Malastare/Legends

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Battle of Malastare

  • Nominated by: —TK-999 Era-imp(Rise of the Empire) 12:35, April 7, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: First nomination. Please note that I am usually online between 14:00–19:00 (UTC).

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Very nice work for your first nomination. I believe other users will have some objections about missing sources, but the article otherwise is thorough and well-written.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 17:35, April 13, 2011 (UTC)
  2. Good work. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 17:51, April 28, 2011 (UTC)
  3. Good enough for me. Karohalva 14:34, May 1, 2011 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 10:24, May 14, 2011 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 01:25, May 15, 2011 (UTC)
  6. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:31, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Master Fredcerique
  • The "Prelude" section is not meant for a quick overview of the battle, as far as I know. It is supposed to describe events leading up to the battle. Why was the CIS invading? Who was there before the battle? What started the battle? Things like that. MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 18:51, April 8, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thank you for your review, but unfortunately, I have no knowledge of a legitimate source that contains such information. If I added things like "the Confederacy invaded because they needed fuel", that would be speculation. However, if permissible, I will omit the "Prelude" section and merge it into "The battle".—TK-999 Era-imp(Rise of the Empire) 08:31, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
      • I have recreated the Prelude section, based on information from Jedipedia.—TK-999 Era-imp(Rise of the Empire) 10:21, April 10, 2011 (UTC)
        • Sorry for the wait. Been busy. That's better. MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 13:37, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
          • Oh, it is of no concern. Thanks for the review.—TK-999 Era-imp(Rise of the Empire) 18:09, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
            • I'll try and get to the rest of the article if I can find time. MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 18:17, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
Axinal
  • It is established that this conflict is part of the Clone Wars in the intro, but not the body. Please try to add this, preferably in the prelude section.
  • Can we get a quote for the prelude?
  • There's a bit of underlinking in the body; specifically, superweapon, electro-proton bomb, and palace (though you linked Imperial Palace, try to link palace as well, as it's mentioned more than once), among others. Remember, everything possible needs to be linked once in the intro, once in the infobox, and once in the main body.
  • In the first paragraph of the "Beginning battle" section, you tell us that the chancellor authorized use of the weapon, and then go on to say "However, due the turn of events, its use was required." However, you don't establish that there was controversy over the weapon in the first place until the next paragraph. Could you give this a small rewrite so readers are aware that there was controversy, but the chancellor authorized it anyway?
  • More shortly.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 17:26, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thank you for your advice. Is it better now?—TK-999 Era-imp(Rise of the Empire) 18:09, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
      • Yes, excellent work. There are still a few more things I think could be linked, but I'll strike that objection until I have some more specifics.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 18:29, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
  • You use parentheses at one point in The Zillo Beast section; generally, parentheses are frowned upon in encyclopedic entries. Could you try to eliminate those? I like to use emdashes in cases like this, but how it's written is up to you.
  • You mention that Sionver Boll is of an "unknown species". In non-BTS sections of in-universe articles, we try to avoid stating what we don't know. You could mention that she's of a non-Human species, or just not mention her species at all, since you've already given her context as "a female scientist".
  • I gave the article a small copy-edit for some minor grammatical issues, and one link in the intro. I have just a few objections left, which I'll post here shortly.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 18:52, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
  • Since you mention that the battle was "one of the longest and fiercest engagements in the Clone Wars" in the intro, that should also be mentioned in the body (I know you had it in the prelude section before you rewrote it). You might be able to work it into the aftermath section. It's not terribly important where it's mentioned, just that it's mentioned.
  • Add some context on Coruscant in the intro and body. We both know it's the Republic's capital, but a new reader may not.
    • I see context in the aftermath, but not in the intro; also, as "Prelude," "The battle," and "Aftermath" all constitute the body, and Galactic Republic is linked in the Prelude, you need not link it in the aftermath as well.
  • Treaty should be linked in the intro.
  • CC-7567, CC-0411, and V-19 Torrent starfighter are in the infobox. They and their roles should all be included in the body.
  • Similarly, Dug cavaliers are in the infobox, but just mentioned as "Dug forces" in the body. Again, describe what the Dug cavaliers are and what they did during the battle (this won't require a rewrite if they're covered by the "Dug forces," just make sure it's linked).
  • Link doctor and scientist in the body (they're both in the context on Sionver Boll).
  • In the intro and body, Palpatine is given context as the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic. Then, in the aftermath, you tell us that the Zillo Beast recognized him as a Sith Lord. Since the fact that he's a Sith Lord is important to the aftermath, you ought to mention it at least in the body (and in the intro if you wish, though that's not totally necessary). Adding it to the prelude as such should be fine: "Therefore, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine—who was secretly a Sith Lord [remember to link it there]—intended to secure the world..."
  • I believe that's all I have. Once you've addressed these, I'll give the article one more look, and then you should have my vote. Overall, nice work!—Axinal Convocation Chamber 19:41, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
  • Oops, one more: The aftermath says the following: "The unconscious beast was loaded onto transports after being airlifted by a flight of LAAT/c gunships, but Palpatine altered the plans and ordered to transport the Zillo to Coruscant so that its armor could be studied for possible use." What, exactly, were the original plans that Palpatine altered? This could be mentioned either in The battle portion or in the aftermath.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 19:44, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thanks. I altered all these.—TK-999 Era-imp(Rise of the Empire) 14:04, April 13, 2011 (UTC)
      • Yep, nice work—just see my comment on context on Coruscant. Also (since I love linking), you might go ahead and link Sith and Lord (separately) in the aftermath where you say the Zillo recognized Palpatine.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 16:23, April 13, 2011 (UTC)
        • One more thing I just noticed as well; when you added the bit about Palpatine being a Sith Lord, you added Palpatine's and Sidious's respective entries to the databank to the list of sources; I believe that this is not necessary unless those entries make reference to the Battle of Malastare itself. Only those sources should be in the list. Just referencing the information via a superscript, as you did, is enough.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 16:50, April 13, 2011 (UTC)
          • Well, at least one will find the respective entries quicker :).—TK-999 Era-imp(Rise of the Empire) 16:53, April 13, 2011 (UTC)
            • Sorry, I think not necessary was the wrong word choice; I actually think it's, how you say, not allowed. A "Sources" list is kind of an encyclopedic version of the "Appearances" list. While the "Appearances" section lists novels, episodes, and other "story"-type entries in which the subject is mentioned, the "Sources" section lists encyclopedic references in which the subject is mentioned. For example, we find out (officially) that Palps is a Sith Lord in Ep. III, but you obviously wouldn't list that in the "Appearances" section, even if you used info from that movie in the article. The sources section should be treated the same way, so only entries referencing the battle itself are listed.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 17:02, April 13, 2011 (UTC)

Fixed.—TK-999 Era-imp(Rise of the Empire) 17:14, April 13, 2011 (UTC)

Ecks Dee
  • Actually, I think the intro could use some expansion. It seems rather short at the moment. 1358 (Talk) 18:24, April 25, 2011 (UTC)
    • I rewrote it and extended it; is it better?—TK-999 Era-imp(Rise of the Empire) 18:41, April 25, 2011 (UTC)
      • Yes, it looks better. However, I'd suggest putting the bolded part into the first sentence. I'll read the intro later. 1358 (Talk) 19:43, April 25, 2011 (UTC)
QGJ
  • Supreme Chancellor Palpatine had previously authorized the army to utilize a new superweapon called the electro-proton bomb, which could release an electromagnetic wave capable of disabling droids and vehicles within its explosive radius, and had never been tested before. Try to keep the flow of the events chronological. First say that Palpatine authorized the use of the bomb, then talk about everything else.
  • Doge Urus later informed the Jedi that the creature was none other than the last surviving Zillo Beast. Some context on the Zillo Beasts in general would be nice.
  • The Jedi then contacted Chancellor Palpatine, showing him a holo-recording of the creature, which amazed him. What amazed him? The recording or the creature? Please clarify.
  • In the "aftermath," can you explain why Palpatine wanted to kill the Zillo Beast if he was so eager to study it before?
  • Very nice otherwise. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 17:34, April 26, 2011 (UTC)
Karohalva the Infallible Pumpkin
  • The Intro
    • "...necessary for the Galactic Republic to maintain their offensive." The Republic is a single entity, thus the plural usage is unneeded.
    • The first sentence needs a comma after "of the Clone Wars".
    • The second sentence is a run-on sentence. I advise splitting it beginning with "so Palpatine..." It's not essential, though.
    • "...occupied a final stand" Occupying a stand seems to imply some physical object, maybe stadium grandstands? Needs clarity.
    • "...Palpatine intended to save the monster..." implies premeditation. "Palpatine desired" or "Palpatine wished" is better.
    • The last sentence is a run-on sentence. I advise splitting it beginning at "and a treaty..."
  • The Prelude
    • Is it necessary to note that Palpie "was secretly a Sith Lord"?
      • If I may jump in here, I requested that TK put that in there so that readers won't be surprised when they read in the Aftermath that Palps was a Sith Lord.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 22:22, April 30, 2011 (UTC)
      • Good enough for me. Karohalva 22:24, April 30, 2011 (UTC)
  • The Battle
    • "...came on the verge of capturing..." should be "...were on the verge of capturing..."
    • "...within its explosive radius, and had never been tested before." should be two sentences. Perhaps, "This weapon was yet untested, however, and Doge Nakha Urus..."
    • Which would necessitate splitting the next line into, "Nevertheless, they eventually agreed..."
    • Needs introductory word, "Meanwhile, a T-series tactical droid..." or something akin.
    • Also, "Windu, Skywalker, Urus, and Boll" probably should be assembling something, otherwise it suggests they alone were at the palace.
  • Zillo Beast
    • "...standing on top of a creature" should be "standing atop a creature" because, meh, I like fewer syllables when possible.
    • "...pierce the beast's skin" should be "pierce the beast's hide".
    • "...causing it to crash" probably should say "him" instead of "it" to forefend meaning the Zillo Beast crashed.
    • "The Jedi stated that ending the life of the last member of a sentient species was against the Jedi Code, but the Dug leader did not allow interference into the subject, dubbing it an internal affair and threatening to reject the fuel reserve treaty if he was not allowed to kill the Zillo with Republic support, thus using his position to enforce the Republic to accept it." Too long. Split it up.
  • The Aftermath
    • "...and the battle was one of the longest and fiercest engagements of the Clone Wars" You already said this in the intro.
    • "...wreaked havoc on the city-planet" could be "wrought havoc on the ecumenopolis" thus linking, whee!
  • Aaand that's all I've got. Karohalva 22:20, April 30, 2011 (UTC)
    • I think I have it all. As for the repetition of the battle being one of the bloodiest, there should be no intro-exlusive info, as far as I can see. Also, I separated the part which says that the bomb was untested with an em dash.—TK-999 Era-imp(Rise of the Empire) 11:32, May 1, 2011 (UTC)
The Cav-Man
  • There shouldn't be any links in the quotes or image captions, unless the link is to an article that, for some reason, does not appear in the main body. These need to be checked and removed as necessary.
    • For the record, I had to remove several links in quotes that you missed. Please be more careful when checking.
  • as her war effort would have suffered a severe setback without them. - use of the word "her" in reference to the Republic should be replaced by a neutral quantifier. This may require a slight rewriting of the sentence.
  • Context needed for R2-D2 on first mention.
  • the battle was one of the longest and fiercest engagements of the Clone Wars - is this actually stated in the source?
  • The battle made its debut in the twelfth episode of the second season of the Star Wars: The Clone Wars animated TV series, titled "The Zillo Beast". - our article on the episode states it was the eighteenth episode, not the twelfth. Please check and fix as necessary. - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 13:53, May 11, 2011 (UTC)
    • Addressed. As for the "longest and fiercest" stuff:
Source: TCW mini logo Star Wars: The Clone Wars — "The Zillo Beast" "newsreel" Attribution: Lucasfilm Ltd.

In one of the longest and fiercest battles of the war, Separatist forces are on the verge of claiming the planet Malastare.

This work is copyrighted. The individual who uploaded this work asserts that this qualifies as fair use of the material under United States copyright law.

Thanks for the review!—TK-999 Era-imp(Rise of the Empire) 15:20, May 11, 2011 (UTC)

Moffship
  • Under "Beginning battle," you introduce Skywalker's involvement in the battle rather abruptly, and later give context on him under "Zillo Beast." Please fix this.
  • That's all I could find. Good work. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 15:07, May 14, 2011 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • Please use the wiki's appropriate SW Blog citation template for reference 4. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:10, May 18, 2011 (UTC)
  • For formatting presentation purposes, and for the sake of being consistent, the infobox and article should be consistent in their presentation of CC-7567 and CC-0411, in terms of the more superior officer. In the infobox, the article lists 0411 first, while the article itself lists 7567 first. Please be consistent with whichever is the higher rank: "As clone troopers, led by Captain CC-7567 and Commander CC-0411..."
  • Who is "them" referring to here? The only person established to be on the shuttle is Palpatine: "Skywalker, however, managed to cut the ship in two, thus allowing them to escape." Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:50, May 18, 2011 (UTC)
    • Sorry for the late response. I have now addressed your objections: thanks for the review!—TK-999 Era-imp(Rise of the Empire) 19:26, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 18:31, May 20, 2011 (UTC)


  • There is still unused information from the books (Character Encyclopedia, New Battlefronts and the Official Episode Guide 1 & 2), perhaps you can compare with the german article for what information you need. I've the article there already, so look at the references (covers are mostly the same, if you don't know). Nahdar Vebb 21:11, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
  • In my opinion, the battle ends after the bomb is dropped, the Zillo beast incident and its transport to Coruscant belong to the Aftermath section. Nahdar Vebb 21:11, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thank you very much.—TK-999 Era-imp(Rise of the Empire) 10:01, April 10, 2011 (UTC)
    • I'd have to respectfully disagree with Nahdar Vebb's second point here; the fight with the Zillo Beast is still part of the battle. The battle, in my opinion, ends exactly as it is written, with the incapacitation of the Zillo Beast. I'll be sure to give my review of the article shortly.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 18:37, April 10, 2011 (UTC)
      • I'm gonna have to respectfully disagree with Axinal and agree with Mr. Vebb. The battle was between the Republic and the Confederacy. The fallout from the bomb and the discovery of the Zillo beast would be part of the aftermath, as the Republic had already won the conflict when their search and rescue missions began. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 20:56, April 10, 2011 (UTC)
        • I agree that the battle between the Republic and the Separatists ends with the detonation of the bomb; but putting the Zillo Beast portion in the aftermath implies that it's a separate event, and thus worthy of its own article, which I'm not so sure it is. However, I certainly don't think I'd vote against the article based solely on the placement of that section.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 21:48, April 10, 2011 (UTC)
        • I'll further this point with the opening narrative from "The Zillo Beast Strikes Back": "[...]Chancellor Palpatine orders Jedi Knights Mace Windu and Anakin Skywalker to transport a fearsome Zillo beast captured during the battle back to Coruscant." Note the phrase during the battle, which, in my mind, is canonical proof that the fight with the Zillo Beast was part of the battle.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 23:21, April 10, 2011 (UTC)
          • My thinking has always been that the Zillo Beast incident was an event that encompassed it's discovery on Malastare and subsequent rampage on Coruscant. And to be honest, I never have put a whole lot of faith in the narratives. They seem to exist more for the purposes of simplifying stories than actually providing useful information. But this isn't an issue I'm too concerned with. I would defer to CC for an opinion. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 23:59, April 10, 2011 (UTC)
            • Interesting idea concerning the incident. In my opinion, the discovery of the ZB is both an aftermath of the Malastare battle and a prelude to the rampage on Coruscant. Now my arguments: The TCWCE (page 58) states that Urus is worried about the damage done to his planet by the fighting and he takes advantage of that when capturing the beast. Then, according to the bonus report on StarWars.com, the bomb shall turn the tide of the battle, so if the bomb detonated, the battle is over (In the aftermath of the bomb [...] in the episode guide). You may say that the Dugs celebrate their victory after the Zillo Beast falls asleep, but I wouldn't like to win a battle if there's such a creature behind me. Nahdar Vebb 11:16, April 11, 2011 (UTC)
              • Let me intervene: if the tide of the battle turns, then it doesn't mean it's over; it only means that the odds have swung to one's favor.—TK-999 Era-imp(Rise of the Empire) 13:54, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
                • Again, I agree with TK. A turning point, in most cases, does not end the battle, but merely changes it.—Axinal Convocation Chamber 18:29, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
  • Just to add my two cents here: based on the material (and not on my own personal opinion), the battle does in fact end after the Zillo Beast is captured. The first piece of evidence is the quote from the Newsreel that Axinal cited above, and the second piece is this bit of dialogue, again from "The Zillo Beast Strikes Back":
"Why would the Chancellor want to bring the beast here? I know that he thinks by studying it, the knowledge could prove beneficial, but…from what you and Anakin reported on Malastare, it hardly seems worth the effort."
"I raised the issue with the Chancellor during the Battle of Malastare…without success."
"Well then, in that case, perhaps it's time we let someone else try."
―Obi-Wan Kenobi and Mace Windu[src]
Since Windu confirms here that the Zillo Beast was introduced during the battle, the battle has to include the part with the beast. I do admit myself that this inclusion may not seem very plausible, but that's what the episode goes with. CC7567 (talk) 06:10, April 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • The new comic strip Dug Out published in Star Wars: The Clone Wars Comic UK 6.19 features the Separatists returning to Malastare to try to find more Zillo Beasts and convert them for use as war beasts. I think that's relevant info for the "aftermath" section. If you have access to the comic, please handle the update. If not, I'm willing to help you out, and I'll try to do it myself soon. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 20:26, April 29, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thank you for your helpfulness. Unfortunately, it is unlikely that they will be published here anytime soon, so I guess I will need your help. Thanks again.—TK-999 Era-imp(Rise of the Empire) 20:28, April 29, 2011 (UTC)

To all users who will object because of the lack of LEGO Star Wars III: The Clone Wars: Prima Official Game Guide info: neither the game nor the book is available (yet) for me due to my geographical location.—TK-999 Era-imp(Rise of the Empire) 14:39, April 30, 2011 (UTC)

  • I've updated the article with both the Dug Out and LEGO Star Wars info. That leaves a redlink, but I'll get to it eventually as well. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 17:31, April 30, 2011 (UTC)