Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Ansibella Dellu

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Ansibella Dellu

  • Nominated by: LordMominutiae (talk) 20:04, October 2, 2020 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Wound up a little longer than I'd thought!

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

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Support

  1. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 14:31, October 17, 2020 (UTC)
  2. Nice work! - - -OOM 224 ༼༽{talk}༼༽ 16:36, October 17, 2020 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 04:17, 20 December 2020 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Ayrehead02 (talk) 13:12, 20 December 2020 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Nice work. Imperators II(Talk) 18:47, 20 December 2020 (UTC)

Object

OOM
  • Per a relatively new policy, individual words within proper compound nouns should not be linked. For example, "Clone Wars" shouldn't have a Clone trooper pipelink, and "Galactic Republic" shouldn't be pipelinked either.
  • "Former" should replace "fallen" in "fallen Jedi Master," which otherwise should not be pipelinked to Lost Twenty since the term only means a Jedi was officially recognised for leaving the Order for philosophical reasons, and not necessarily falling to the dark side.
  • The second sentence of the first paragraph is too long and should be split up.
  • There's no need to mention the Battle of Geonosis in ref 2.
  • "Worsened" violates NPOV. "As the Separatist Crisis worsened…"
    • Would "heightened" work, or should I use a different descriptor/reword it? LordMominutiae (talk) 21:08, October 2, 2020 (UTC)
      • "Heightened" would work if "tension" is mentioned.
  • "Though" should be replaced by the more formal "although." - - -CIS roundel OOM 224 ༼༽{talk}༼༽ 20:39, October 2, 2020 (UTC)
  • The 22 BBY mention should go in the second paragraph.
  • The date in the first paragraph could be narrowed down from simply "prior to 22 BBY" by taking the date Dooku left the Jedi Order. Also, if the CIS or the Separatist Crisis is said to be in existence at the time of the poster's making, then you could also date it to the Raxus Address of 24 BBY.
    • Hopefully that makes sense. There's no mention of the CIS being in existence when the poster was made, nor is there any indication that the poster was made or Dooku spoke at Reena University during the Separatist Crisis. LordMominutiae (talk) 14:24, October 3, 2020 (UTC)
  • "although the former senator's work-in-progress poster, Count Dooku: Words of Truth […]" I don't understand. The poster was still WIP during Imperial reign? And how does this work with the poster article, which says "However, rare specimens of Dellu's work-in-progress poster survived those purges." - - -CIS roundel OOM 224 ༼༽{talk}༼༽ 07:33, October 3, 2020 (UTC)
    • Here's the passage from the book: "This rare specimen of a work-in-progress poster by Ansibella Dellu during her university years survived the loyalty purges enacted by the Imperial Security Bureau following the conclusion of the Clone Wars." I'm not sure if the poster was ever actually finished and the WIP version was what managed to survive, or if Dellu never actually completed the poster so it never progressed further than this, or what. LordMominutiae (talk) 14:24, October 3, 2020 (UTC)
      • I see. Then please reword the final paragraph to make it clear that a WIP Words of Truth poster was included in the propaganda history book, and that it was a "rare specimen." - - -OOM 224 ༼༽{talk}༼༽ 14:49, October 3, 2020 (UTC)
  • Looking great! I did a copy-edit of the page for conciseness and accuracy. You might want to look over it. - - -OOM 224 ༼༽{talk}༼༽ 17:56, October 3, 2020 (UTC)
UberSoldat
  • Article in inconsistent when it comes to naming Raxus, please make this consistent.
    • Made the article body consistent. Is it all right for just the infobox to use the planet's full name, "Raxus Secundus," or does that need to be consistent as well?
      • Should be fine if its changed. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 15:09, October 10, 2020 (UTC)
        • Changed the infobox to just "Raxus," as that's what the book itself uses. LordMominutiae (talk) 15:31, October 10, 2020 (UTC)
  • We have a citation template for Edelweiss+ links, which should be used for Ref 5.
    • Thanks, was unaware. Fixed.
  • A more descriptive caption for the image would be better than just the poster's name.
    • Is that better, or should I instead mention the actual event Dellu made the poster for?
  • Grammatical error in Ref 2: "Hence the poster must have occurred between the years...."
    • Whoops, fixed.
  • Can you explain what a "shadowfeed" is in the article?
    • Added context.
  • Last sentence of the Biography should probably be split into two to avoid being a run-on sentence.
    • Does that look all right?
  • The publishing timeframe should be specified in the article rather than a ref note. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 14:19, October 10, 2020 (UTC)
  • Context for A History of Persuasive Art in the Galaxy. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 15:09, October 10, 2020 (UTC)
    • Added. Reorganized that sentence as well in an effort to improve the flow after adding the context, so hopefully that looks all right. LordMominutiae (talk) 15:31, October 10, 2020 (UTC)
  • Reena University should be added to Affiliations if she was an official of the university.
    • Added.
  • You should introduce Dellu as an official in the first sentence of the intro rather than awkwardly mention it after Dooku's speech.
    • Done.
  • Another inconsistency: " Separatist Senate" and "Separatist Parliament." UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 11:17, October 17, 2020 (UTC)
    • Changed all instances to "Separatist Parliament," as that's what the book itself uses.
  • Context for Separatist Crisis. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 11:17, October 17, 2020 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • What is the purpose of not referring to Raxus by its full name? Why not just call it Raxus Secundus?
    • I had used just "Raxus" simply to be consistent with the book, as that's how it refers to the planet, although I can certainly used the full name instead.
  • This isn't exactly an ironclad statement: "Star Wars: Galactic Atlas dates the Hosnian Cataclysm to 34 ABY. As Star Wars Propaganda: A History of Persuasive Art in the Galaxy indicates that the in-universe book A History of Persuasive Art in the Galaxy was published shortly after the Hosnian Cataclysm, its release must have occurred in 34 ABY as well." Saying "shortly after" could just as easily mean 35 ABY, for all we know. It's probably best to revise this to say "Circa 34 ABY" instead. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 02:59, 20 December 2020 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 18:48, 20 December 2020 (UTC)