- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Zevulon Veers
- Nominated by: Xicer9
(Combadge) 08:30, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: My first DE nom in a while.
(4 Inqs/3 Users/7 Total)
Support
- Cheers to Veers! Menkooroo 14:08, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
Ears and heres, it's in the tears! Chack Jadson (Talk) 20:46, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
Nice work. Jonjedigrandmaster (We seed the stars) 18:27, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
- Imperialles 01:19, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
—Tommy 9281 12:21, May 21, 2010 (UTC)
Now write up Fake Zev! :p Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 00:02, May 22, 2010 (UTC)
- Thefourdotelipsis 10:14, May 22, 2010 (UTC)
Object
- http://objection.ytmnd.com
Second paragraph of bio: "grew" and "growing" used close together. A minor quibble, but can you change it up?- Changed.
The finest schools... in the galaxy? In the Empire? Finest by who's standards? I'm guessing the DE Sourcebook probably doesn't elaborate on that statement, but can you take a stab at clarifying it?- It's not outright stated, but I suppose the implication is that they're the finest schools in the Empire. Clarified.
"Veers was able to make it through his adolescence relatively smoothly." Can you clarify what this means? It seems like it's about his COMPNOR training, but I'm not completely sure.- Clarified.
Is the librarian the rebel squad leader's father? The wording is a bit ambiguous. Some readers may think that Laibach is her father.- Clarified.
You mention that Palpatine was resurrected without having mentioned he died --- since you mention the Battle of Endor previously, maybe throw in a quick mention of his death? I'm cool either way on this one and won't push it if you disagree.- Added.
"During this battle, Veers found himself in direct conflict with his father." Do you know if Zev was aware of that fact? The earlier assertion that he never saw or heard from his father again kind of suggests that he wasn't. If not, I'd suggest changing "found himself" to "was".- The NEGC is incredibly vague on this, but I see what you mean. Changed.
Does DE II refer to them as "commandoes (with an e)"? If not, commandos (without the e) seems to be the accepted spelling in SW (see Lando's Commandos, Katarn Commandos).- Good catch, there should not be an "e."
The bts image is really big. Kinda awkwardly so. Then again, this may just be the resolution on my computer at work.- Hm, it looks fine to me. I'll shrink it down by 50px anyway.
- Wow, those are really nitpicky objections. Sorry. Great job and I love the DE noms. Menkooroo 05:44, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
- A few things:
Intro: "began questioning the Empire's motives"; "increasingly grew distrustful of the Empire" aren't these the same thing? Any way of rewording the sentences to make them appear less repetitive?- They do seem to be saying the same thing. I've combined the two sentences to make it less repetitive.
P&T: "alien slaves" Alien strikes me as a little Human-centric. Would "non-Human slaves" be an acceptable rewording?- Yes, that's fine. I've changed all instances of "alien" to "non-Human."
- Very clean otherwise. Nice work. --Imperialles 00:58, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
No links to the librarian and his daughter? This is the only form of revenge I can manage. Thefourdotelipsis 02:01, May 22, 2010 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 13:06, May 22, 2010 (UTC)
- Does Dark Empire call the planet simply "Calamari"? Menkooroo 05:44, April 27, 2010 (UTC)