Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Unidentified First Order stormtrooper sergeant

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Unidentified First Order stormtrooper sergeant

  • Nominated by: Liverpool92Ackbar HS 15:06, 1 September 2021 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: First FAN.
  • Date Archived: 20:24, 14 March 2023 (UTC)
  • Final word count: 1758 words (253 introduction, 1448 body, 57 behind the scenes)
  • Word count at nomination time: 1757 words (253 introduction, 1447 body, 57 behind the scenes)
  • WookieeProject (optional): WP:GE

(3 Inqs/5 Users/8 Total)

(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)

Support

  1. YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 15:09, 31 October 2021 (UTC)
  2. Nice work VergenceScatter (talk) 05:35, 5 January 2022 (UTC)
  3. D MCCG D MCCG (chat) 06:21, 7 January 2023 (UTC)
    Samonic Thrawns Chimaera (Talk) 14:13, 15 March 2022 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Nice work indeed. JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 18:22, 16 February 2023 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Nice work! Supreme Emperor Holocomm 07:51, 26 February 2023 (UTC)
  6. Watch out for duplicate links in the future. Samonic Signatureicon (Talk) 19:15, 5 March 2023 (UTC)
  7. Minnabird Naboo (talk) 22:03, 5 March 2023 (UTC)
  8. Inqvote —spookywillowwtalk 20:20, 14 March 2023 (UTC)

Object

Vergence
  • Any way you can add a "Skills and abilities" section? VergenceScatter (talk) 16:15, 8 September 2021 (UTC)
    • Done. Added as much as i could which wasn't much.--Liverpool92Ackbar HS 10:45, 11 September 2021 (UTC)
  • Does the comic identify Ki-Adi Mundi as a Cerean? (Or at least picture him?) VergenceScatter (talk) 17:02, 4 January 2022 (UTC)
    • Yes it shows him in a flashback.--Liverpool92Ackbar HS 02:33, 5 January 2022 (UTC)
  • Is there any available context for Sword of Khashyun? VergenceScatter (talk) 17:19, 4 January 2022 (UTC)
Yakov, Sergeant Tzvi
  • The second intro paragraph has confusing sentence structure. I had trouble parsing the grammar of its second-last sentence.
  • You should clarify that "Red Fury" and "709th Legion" are the same.
  • Who is Io? -- YakovChaimTzvi (he/him/his) ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol (talk) 04:59, 30 October 2021 (UTC)
CC-8
  • Quote sourcing needs to be updated
  • The bio should start with a sentence that more directly introduces this character, similar to a first sentence in the intro. The context for the First Order could also go here, since its in the intro and not the bio
  • There's a few places where the writing is more like narrative prose than an encyclopedic entry, stuff like "First Order assault shuttle roared above the outpost" and "revealing his scared face and his prosthetic left eye."
  • Having not read the comic, it seems like there's stuff about the sergeants views on history that could be described in the P&T
  • The second and fourth sections of the bio need some brief context to establish the sergeant getting to the locations
  • Equipment section goes below skills and abilities
  • Mediacat needs to be linked
  • Since the StarWars.com article came out before the comic, it needs to have {{1stp}} next to it and get described in the Bts Commander Code-8 Hello There! 10:15, 17 April 2022 (UTC)
    • Fixed. The fifth objection was a little difficult because it never shows him entering the store.--Liverpool92Ackbar HS 02:29, 29 April 2022 (UTC)
  • The part about the sergeant revealing his scar and prosthetic eye can be removed, and the fact that he acquired those injuries at some point can be mentioned in the first section Commander Code-8 Hello There! 10:14, 1 May 2022 (UTC)
Sergeant Samonic
  • "A human male sergeant served the autocratic military junta, the First Order, as a stormtrooper and military officer of the 709th Legion, also known as the "Red Fury." — Could you change that to "A human male sergeant served the autocratic military junta of the First Order. He served as a stormtrooper and military officer of the junta's 709th Legion, also known as the "Red Fury.""
  • "He had a long scar around his left eye, with a blue prosthetic in place of where his eye should be." This is like a very small P+T(Personality and traits) section, which is unnecessary as you have a P+T section below; and in any case, it should be at the end of the intro.
  • Could you merge some of the intro's paragraphs? Same thing for the body's "Paying Dok-Ondar a visit." — Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 15:27, 29 April 2022 (UTC)
  • "During the conflict with the private military force, the Resistance, the sergeant—whose legion deployed to the planet Batuu at Black Spire Outpost to punish any Resistance activity." — Could you change how you introduce the Resistance to how you introduce the First Order for consistancy? — also, "[…] the sergeant—whose legion…" makes it seem like the legion was a part of the Resistance.
    • Fixed.
  • Context for Lieutenant Agnon, Kendoh Gang, Dok Ondar (should be supplied when first mentioned)
    • Context already there for Kendoh Gang and Ondar.
      • A "notorious gang"? I only understand it is a gang with that, which I already knew thanks to its name; please supply further context.
        • Please add context for Agnon. Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 09:24, 12 June 2022 (UTC)
  • Can you get a quote for "Skills and abilities/Equipment"? — Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 09:41, 9 May 2022 (UTC)
    • There is no quote from him or someone else that describes any skills or abilities.--Liverpool92Ackbar HS 02:13, 12 May 2022 (UTC)
      • And Equipment?
        • Same deal.
  • Article is missing some links, please go through the article and add links where necessary; you have a duplicate link.— Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 17:44, 12 May 2022 (UTC)
    • This is still an issue.— Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 21:10, 26 May 2022 (UTC)
      • Links should be supplied at the first mention of a subject. Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 09:24, 12 June 2022 (UTC)
        • I went through and I think thats all.--Liverpool92Ackbar HS 13:41, 16 June 2022 (UTC)
  • Missing context throughout.— Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 17:46, 12 May 2022 (UTC)
    • Got it.--Liverpool92Ackbar HS 19:52, 26 May 2022 (UTC)
      • Context should be supplied at the first mention and this is still an issue (Example: Basic). — Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 21:10, 26 May 2022 (UTC)
        • Fixed.
          • No, it has not been fixed. Please read the entire article. Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 09:24, 12 June 2022 (UTC)
            • I read the entire article and found a few things but nothing else.--Liverpool92Ackbar HS 13:41, 16 June 2022 (UTC)
  • Can this link to Batuu system? "Above Batuu" — Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 20:59, 26 May 2022 (UTC)
    • Done.
  • " In 34 ABY,[3] at Black Spire Outpost[2] on the Outer Rim[4] planet Batuu,[2] a First Order assault shuttle flying above the outpost" Is this sentence missing something? — Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 21:10, 26 May 2022 (UTC)
    • Fixed.
  • Can you merge the first two subsections? — Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 21:10, 26 May 2022 (UTC)
    • I disagree because merging them will create one subsection way bigger than the rest. Plus I think separating it by comic issue is better for organization.
  • Who's Remex Io affiliated with? — Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 21:10, 26 May 2022 (UTC)
  • "The sergeant had never paid much attention to history, as he was more concerned with the future" and "comment at the sergeant which caused him smack Voss with the end of his blaster, making her bleed.[7]" Missing something?
  • What's the story? "Ondar understood that the sergeant had no appreciation for the past but told him the story of how he came into possession of Mundi's lightsaber.[1]" Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 09:24, 12 June 2022 (UTC)
    • I don't know about this because the story is about Greedo stealing it and then Ondar saving him by buying it from Jabba. I don't think it would fit in the article because its kinda far off from the sergeant.--Liverpool92Ackbar HS 13:41, 16 June 2022 (UTC)
  • Double dashes (--) should be replaced with mdashes (—) in quotes.
  • "A human male served as a stormtrooper sergeant and military officer in the First Order." — I'd remove the mention of "military officer" and instead say "served as a stormtrooper sergeant in the First Order's military." Samonic Signatureicon (Talk) 19:01, 14 December 2022 (UTC)
Erebus
  • The intro feels a bit too large in my opinion. Are you able to cut down some bits of extra information from the four paragraphs?
    • Fixed.
  • Is there a reason why you're linking to First Order High Command? They're simply the leaders of the First Order military, not the military itself.
    • Because one of the reviewers did a copy edit and added that so I went with it.
  • Context for Moraband. Erebus Chronus (Talk) 23:14, 4 May 2022 (UTC)
SE
  • "noting that nothing there required their presence." Just to clarify, in the intro this is referring to the location he was called to to provide support, correct? Supreme Emperor Holocomm 02:02, 28 June 2022 (UTC)
    • Correct.
  • Does he land on the planet after calling them Batuuan rats, or does he land on the outpost at a later time?
    • We don't know because next we see him is in Dok Ondar's shop.
  • "The stormtrooper sergeant held the lightsaber used by the late Cerean Jedi Master, Ki-Adi-Mundi." Does he pick up the saber in Dok's, or did he already have it?
    • Already has it.
  • "asking if he was the Jedi with the pointed head." Who is he asking?
    • Ondar. Fixed
  • "that Ondar said that he did not have to threaten him because the Ithorian was just a humble store owner with only respect for the First Order." Small, but it's a bit unclear whether Ondar is saying the sergeant doesn't have to threaten him, or the other way around. Supreme Emperor Holocomm 05:48, 29 June 2022 (UTC)
    • Cleared it up.
  • "He realized that this incursion was useless as the operatives were not members of the Resistance." Who were they with? Supreme Emperor Holocomm 22:44, 29 June 2022 (UTC)
    • The comic does not specify after that.--Liverpool92Ackbar HS 13:42, 12 July 2022 (UTC)
  • The body states the stormtrooper struck Voss with a baton, but the image caption says it was with the butt of his blaster. Which was it? Supreme Emperor Holocomm 06:20, 7 January 2023 (UTC)
    • I can't seem to find it. I stated in the body, "This caused him smack Voss with the end of his blaster, making her bleed from her mouth." RS-2112 was the one who used the baton but he hit Wooro instead.--Liverpool92Ackbar HS 00:05, 9 January 2023 (UTC)
  • Do we know why Ondar told him the story about how he acquired the lightsaber? Was he asked, or did he just go into it? Supreme Emperor Holocomm 06:27, 7 January 2023 (UTC)
    • He kinda just went right into it.--Liverpool92Ackbar HS 00:05, 9 January 2023 (UTC)
  • Any details on how he took the two operatives out? Supreme Emperor Holocomm 06:37, 7 January 2023 (UTC)
    • Specified they were shot.--Liverpool92Ackbar HS 00:05, 9 January 2023 (UTC)
  • In the intro, prior to this sentence you refer to just the sergeant going to Dok's, followed by a mention of "them" "Unbeknownst to them, they were being watched via a cam droid by the criminal trio known as the Kendoh Gang. " Can you clarify who they are? Supreme Emperor Holocomm 08:07, 7 February 2023 (UTC)
OOM
  • Preliminaries
    • No need to specify that the left eye is prosthetic in the eye colour field; it's redundant to what's in the cybernetics field.
      • Fixed
    • "autocratic military junta" is intro-exclusive. It's also unnecessary context.
      • Fixed
    • The intro is long enough already for an article this size, so I'd remove the mention of the physcial traits at the end.
      • Shortened
    • "but as well as" is ungrammatical.
      • Fixed
    • No need to repeat things like species and gender between the Biography and the P&T sections. Specifying them once in either one of those sections is enough. OOM 224 16:31, 21 August 2022 (UTC)
      • Fixed
    • Watch out for consecutive references. Please double-check to confirm that the references are supporting the correct words and remove the consecutive references. OOM 224 16:33, 21 August 2022 (UTC)
Macaroni
  • The date note never mentions the year in question.
  • "The stormtrooper sergeant held the lightsaber used by the late Cerean Jedi Master, Ki-Adi-Mundi." -- this sentence kind of comes out of nowhere, can you reword it a bit so that it works better with the rest of the paragraph?
  • The final bio section can fit another image.
  • Review note: the way you pipelinked Aliens of the Galaxy was unnecessary, since it's just the title of the book the whole thing gets italicized. JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 20:04, 26 December 2022 (UTC)
    • Fixed. Sorry I saw it so late.--Liverpool92Ackbar HS 23:59, 8 January 2023 (UTC)
  • Regarding the date note, I'd suggest rewording it so that it establishes a specific issue of the series in which the battle and the sergeant appear and then explain how that corresponds to 34 ABY.
  • Ondar's story about Moraband comes out of nowhere, can you tweak that part a bit?
  • Does the comic really support him having "great skill" on the bike? Also, anyone can knock someone in the mouth with a blaster, that's not a particular skill of his. JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 23:43, 27 January 2023 (UTC)
  • Should be the last thing: I'm not so sure about the phrase "relative ease" since there's not anything to which it's relevant, so can you reword that sentence? JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 06:03, 3 February 2023 (UTC)
Minna
  • The intro should bring up Voss' full name at some point; maybe by saying "the Kendoh Gang, led by Kendoh Voss" instead of just "the Kendoh Gang"? Because in the last paragraph of the intro it just brings up "Voss" as if the reader has already been introduced to him and I wasn't sure until reading a later part whether he was associated with the Kendoh Gang. Minnabird Naboo (talk) 01:02, 1 February 2023 (UTC)<
    • I think another editor added it because it says it in the first intro paragraph but I don't remember adding it.--Liverpool92Ackbar HS 23:10, 14 February 2023 (UTC)
  • "As the sergeant continued lecturing Ondar about the future, a recording video droid, secretly placed there by the Clawdite Remex Io of the Kendoh Gang was being monitored and watched by Io and his fellow partners in crime, the Aqualish Wooro and the leader, Kendoh Voss, from their starship." There is a lot of information, and also passive voice, in this sentence. I would consider breaking it up and making Remex, Wooro, and Voss more active subjects of those sentences. This is not an objection as such, just a suggestion for how to make this read more smoothly. Minnabird Naboo (talk) 01:02, 1 February 2023 (UTC)
  • Please review a few revisions I made and make sure you're comfortable with them.Minnabird Naboo (talk) 01:02, 1 February 2023 (UTC)
    • Looks good, thanks.--Liverpool92Ackbar HS 23:10, 14 February 2023 (UTC)
spookly
  • If you would be able to sort the pronouns update for the article, would be lovely. Related resources if you've not done one before: 1, 2, 3.—spookywillowwtalk 19:41, 25 February 2023 (UTC)
    • I've made the pronouns update since this has been unaddressed for a while. Ayrehead02 (talk) 17:32, 13 March 2023 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 20:20, 14 March 2023 (UTC)