Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Sair Yonka

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Sair Yonka

(5 Inqs/3 Users/8 Total)

Support

1. -- AdmirableAckbar ^(Talk) 20:29, 26 January 2008 (UTC)
2. Goodwood ^{(Alliance Intelligence)} 01:02, 28 January 2008 (UTC)
3. Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 21:51, 29 January 2008 (UTC)
4. Chack Jadson ^(Talk) 13:58, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
5. Yonka. Graestan^(Talk) 23:20, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
6. Yonk. Yonk. Yonk ko kyenga see. Havac 22:49, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
7. Even though he is traitorous Rebel scum. -- Darth Culator ^(Talk) 04:02, 14 February 2008 (UTC)
8. Jaina Solo^(Talk) 17:06, 16 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

1. From the Forest of Goodwood:
   • "Here, he served on vessels tasked with fend off pirates and defended convoys, on worlds like Elshandruu Pica." Could you reword this statement, perhaps to say that he defended convoys from pirate attacks?
     • Done.
   • "Kina Margath was a Rebel spy" should be clarified, perhaps calling her a New Republic Intelligence agent (with appropriate links)?
     • I've refrained from directly calling her a New Republic Intelligence agent, as she wasn't one at that point, but I've clarified it some.
       • Fair enough.
   • Is there evidence that Yonka's protocol droid, Poe, is the same one that liaised with Rogue Squadron on Eiattu?
     • Not per se, but Wedge Antilles mentions that Poe once served Rogue Squadron.
     • I've read The Bacta War a number of times and only ever recall the one mention of Poe, by Yonka imself in the quote you input about his wardrobe. Oh well, not really an issue anyway.
   • The caption for the lead quote in the Under Isard's Rule section should be reworded; it was a direct message to Isard and should be attributed as such.
     • Done.
   • Ditto for the Personality and Traits section.
     • No can do on this one, I'm afraid; it appears as an italicized thought, directed to no one in particular.
       • Fair enough.
   • "in the bloodbath that followed the debacle on Endor" could be reworded to substitute a more appropriate word than "bloodbath".
     • Done.
   • Could the lead quote in the New Republic Service be formatted as dialogue? It is rather long.
     • Done.
   • Other than that, the article looks good.--Goodwood ^{(Alliance Intelligence)} 23:07, 27 January 2008 (UTC)
     • Thank you for your input. -- AdmirableAckbar ^(Talk) 23:44, 27 January 2008 (UTC)
       • You're welcome. :-)--Goodwood ^{(Alliance Intelligence)} 01:02, 28 January 2008 (UTC)
2. From the desk of Atarumaster88
   • "Backed by Yonka's Avarice, allong with Ait Convarion's Corrupter and Joak Drysso's Virulence Ysanne Isard had completely monopolized the production of bacta within the galaxy, putting her in an extremely lucrative position" Fix your italics.
   • " However, the Lusankya was preoccupied fighting Antilles's forces; Yonka's ship began to float aimlessly through space." I don't like this sentence. It doesn't float well.
   • "splitting its helm in two". Now this just doesn't make sense. Did it split the hull in two?
   • " out of the nightmare situation. " weasel words
   • Is it really necessary to have Aellyn Jandi in the intro? At least tone it down some- she's not that important to the character IMHO.
     • I've toned it down a bit, though I don't think its out of place for a reasonably short intro on a character with limited info. I'll trim it further/remove it altogether if you wish, but I think it is fine as is. -- AdmirableAckbar ^(Talk) 21:40, 29 January 2008 (UTC)
       • Acceptable. Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 21:51, 29 January 2008 (UTC)
   • "He was steadfastly opposed to the harming of innocents who had nothing to do with the Rebellion, and Isard's use of the virus scared Yonka." This should either be in the P&T, or removed.
   • Destruction of Halanit should be linked.
   • Link to Thrawn's attack on Coruscant.
   • Link to Battle of Sluis Van
   • Link to Battle of Bilbringi
   • Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 21:16, 29 January 2008 (UTC)
     • All addressed. -- AdmirableAckbar ^(Talk) 21:40, 29 January 2008 (UTC)
3. From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
   • "Yonka entered the Imperial Naval Academy at a young age, leaving his lover Aellyn Jandi behind on his homeworld, and proved to be a competent and intelligent officer." This does not flow. Please move the stuff about Jandi, or the "skilled officer" part, elsewhere.
   • "He was soon awarded the captaincy of an Imperial II-class Star Destroyer, the Avarice; although he did infrequently perform missions closer to Imperial Center, the majority of his time was spent in the outermost regions of the galaxy." This just sounds strange to me. Split it into two sentences.
   • In the second paragraph, please remove illicit, as it sounds repetitive.
   • Little later: "a place to meet and romance together" I recommend you remove "romance".
   • De-link Virulence in "Battle of Thyferra".
   • Interesting. Chack Jadson ^(Talk) 23:07, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
     • All sorted. -- AdmirableAckbar ^(Talk) 23:13, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
4. From the squalid cubicle of Graestan:
   • The comma is once more overused. Only use punctuation where it is necessary or provides needed clarification.
     • How is it now?
   • "Warlord Zsinj" should always be capitalized.
   • Reword "supplies of multitudes of."
   • Warlords such as Zsinj"…"warlord such as Zsinj"—Yeah.
   • "Leaveing"…UGH.
   • Use of full name excessive.
   • When speaking of the Ciutric Hegemony, the word "attack" is used too frequently.
   • "Yonka had his ship travel directly between the Dreadnaught and another Star Destroyer, the Direption, Yonka's starboard gunners dealt tremendous damage to the Star Destroyer, while the Freedom's port side fired upon the smaller Dreadnaught."—Run-on.
   • Graestan^(Talk) 02:49, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
     • All sorted, I think. -- AdmirableAckbar ^(Talk) 14:29, 3 February 2008 (UTC)