Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Roon

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Roon

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

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Support

  1. Inqvote Imperators II(Talk) 09:58, 21 November 2022 (UTC)
  2. Roon! —spookywillowwtalk 17:31, 1 February 2023 (UTC)
  3. I thought I already supported that, oops AxMech (talk) 22:27, 1 February 2023 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 05:05, 5 February 2023 (UTC)
  5. Great work! LucaRoR Sigil of House Serenno (Talk) 17:11, 15 February 2023 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote super OOM 224 (he/him) 10:00, 16 February 2023 (UTC)
  7. Samonic Signatureicon (he/him) 10:56, 16 February 2023 (UTC)

Object

AxMech
  • "Additionally, Roon was also linked to the planet Ryloth by the hyperlane known as the Cloak of the Sith, and the Death Wind Corridor, a spice trade route, also passed through the celestial body." This whole section reads poorly and I'd suggest some breaks. For example: "Additionally, Roon was linked to the planet Ryloth by the hyperlane known as the Cloak of the Sith. The Death Wind Corridor, a spice..." "Also" is redundant when next to "additionally".
    • Reads fine to me, but if others get confused by it then fairs. How does it look now?
      • Second paragraph is fine, but the ending to the first uses "also" too much imo. I'd suggest replacing some of these with "as well as" or simply changing to a full stop
  • "Roon and the planets Tatooine and Ryloth formed the three corners of": why add a source for the "the" and the fact that Tatooine and Ryloth are planets instead of a singular source at the end of the phrase?
    • The cut-off at "the" (or in the current case "and") is because the next part, the fact that Tatooine and Ryloth are planets, cannot be sourced to Smuggler's Guide. So I've had to source that separately. Hope that makes sense.
  • Also, I'd suggest you merge the description of Roon's relation to Tatooine and Ryloth with the previous paragraph, since they both deal with trade routes and hyperlanes, and leaving the planet's description by itself.
    • I'd considered this before, but I don't like that the first paragraph becomes a bit oversized and dominates the second one. Looks ugly imo.
  • "The Clone Wars ended in 19 BBY with the fall of the Separatists" lots of arguments against this, maybe simplify things by saying "with the rise of the Empire"AxMech (talk) 22:19, 6 December 2022 (UTC)
    • Changed it to "Separatist Alliance" since we know for a fact that the while holdouts remained, the organisation as a whole collapsed. I would like to keep the wording as it is since in the sub-section beforehand mentions a bit about the Separatists and so I wanted to bring a detail to cover that in the background the Separatists are no longer in play. The sentence goes on to mention the Empire succeeding the Republic anyways. Braha'tok enthusiast Hello there 22:53, 6 December 2022 (UTC)
Thrawn
  • You should specify in the intro that it was part of the Roon system. -ThrawnChiss7 (talk) 20:16, 15 December 2022 (UTC)
    • Sorry to interject here, but that sort of astrographical detail is not really strictly necessary in the intro sections of astrographical articles. Imperators II(Talk) 20:34, 15 December 2022 (UTC)
Macaroni

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 11:01, 16 February 2023 (UTC)