Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Padawan Massacre

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Padawan Massacre

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. In memory of the Taris Four Trip391 (talk) 05:50, August 2, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 02:26, October 4, 2013 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 03:06, October 31, 2013 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 09:40, November 8, 2013 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 05:11, November 9, 2013 (UTC)
  6. Protectorate (talk) 22:52, November 26, 2013 (UTC)
  7. This article had a couple of careless grammar errors that could have been avoided, kind of surprising that it was missed by 3 Inqs. Otherwise, good work. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 17:17, November 29, 2013 (UTC)

Object

Quick question from the Council Chambers:
  • Is this ever referred to in a canonical source as "Padawan Massacre of Taris"? Issue 11 of KotOR only named it as "Padawan Massacre", and in my previous failed attempt at doing this article, I was unable to find a source that included the "of Taris" bit. The article has not been moved since June 2006, when JJM mentioned it in his notes five months before the title was canonized.
    • Yeah, you know what, you're completely right. Will move. IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 00:08, August 3, 2013 (UTC)
      • This is nitpicking, I suppose, but would it be appropriate to note in the BTS that we did title it with the "of Taris" bit but that the name was shortened when canonized? If you do, I suppose you could use the move log for an early pagemove to source the "of Taris" name. —MJ— War Room 01:09, August 3, 2013 (UTC)
        • Done. IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 03:31, August 10, 2013 (UTC)
          • Not quite, but I'll strike this anyway and handle the remaining minor issue when I do a full review next week. —MJ— Comlink 05:41, August 10, 2013 (UTC)
  • There is a higher than normal chance that I'll follow this up with a full review later, but certainly not within the next week as I have other distractions for now. —MJ— War Room 04:40, August 2, 2013 (UTC)
The Council demands a full explanation for this outrage
  • Right away, I notice that on an article with 4,500+ words, the intro is crying for a second paragraph. Since you already have prelude details in the intro, I would suggest summarizing some details about the aftermath (Zayne clearing his name, the Masters' deaths, etc.) as well where those are relevant to the massacre.
  • "History" and one of its subsection titles are not LG-compliant.
  • I also can't help but notice that over half the article is spent identifying who the participants are, which seems odd to me. The subject of the article is the massacre, not the individual participants, and so the article should focus on the massacre. The current version of the article gives mini-bios for several people, which aren't relevant here. I think this is a case where we don't need separate sections for each individual. I would suggest combining the five Masters into one two-paragraph section and doing the same with the four dead Padawans. For profile images on the group sections, I would suggest taking the individual images and creating a single montage image. Or cut it down in some other way; I'm not picky.
  • As these objections will significantly alter the article, I'm going to stop here and will resume when these are addressed. —MJ— Training Room 02:34, August 17, 2013 (UTC)
    • All should be addressed. Rearranged the Masters section into one three-paragraph section (didn't think I could squeeze it down to two), while the Padawans section is arranged into one subsection about Zayne (I think he deserves his own) and one on the four dead Padawans. IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 17:11, August 20, 2013 (UTC)
      • Looks good. I will continue either tonight, or failing that, before the end of the week. —MJ— Jedi Council Chambers 18:17, August 20, 2013 (UTC)
        • My continuation has been delayed due to other distractions right now, both here on Wookieepedia (with the notability CTs and TCs) and in real life. I still intend to perform a full review, but I can't tell you when I will get to it. If anyone else is wanting to review this, go for it and don't wait on me. —MJ— War Room 18:20, August 27, 2013 (UTC)
4dot
  • "Both Xamar and the Miraluka Q'Anilia died soon afterward, however, during an insurrection against the Council led by Haazen, a failed Padawan who trained WatchCircle member Lucien Draay." - This is a touch unwieldy.
  • You repeat the stuff about Q'Anilla in Krynda's mini-bio.
  • Using "Draay" as a surname is mightily confusing when you have Krynda and Lucien heavily involved.
  • Perhaps some "Main Article" links for the Participants subsections?
  • Tis all. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 06:19, October 3, 2013 (UTC)
Cadeth
  • Not quite sure why you used {{Main articles}} in the participants section, which I had no idea existed, but I changed it to {{Main}}.
  • Also, you can't source Carrick's homeworld being Phaeda to issue #2. It was first identified in the handbook.
  • Why is the Mission to the Jedi Tower in the |next= field? The Battle of Vanquo is chronologically next, and it's a direct result of the Massacre—Dyre says in issue #8 that the Massacre and the resultant riots are what triggered Mandalore's invasion.
  • On that note, there's almost no discussion of the riots and the Mandalorian attacks that are a direct aftermath of the massacre. A subsection of the Aftermath before "Vindication" might be appropriate.
    • Whoops, missed that.
  • What's your reasoning on not including the Mandalorian Wars in the infobox conflict field?
  • Per the Campaign Guide, Lucien holds the title of Executor on the WatchCircle; it's the position Haazen secures for him, and the position is replicated on the other WatchCircles as a result. I linked to the redlink here, but just thought you should know. Xamar's comment about "the hand" is a metaphor, I think...
  • Would Crossroads be a mention of the Massacre? It's where Q'Anilia senses the "storm" coming that Lucien mentions in issue #5. I'm not sure, so I'll leave it up to you.
  • The sourcing's a bit off in the massacre section. You were sourcing the events entirely to issue #1, but there's a junk in the middle—the Masters' reasoning for striking early—that you have to source to issue #6. I've added in the correct sourcing, but wanted to let you know.
  • Quotation marks should follow punctuation. Please check for this.
  • Perhaps a mention of the fact that Jarael was wearing the red space suit to freak out the Masters when she storms the Tower?
  • I'll continue once these are addressed. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn
    • Resolved via IRC.
  • There could still be a mention of the Massacre's effect on the Mandalorian Wars in the intro.
  • Actually, the Covenant's just been recalled at the end of issue #6, right? They're given separate postings in Homecoming. Please fix this.
  • Looking over the intro, I think that you go too in-depth about the aftermath of the Massacre. The intro doesn't really seem the place for a discussion of each Masters' deaths—a simple mention of where each Master died in order would suffice. You cover the aftermath quite well already in the body of the article.
  • Is the title of Exalted not the same thing as elder of the tribe on Odryn? I seem to remember that the title of Exalted was given to the oldest Feeorin, who was the strongest since their species grew stronger with age.
  • Feln actually destroyed the Sanctum to prevent Carrick and his friends from getting ahold of the artifacts, not the Jedi. He uses the detonator when Borjak warns him about the Moomo Williwaw's approach.
    • IRC resolved. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 03:06, October 31, 2013 (UTC)
  • Other than these, great work. I look forward to more. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 18:20, October 30, 2013 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • I think you should at least leave a redlink for the Besalisk caterer.
  • Paragraph breaks would help break up the walls of text in the last paragraph of "Vindication" and the last paragraph of "The Covenant."
  • The Zayne Carrick image in "The Padawans" could use an image caption similar to Shad Jelavan's there.
  • There's something wrong with this sentence: "Carrick's successful capture of Hierogryph fatefully caused him to be late to his Knighting ceremony[3]after finishing last in his final trial on the rogue moon, Carrick knew he was a long shot to be Knighted."
  • Excellent job overall. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 20:55, November 8, 2013 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 19:34, November 29, 2013 (UTC)