- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Nera Dantels
- Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:09, January 3, 2011 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: Smuggler, Rebel, evidently fond of mustaches.
(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:56, January 12, 2011 (UTC)- 1358 (Talk) 23:44, January 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Nice job. — Fiolli; 23:58, January 15, 2011 (UTC)
CC7567 (talk) 06:16, January 29, 2011 (UTC)- Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 16:00, January 30, 2011 (UTC)
Object
Toprawa
The source literally says "little was known" about her background? "Little was known of the Human female Nera Dantels' early life"- "Much of Nera Dantels' past was shrouded in mystery…" It's one of those things we know we don't know. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:32, January 12, 2011 (UTC)
- In that case, can we tweak the wording to more closely reflect what the source says, rather than bordering on the known/unknown stuff? Just saying "Nera Dantels' background was shrouded in mystery" or something would be fine with me. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:38, January 12, 2011 (UTC)
- Try that. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:40, January 12, 2011 (UTC)
- Perfect. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:56, January 12, 2011 (UTC)
- Try that. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:40, January 12, 2011 (UTC)
- In that case, can we tweak the wording to more closely reflect what the source says, rather than bordering on the known/unknown stuff? Just saying "Nera Dantels' background was shrouded in mystery" or something would be fine with me. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:38, January 12, 2011 (UTC)
- "Much of Nera Dantels' past was shrouded in mystery…" It's one of those things we know we don't know. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:32, January 12, 2011 (UTC)
I find the mention of these mines dropped in a bit roughly. Can we introduce them at all? Just saying something like "the planet's underground mines" or something would do: "As Gillmunn led the surviving Loyalists to the relative safety of the mines"Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:32, January 12, 2011 (UTC)- Done. Used your wording. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:32, January 12, 2011 (UTC)
Ecks Dee
Can some event be linked here? "The group came under attack…"- It's part of the whole mission so I've made and linked an article for that. Green Tentacle (Talk) 23:39, January 15, 2011 (UTC)
Same as above goes for the bio, too.- See above. Green Tentacle (Talk) 23:39, January 15, 2011 (UTC)
Rather nitpicky, but can one of the 'missions' here be changed? "Two months after the Jabiim mission, Dantels joined Dagger Squadron in a mission to…"- Done. Green Tentacle (Talk) 23:39, January 15, 2011 (UTC)
Again, in "Diplomacy on Jabiim", can some battle be linked? "…the Rebels arrived at Jabiim to find Gillmunn's Loyalists under attack by TIE bombers and Imperial stormtroopers. Despite eliminating the attacking Imperials, Dantels…"- I guess, but it doesn't seem worth it. It's not so much a battle as Luke shooting a couple of TIEs down. Green Tentacle (Talk) 23:39, January 15, 2011 (UTC)
This same thing goes for the "Rescue from Bannistar Station" section. Nothing that can be linked in the first sentence?- Added link. Green Tentacle (Talk) 23:39, January 15, 2011 (UTC)
"The Providence-class carrier/destroyer Rebel One failed to rendezvous with the rest of the Fleet…" Why is fleet capitalized here? Looks like it shouldn't be. Same in the next paragraph.- Toprawa changed them to upper case during his copy-edit. Green Tentacle (Talk) 23:39, January 15, 2011 (UTC)
"Dantels volunteered to accompany them in the Starduster. Pollard felt that the Starduster wasn't nimble enough and would jeopardize the mission." Can these two, rather choppy sentences be merged?- Done. Green Tentacle (Talk) 23:39, January 15, 2011 (UTC)
- That's all. Quite good work. 1358 (Talk) 20:17, January 15, 2011 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 16:00, January 30, 2011 (UTC)