Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Ma'kis'shaalas/Legends

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Ma'kis'shaalas

(5 Inq/4 Users/9 Total)

Support

1. They told me to... -- AdmirableAckbar ^(Talk) 20:29, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
2. And rightfully so Harrar 22:09, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
3. Is he part Chiss? Chack Jadson ^(Talk) 21:42, 4 February 2008 (UTC)
4. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:26, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
5. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 00:01, 14 February 2008 (UTC)
6. Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 20:23, 14 February 2008 (UTC)
7. -- Darth Culator ^(Talk) 02:40, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
8. Hobbes^{(Tiger's Lair)} 04:16, 22 February 2008 (UTC)
9. Jaina Solo^(Talk) 19:01, 24 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

1. Toprawa:
   • You could reword this so it doesn't say "the Morgukai" twice..."A fierce and brutal warrior, Ma'kis became a decorated hero among the Morgukai, though after a decade of wearing the traditional armor of the Morgukai"
     • Done.
   • Explain what is going on here. There is no previous mention of Makis holding any leadership position, just holding esteem among his people: "The sight of his former leader..."
     • Addressed.
   • Avoiding using this sentence construction in consecutive sentences: "The Jedi fought with Vader, though Ma'kis'shaalas"
     • Addressed.
   • This is repetitive...a virtually identical clause to the one found in the previous sentence: "proving himself to be a keen and vicious fighter."
     • Reworded.
   • You make mention to the Burning Moon Range twice without really explaining what it is. Elaborate.
     • Done.
   • Elaborate on what he survived from, even though it's obvious. It helps to give the clause substance: "Ma'kis'shaalas had somehow survived"
     • Elaborated.
   • The way you introduce Tsyr as the new leader is kind of rocky. I would recommend creating a new sentence explaining this, and then go on to explain how he was not welcomed: "especially their new leader, Tsyr," Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:41, 7 February 2008 (UTC)
     • How about now? Thanks for the review. -- AdmirableAckbar ^(Talk) 17:03, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
       • Much better. Nice job, Acky. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:26, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
2. From the desk of Atarumaster88
   • Bit of POVishness in the first paragraph of Morgukai, as well as overuse of the word "warrior."
     • Sorted, I think. -- AdmirableAckbar ^(Talk) 23:29, 13 February 2008 (UTC)
   • "Ma'kis was relocated from the Temple almost immediately after the briefing; he was stationed offworld when the order to kill their Jedi Generals came through the Grand Army of the Republic." Clarify this sentence please.
     • Clarified as much as I can. -- AdmirableAckbar ^(Talk) 23:29, 13 February 2008 (UTC)
   • Short, sweet, and to the point. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 ^{(Talk page)} 20:41, 12 February 2008 (UTC)
3. "He did not forget his heritage, though, and tried to make amends with his fellow Nikto after attaining the rank of Jedi Master." Should that be Jedi Knight? Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 21:52, 13 February 2008 (UTC)
   • Fixed. -- AdmirableAckbar ^(Talk) 23:29, 13 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Approved by Inquisitorius 19:30, 24 February 2008 (UTC)