- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Hosk Trey'lis
(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)
Support
Excellent. Thefourdotelipsis 23:48, 1 May 2009 (UTC)- CC7567 (talk) 06:58, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
- Grand Moff Tranner
(Comlink) 14:08, 3 May 2009 (UTC) 
Nicely done --Eyrezer 08:41, 7 May 2009 (UTC)- Green Tentacle (Talk) 23:22, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
- —Tommy9281 (No quarter given, all exits sealed) 01:50, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
Object
Yep.- Context on Jedi.
- Context on the One Sith and Fel Empire.
Context on Galactic Alliance.- For all three of these things context is unneeded. We only provide context for things that reader won't necessarily know. We never have to provide context for Jedi or Sith as they are implied knowledge from movie canon. One Sith is clearly a Sith order so context would just disrupt flow. Fel Empire and Galactic Alliance are both self-contextualizing as governments by their very nature. :-) Grunny (Talk) 02:59, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
- I agree with you on all of that except for One Sith. It should be mentioned somewhere that it's a new organization of Sith revealed during the Sith-Imperial War. Or something. Not necessarily in the intro, but somwhere. Darth Trayus (Trayus Academy) 04:04, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
- I agree with you on all of that except for One Sith. It should be mentioned somewhere that it's a new organization of Sith revealed during the Sith-Imperial War. Or something. Not necessarily in the intro, but somwhere. Darth Trayus
- For all three of these things context is unneeded. We only provide context for things that reader won't necessarily know. We never have to provide context for Jedi or Sith as they are implied knowledge from movie canon. One Sith is clearly a Sith order so context would just disrupt flow. Fel Empire and Galactic Alliance are both self-contextualizing as governments by their very nature. :-) Grunny (Talk) 02:59, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
- That's all I saw. Good work, Grunny. --Darth tom (Imperial Intelligence) 19:03, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
- From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
"After having a vision of the Bothan, Skywalker traveled to Coruscant to rescue Trey'lis only to get captured himself. A week later, having received Sith training, Skywalker attempted another rescue, however, was once again captured." - You need to mention, if only briefly, why Skywalker trained as a Sith.- Mentioned :-).
"For a week after Skywalker's failed rescue attempt, Trey'lis was held in the laboratory while Skywalker was trained as a Sith." - Same as above. He did train willingly, right?- Mentioned.
"...and Skywalker escaping through a hole blasted in the wall by his mother, Nyna Calixte, who had arrived to rescue him." - Some context is needed here; specifically, a mention of the plan to rescue Cade.- Mentioned plan at the start of the section :-).
- Well done, as always. Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 17:26, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
- Attack of the Clone
Coruscant needs context in the intro.- Done.
"In 137 ABY, Trey'lis was waiting in Brogar's cantina on the planet Lok, where he arranged to have transport offworld. While Trey'lis was waiting for his transport": can one "waiting" be changed? Also, it's confusing as to the chronology of events; perhaps mention that Trey'lis arranged for his transport, and then say that he waited for it.- Addressed.
"To ensure they captured the Jedi" sounds like they were about to do something as a precaution or as sabotage, but an action as simply shooting the Jedi doesn't seem to be so; please reword.- Reworded.
"wasn't stopped" is rather awkward and implies that it was a person rather than an attack; please reword.- Reworded.
Why was Calixte acting under her alter ego?- Added.
"Like most Jedi, Trey'lis was trained in the use of a lightsaber, and used it before losing it in an explosion." Unclear exactly as to when Trey'lis lost his lightsaber in the explosion; please clarify.- Looking good. CC7567 (talk) 19:56, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
"Jedi Master Kol Skywalker, who advised Cade to use the Force to break into the case that held his father's lightsaber." Brief mention of what his father's lightsaber is doing in a case on Coruscant. Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:36, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
Comments
- Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 01:50, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
- It'd be better if you cut off the first panel of File:Syn's Thud bug.jpg, for illustratory purposes. Thefourdotelipsis 23:48, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
- This is still approved, but a quick question: wasn't Hosk a Jedi Master? If so, you can just change it, as that's not enough to hold up the approval.—Tommy9281 (No quarter given, all exits sealed) 01:50, 18 May 2009 (UTC)