Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Hetton

< Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Hetton

(5 Inq/4 Users/9 Total)

Support

  1. As recommended after GA success. Darth Xadún 21:24, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
  2. Goodwood Redstarbird (Alliance Intelligence) 14:12, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
  3. I am proud to say I started this article, but of course all due credit goes to all those who expanded it and brught it up to GA/FA standards. Very nice work guys. --Squishy Vic (discussion) (contributions) 06:20, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 15:08, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Jaina Solo(Talk) 16:50, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
  6. You have been well trained, my young apprentice. They will be no match for you.—Tommy9281(Safe harbor, my friend.) 19:14, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote I'm not sure if a Sith infobox is necessarily appropriate, but I'll let someone else figure this one out. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:12, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
    • I'd say yes to the Sith infobox. Technically his affiliation at time of death was Sith.—Tommy(Clean face and hands) 12:26, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
  8. Inqvote -- Darth Culator (Talk) 02:01, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
  9. Inqvote Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:36, 13 May 2008 (UTC)

Object

  1. From the Forest of Goodwood:
    • "Hetton was born on the Old Republic world of Serenno." Old Republic should instead perhaps read "Galactic Republic", with a link, as well as one for Serenno.
    • The sentence after should perhaps start with "He".
      • I dont see the point in changing this, I think it's fine as is. Any particular reason for the change? Darth Xadún 08:08, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
        • Personal taste I suppose, but two consecutive sentences that start with the same word tend to be annoying. Meh.--Goodwood Redstarbird (Alliance Intelligence) 12:34, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
    • In the body of the article, the first mention of "dark side" needs a link. In addition, it is introduced rather abruptly, without any context as to whether it was his mother's intention to have him trained in the dark side.
    • "So no one would discover Hetton's secret training, Loranda told Hetton to kill his Master." Fragmentary sentence, please revise.
    • "When Kaan began looking for Force-sensitives to join his Brotherhood of Darkness (1,006 BBY)" Please remove the parentheses and either link to the year or eliminate it entirely.
    • "Hetton was open to all races in his rebels" "Races" should be "species" with a link; as well, substitute "rebel group" for "rebels".
      • I've changed the races. Also, I disliked the "rebel group" sentence so I've altered it altogether. Darth Xadún 08:08, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
    • "It is likely that Loranda" Inapprpriate present tense and speculation, please fix.--GoodwoodRedstarbird (Alliance Intelligence) 12:34, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
      • Yes, I know. I have changed the tense. Unfortunately, whether Loranda supported Hetton in following the Dark Side is not clarified in the source (Darth Bane: Rule of Two). It can only be assumed she supported this choice as Loranda later wanted Hetton to join Kaan's Brotherhood. That's why i didn't add anything to begin with. Given this, would you prefer it removed altogether?
    • TIMMMMBERRRR!!--Goodwood Redstarbird (Alliance Intelligence) 01:33, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
  2. From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
    • This speculation needs to be either reworded or removed, please: "probably feeling drawn to the focus on power of the individual and the rising of the powerful over the weak." Just a pointer for the future: writing that begins with "weasel words" like "apparently, possibly, probably, etc." are no-no's.
      • Removed.
    • Please add a little context for Kaan here, please. i.e. "The Sith Lord Kaan" or something: "When Kaan began looking for Force-sensitives to join his Brotherhood of Darkness"
      • Altered.
    • Please give a brief explanation of what this is: "who was rumored to have mastered mechu-deru"
      • Done.
    • I'm not sure if Hetton is actually a Sith at this point, and if he would therefore have a Sith Master or not. You can see I've pipelinked "Sith Master" into the "Master" preceding Bane. However, if Hetton did have a Sith Master, please remove that pipelink and replace it into the first mention of "Master" in this sentence: "With his new Master and Shadow Assassins by his side, Hetton flew to Ambria with the intention of killing Zannah's Master"
      • I'm a little confused. What do you think need changing?
        • Where it reads "With his new Master...," if this "Master" is a Sith Master, it should be pipe linked there.
    • Please add a "Behind the scenes" section explaining a) in what source he first appeared, who created him, and b) What role he played in the story - i.e, protagonist, antagonist, etc.
      • Added. well, as i type this i'm about to add it, but you know what i mean.
    • I don't know who you are or where you came from, Xadun, but welcome to the FA show. You're a great writer, and I'm glad to have you aboard. :) Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:05, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
    • wrong FAN, I think? Darth Xadún(Consult the Holocron) 09:23, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
  3. From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
    • The bit about him being born to one of the Great Houses should be mentioned in the early life section.
      • Added.
    • Likewise, the bit about them thinking Zannah betrayed them to the authorities is in the intro but unclear later.
      • I see what you mean. Is this any better?
    • "By the time Loranda discovered his abilities with the Force, Hetton was already a young man in his twenties—he convinced his mother to use the family wealth to search for means by which he could learn more about the Force." Can you rephrase to avoid using "the Force" twice in one sentence.
      • Altered.
    • First paragraph of powers and abilities should be merged into personality and traits as it's about power rather than a power. If you see what I mean. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:41, 12 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 18:36, 13 May 2008 (UTC)

I'll add to GT's objection that he's not a member of a Great House; he's from a more minor, but related house to the Demicis. Yrfeloran 20:56, 12 May 2008 (UTC)

  • Ok. I've altered all references to Hetton being a direct member of the Great houses to clarify this. Darth Xadún(Consult the Holocron) 09:19, 13 May 2008 (UTC)