Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Conan Antonio Motti/Legends

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Conan Antonio Motti

  • Nominated by: Chack Jadson (Talk) 17:47, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I wanted to get it up on LeParmentier's birthday (Thursday) but lacked the motivation to finish it then. So, here it is now.

(5 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total/INQCON 5)

Support

  1. Inqvote Great job. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 12:54, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 02:19, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Great article, strange name. CC7567 (talk) 23:13, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
  4. --Kreivi Wolter 17:07, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 17:04, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (Talk) 02:07, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. IFYLOFD is drawn to this nom by its lead quote
    • "It was not long before he advanced past Jaim Helaw, who he had served under early in his career" I don't think this is really needed in the intro, since its already stated he rose quickly through the ranks.
      • I still think the context is needed. Without, IMO, there's not a good indicator of who exactly he is.
    • "Motti was extremely confident in the Death Star's superiority," Superiority to what?
      • Fixed.
    • In the intro, give that he served during the Galactic Civil War and contextify the Rebels earlier, since the mention of the Rebels comes without any context and seems out of place.
      • Fixed.
    • In the intro mention what Motti questioned before Vader choked him.
      • Addressed.
    • "He served onboard the Ion Storm, a Strike-class cruiser, under Captain Jaim Helaw, who acted as somewhat of a mentor to him, and received a promotion to first lieutenant. " Too many commas. Messes up the flow.
      • Changed.
    • "who sought freedom from his cruel master" POV.
      • Changed.
    • " However, before the Y-wings could destroy the escape pod that Tarkin had attempted to flee in, Motti's Star Destroyer jumped out of hyperspace, as Motti had taken it upon himself to escort the Grand Moff against his wishes." Against who's wishes? Motti's or Tarkin's? Clarify.
      • Fixed.
    • "He took the Death Star to Alderaan, Organa's home planet, and, with her alongside him, Motti and Vader in the Death Star's control room, threatened to destroy Alderaan if she did not reveal the location of the Alliance's base." Doesn't really flow well.
      • I made some small changes, but I consulted with some users in IRC and they said it sounds fine.
    • " a moon located in the Yavin system in the Outer Rim." "in the" is repetitive.
      • I think it fits fine there. If you really would like to see it changed though, I'll acquiese.
    • "The Alliance's defense of its base consisted of 30 starfighters, catching the Empire off-guard, as Tarkin had expected a defense by several capital ships." Defense is repetitive.
      • Changed.
    • In the Darth Vader section, contextify and link Moff.
      • Done.
    • "LeParmentier was one of the few non-English actors cast as Imperial officers in the film and as such, did not speak with an English accent, one of the few Imperial officers in the original trilogy to speak without such an accent." Kinda repetitive.
      • Changed.
    • Could use a copyedit for tense and grammar. I've changed what I've seen, but you should go over it for good measure.
      • Was there anything specific (besides linking to redirects) that you noticed? Chack Jadson (Talk) 22:42, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Nice job. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 22:13, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Thank you, and thanks for the read. Thought you'd like the quote. Chack Jadson (Talk) 22:42, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
    • Place of death should be in the infobox ("Death Star I," "over Yavin," however you want to word it is fine with me).
    • Some context on Helaw in the intro is needed.
    • Also in the intro, you should probably mention that Tagge was Motti's equal in the Army, just to avoid any confusion.
    • "Motti was extremely confident in the Death Star's invulnerability" - this should probably be reworded slightly, since the Death Star wasn't invulnerable.
    • You mention under "Showdown at Yavin" that Tarkin had expected to be opposed by capital ships, and you reference the entire paragraph to ANH. Is this correct? I don't recall anything about this in ANH.
    • And that's it. Well done, Chack. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 12:20, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
  3. It appears that the Youtube video with Lucas' appearance has been deleted due to copyright problems, so you'll need to change the Bts reference to something else. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 13:11, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Now that I think about it, there's an existing ref that covers all that, I think. Should be fixed. Chack Jadson (Talk) 22:15, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
  4. Only one: "Back above Despayre, with the Death Star was nearing completion": do you mean "where the Death Star was nearing completion"? The two independent clauses aren't easing the sentence flow very well. CC7567 (talk) 23:47, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
  5. Harrar
    • "Motti was extremely confident in his belief that the Death Star was invulnerable, believing..." — can we change up one of the "beliefs" please?
      • Addressed.
    • I've never heard of "questioning someone to their face", it doesn't seem to read that well. Can you rephrase this if possible? :P
      • Must be an American thing. :P Changed.
    • Otherwise clean, bar one thing. In the P&T you make a whole bunch of references to Daala, but she isn't mentioned in the biography at all. Is there a reason for this?
      • Because she really doesn't do anything that concerns Motti in Death Star, just shows up and talks to Tarkin. If you'd like I can probably work a brief mention of her visiting Tarkin in the body, however. Chack Jadson (Talk) 15:20, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
        • If you don't think that's it's necessary then I'll trust your judgment. Looking forward to Shimrra — I'd like to discuss the "Jamaane" thing with you at some point.
    • Well done. Great to see important movie characters FAed, as always. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 13:10, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • A couple of points: I could not find a source stating his homeworld, that he served under the Republic, or any information about him entering Imperial service. And finally, the name is still kinda stupid. Chack Jadson (Talk) 17:47, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
  • I rearranged the P&T a tad bit so that it flowed better, and that similar topics were in succession of each other.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (Talk) 02:07, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Excellent, thanks Tommy. I think it flows better now. :) Chack Jadson (Talk) 14:51, 11 August 2009 (UTC)