- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Comet (clone trooper)
- Nominated by: 501st dogma(talk) 21:45, May 24, 2012 (UTC)
- Nomination comments:My first FA nom. Didn't mean to bring Comet here, but he became over 2,000 words....
(4 Inqs/3 Users/7 Total)
Support
By the way, it was a baby ox. Menkooroo (talk) 21:43, July 25, 2012 (UTC)- Why not? Plagueis327 (talk) 22:24, July 25, 2012 (UTC)
- IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 22:54, July 30, 2012 (UTC)
- CC7567 (talk) 21:55, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
- JangFett (Talk) 03:05, August 12, 2012 (UTC)
- Cade Calrayn
20:45, August 24, 2012 (UTC) - 1358 (Talk) 13:17, September 5, 2012 (UTC)
Object
Attack of the Clone
Two preliminary objections: first, please make sure that proper context is provided in the proper places. At a quick glance through the bio, there isn't immediate indication as to who CT-7567 and Obi-Wan Kenobi are.- Fixed for Kenobi and Rex, as well as some others I found.
Also, I would recommend giving the article another run-through before I start, as I'm noticing several minor but nevertheless prominent errors, like citations before punctuation and general grammar errors. Please take some time to double-check the article before I start. Reading it aloud to yourself would be helpful in catching smaller errors.CC7567 (talk) 01:19, July 20, 2012 (UTC)
The size of a Chihuahua's head
In the intro: "Sometime early in the war..." If we can date it more specifically (around 21 BBY), no reason to be vague, is there?- Fixed.
This normally falls under what's called the {{Sofixit}} clause, but I want to make sure you know: Any image caption which is a complete sentence should use punctuation at the end.- Done.
- Check out the second image: The caption isn't actually a complete sentence. If it said "helps" instead of "helping" it would be, but it's currently a sentence fragment. Sentence fragments are OK; they just shouldn't have periods.
- Fixed
- Check out the second image: The caption isn't actually a complete sentence. If it said "helps" instead of "helping" it would be, but it's currently a sentence fragment. Sentence fragments are OK; they just shouldn't have periods.
- Done.
"The Wolfpack" only appears once in the article; every other instance just uses "wolfpack" without the definite article. Is this correct? Our article on Wolfpack uses "the" every time.- Fixed.
There's also an instance of Wolffe being called "the Wolffe." Is this correct?Menkooroo (talk) 03:40, July 20, 2012 (UTC)In the first sentence of the bio, "Comet was born on the planet Kamino as a genetic copy of the Mandalorian bounty hunter Jango Fett" is currently sourced to R2 Come Home. That can't be right.- Reff problem fixed.
When Ozzel orders the clones to charge the enemy in the bio's third paragraph, can you give a little more detail? It says that the clones abandon their position, but it's not really clear what their position is. It says they gain their upper hand, but against who?- Better?
"The Dark Acolyte and an attack force of droids tracked Comet and the others to a Republic staging point where the escapees had rendezvoused with the Republic troops located there. This reads more from Ventress's perspective than Comet's, as it mentions Comet's arrival at the staging point almost as an afterthought. Can you reword it to keep the focus on our hero?- Heroified.
- You did a great job with this. My only remaining beef is kind of nitpicky; the word "attack" appears several times in close succession: "After the Dark Acolyte and her attack force tracked the group of escapees to the stagin point, the droids launched their attack, and the commandeered AAT was immediately destroyed. The attack forced Comet..." Can you find a synonym?
- Better?
- You did a great job with this. My only remaining beef is kind of nitpicky; the word "attack" appears several times in close succession: "After the Dark Acolyte and her attack force tracked the group of escapees to the stagin point, the droids launched their attack, and the commandeered AAT was immediately destroyed. The attack forced Comet..." Can you find a synonym?
- Heroified.
The transition from "Early service" to "Rescue missions" reads as if Comet departs from Khorm to go to Vanqor, immediately after the Battle of Khorm. Can you see what you can do about indicating that time has passed, and making it clear that they're actually stationed on Coruscant at the time?Menkooroo (talk) 05:36, July 22, 2012 (UTC)Comet fights in quite a few battles, but most of them are missing links in the body of the article. Can you go through and add them? Including one that could be linked to the word "trapped" in the first sentence of "Rescue missions," I count four.- Better?
I'm not sure if this is a discrepancy or not --- the biography has Comet helping Anakin out of the Endurance's bridge, but the image caption has him helping Mace.- Whoops! Fixed.
The second paragraph of "Rescue missions" is confusing --- it says the Comet participates in the rescue of a Republic team, and then describes the actions of a "rescue team" for several sentences. It seems like Comet is part of that "rescue team" until the beginning of the next paragraph, which reveals that he isn't. Can you make it clear early on that the "rescue team" is not Comet's team?- I think that's better.
- Sorry that I've had to do this review in stages --- next one should be the last! Menkooroo (talk) 01:26, July 23, 2012 (UTC)
"An attack group led by Anakin Skywalker and captain CT-7567, nicknamed "Rex," pounced on the droids as they exited the gate and plowed forward, attempting to gain access to the outpost via the open entrance." It isn't quite clear from the prose who's attempting to gain access to the outpost. It kind of reads as if the droids are, which I think is wrong.- Better?
"After the outpost had been taken and all droid forces including TZ-33 destroyed, Comet reported Tano's failure to report in to the Jedi commanders." I think Comet does a bit more here that you could describe. Before reporting Tano's failure, he presumably finds out about it himself --- can you make a mention of that? The way that her failure to report in is currently introduced almost reads as if the reader should already be familiar with it.- Added I think.
The second paragraph of "Mission to Kadavo" has some repetition --- the phrase "Comet and the others" is used a few times in close succession. Can you vary it up? One of them would probably be OK as just "they" or something.- Better?
"As a clone of Jango Fett, Comet was 1.83 meters tall[1] and spoke Galactic Basic Standard." This is written as if his speaking Basic is a product of him being a clone of Fett. I think it's more likely that he speaks it because he was raised to speak it; can you reword?- Done.
"Later in the war, he wore standard Phase I clone trooper armor, which he customized with a gray blue color to honor the fallen members of the Wolfpack during the Battle of Abregado." If Comet specifically isn't mentioned in "Clones on Cartoon Network," then the first part of this sentence (everything up to "gray blue color") should be sourced to whatever indicates that he wore and customized the armor.- Done.
Can the BTS give dates for the various things in which he's appeared? They're handy for tracing the character's history and development.- Dated.
In the BTS: "with his first appearance in the Clone Wars in season two's R2 Come Home." "the Clone Wars" isn't italicized here, so it reads as if that's his first chronological appearance in the in-universe Clone Wars. Can you clean it up?- Cleaned up.
In the Service of the Republic is identified as a graphic novel, but it's not clear what Star Wars: The Clone Wars is.- Done.
"He later appeared in both Citadel Rescue and Padawan Lost from season three,[8][3]" --- I don't think there's a policy on it, but general practice is to put the refs numerically when using more than one ref for something. So in this case, it should appear as [3][8] rather than [8][3]. Make sense? Normally I'd {{Sofixit}} but I think it's really handy for you to know.Menkooroo (talk) 03:20, July 24, 2012 (UTC)OK! Here is my final run through the article. With quote attributions, it's best to introduce a character with their full name (and rank, if possible) the first time that they're involved in a quote. Attributing quotes to "Ozzel" and "Coburn" is a little vague; indicating who they are would be a good idea.- Done.
"Armored Assault Tank" is spelled out in the intro, but the bio only says "AAT tank." Either one is OK, I think, but could you keep the intro and the bio consistent with one another?- Done.
Out of curiosity: Is it known how Comet and the Wolfpack arrived at Khorm, Vanqor, or Lola Sayu? It mentions that they ride a Republic light cruiser to Kadavo, but the former three battles simply say that they "arrived on" or "traveled to" the worlds. Do we know if they ride Venators or something?- Khorm- no, the comic starts with them on the surface, though later on it shows a fleet of Venators in space. Vanqor - they arrive in gunships, shows nothing else. Fixed Lola Sayu though, as it does show his means of transportation.
Is Plo Koon a Jedi General? He's only ever referred to as a Jedi Master in the biography, while guys like Anakin and Obi-Wan get the "Jedi General" treatment. Koon's referred to as a Jedi General once in the intro; best to not keep any info intro-specific.- Fixed. I got rid of the mention that states Koon`s a general, as a Master is a higher rank.
In the Personality and traits: "Like Fett, he also had tan-colored skin and black hair." Is this confirmed anywhere? Do we ever actually see Comet without his helmet on? The infobox doesn't have anything listed for hair and skin color, and a lot of clones have died their hair. I think the precedent is to not assume anything unless we can confirm it from seeing them without their helmet.- There`s a picture with Comet`s helmet off, though no hair color shows. The back of his head is towards us, so not a good portrait shot. Removed hair reference.
Are there any potential quotes for "Equipment?" Does anyone in the Wolfpack ever say anything about their jetpacks or ascenscion cables?- Nope.
- And... that's all! Not a bad job at all for a first FAnom. Check out my copy-edits for some tips on linking. Are you going to do your namesake some day? Menkooroo (talk) 19:40, July 25, 2012 (UTC)
Floyd:
Early service: "He and the others attempted to escape imprisonment" When you word it this way, it makes it sound like they tried and failed to escape. Just saying they escaped would be better.- Fixed.
At one point you capitalize the weather-control station, and at another point you don't. Make it consistent.- Done.
"Tano stopped the squad temporarily on the way to their objective when she sensed something." I feel like some more information on this event should be given if its relevant enough to mention. You're very vague about it.- Better?
Also, you mention that Tano disappeared, but there's no mention given about what eventually happened to her.- Better?
- Solid work. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:50, July 27, 2012 (UTC)
The Attack arrives
I would recommend creating clone trooper corporal and linking to it, since it's pretty important in regards to Comet.CC7567 (talk) 02:28, July 31, 2012 (UTC)Regarding this quote caption: "Commander Wolffe, to Comet, shortly before they rescue the Jedi"—since there are multiple Jedi-related rescue missions detailed throughout this section, please be more specific as to the rescuing of the Jedi here. Who? Where?- Done.
Since you mention that Tano went missing, it sounds like it's worth mentioning where she got taken, why, etc. It doesn't have to be more than a sentence long, but it otherwise feels like missing context."On Khorm, Comet realized the enemy was at a disadvantage due to the tank that his forces possessed, and he wanted to press the advantage. However, Major Kendal Ozzel ordered the troopers to escape the facility, prompting Comet to obey his superior." Which facility is this? The agrocite processing facility from which they escaped? It would help to mention this from the beginning in the first sentence somewhere, as well as a brief note about how they came into possession of the tank; it'll ensure that the reader knows what's going on from the start.- Better?
Comet isn't mentioned in the text of the old Episode Guide for "Citadel Rescue." Was he (Picture only)? Please check and specify.- Please note that refs need to be defined the first time you use them; specifying the name and content of the ref upon the second time isn't proper formatting. Other than that, the article was fairly good—just please continue to watch linking. There was some over/underlinking, as well as links to disambigs and incorrect articles. CC7567 (talk) 02:52, August 10, 2012 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 13:17, September 5, 2012 (UTC)