Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Ben Skywalker

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Ben Skywalker

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. My favorite character. Great job. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:23, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Not the biggest fan of that profile image, but the prose is excellent and the article itself is of high caliber. The Flash {talk} 00:11, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Chack Attack:
  2. Why is the Jedi Council meddling with FAN?!?
    • Intro: "Solo had just returned to the New Jedi Order after a five-year journey to learn more about the Force, was able to help Skywalker open himself up to the Force gradually, although Skywalker was still apprehensive about it for a while, and it would take him years to become fully adjusted to the Force." A bit of a run-on; please break it up.
      • Addressed.
    • Intro: Three consecutive paragraphs begin "In XX ABY,"; can you change a couple of them?
      • Addressed.
    • Intro: "Eventually Caedus was killed in the Battle of Shedu Maad,": The actual duel in which he was killed has its own article, so is there a reason you linked to and named the battle instead?
      • Addressed.
    • Intro: In the first sentence of the fourth paragraph, you should link to Luke's actual court case, though I'm not sure where to place it.
      • Addressed.
    • 1.1 Pre-birth: "The Skywalkers were on the Coruscant beach": Context on the beach, please. A lot of people would be a bit shocked to find out that Coruscant has a beach somewhere in all of that durasteel; I know I was when I first read about it in Rebirth.
    • 1.3.1 Dark Nest Crisis > A new threat: "As Rar and Gorog sped away from Ossus in a stolen skiff, Ben received a final message from the Killik, who said that she wanted Ben to be happy. When he told Luke of Gorog's message," Until now, you've called her "the Gorog". Now you suddenly switch to simply calling her Gorog, as if that is her actual name like Luke, Ben, Leia, etc. Is there a reason for this?
    • I'll continue with "Second Galactic Civil War" in a day or two. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 03:31, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
  3. From the Council Chambers: (part 2)
    • 1.4.2 Second Galactic Civil War > Operation Roundabout: In the second paragraph, it might be a good idea to mention Ben's repeated failures in the simulation and Jacen's resulting doubt as to whether Ben should go on the mission (that is, if I remember the events of Betrayal correctly). This would also help bring that paragraph in line with the surrounding paragraphs as far as size, though that itself is not a major issue.
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.2: In the fourth paragraph, you start three out of four consecutive sentences with "However"; can you change a couple?
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.6 Civil unrest: "Skywalker was at Solo's apartment at the time and was unharmed.": Is there a reason for having this sentence? It seems unnecessary to me.
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.7 The Galactic Alliance Guard: "Shevu eventually entered the interrogation chamber with Girdun as Skywalker looked on and tried to heal Habuur, but to no avail": Unclear as to whether Shevu or Skywalker was the one who tried to heal Habuur.
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.7: "It pointed to a nearby apartment building, which Skywalker and the GAG squad forcibly entered. They met resistance, forcing Skywalker to kill the two men inside." "Forcibly" and "forcing" are a bit repetitive since they have the same root word.
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.10 Ziost: "Skywalker checked all of the objects on his belt for a tracking device and found it inside his belt pouch. Skywalker checked the skies for the TIE fighter and saw it speeding toward them." Two straight sentences start with the same two words; can you change one?
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.12 Loss of a parent: "He went to the GAG compound and took a speeder, following Lumiya and the Sith ship. He followed it into Hapan space," A "speeder" is purely an atmospheric vehicle, so how did he travel through space?
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.13 Change of heart: "He defeated the CSF security detail guarding Omas and afterward had a brief engagement with a security droid but ended up staring down the barrel of Omas' blaster pistol, although Skywalker swiftly disarmed him." A bit of a run-on; please break it into two sentences.
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.17 Final victory: The quote contains an error: "you're no better suited to be Sith apprentice" should be "you're no better suited to be a Sith apprentice". If this error is also in Invincible (which I don't have to check), then it deserves a [sic], otherwise it needs corrected.
    • I'll complete the review, beginning with "Travels with his father", by the end of the week. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 00:40, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
  4. From the Council Chambers: (round 3)
    • 1.5 Travels with his father: Mention should be made at the beginning of this section or and the end of the previous section of Ben's promotion to Knight.
    • 1.5.1 Travels > The Baran Do: You have exactly one subheading under this heading—"The Hidden Ones". One thing I was taught in high school English class is that a point in an outline should never have only a single sub-point. While it doesn't technically apply directly to subheadings in an article, the MediaWiki software automatically converts the headings into the TOC, which is basically an outline. This is clearly nitpicking a little, but I'd like to see either the single sub-heading removed or see a second sub-heading added immediately below "The Baran Do", whichever you feel would be better.
    • 1.5.1: "Ziil stated that he would tell those on the surface that his earlier message about the Skywalkers' deaths was a mistake, and he promised to free his servants and appoint a board of advisers, and in a couple of years they would reassess the situation.": "And" is repetitive here.
    • 1.5.2 The Aing-Tii: "Tadar'Ro took them to a house created for Jorj Car'das, a former smuggler who had once stayed with the Aing-Tii, where they were to stay while learning with the Aing-Tii.": "Stay" is repetitive here.
    • BTS: I'd like to see the BTS expanded a bit. Though individual appearances are probably too numerous to list in full, you should at least mention the series that he appeared in (NJO, Dark Nest, LOTF and FOTJ) and what kind of role he played in each (i.e. minor/major).
    • Last note, though not a objection: Some newbie added something to the BTS about Timothy Zahn the other day. The source provided gives the information about two-thirds of the way down. It's your call on what you want to do with it. Great job. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 17:43, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
  5. The Flash
    • Refs 30, 31, and 32 are bare URLs - please fix them
    • BTS - needs more refs, just general ones to the books they mention
      • Those are really self-referencing, and don't require ref tags.
    • Also in BTS, is The Lost Lightsaber confirmed to be non-canon? Tales are generally ambig for those set of issues and would better put in the actual history with an ambig tag.
      • Tales 1-20 is generally used as non-canon.
    • I agree with Darth Trayus's comment below - it might be best to put a more time-fitting image of Luke in the "Duel" section.
      • Addressed.
    • This article is in really good shape, actually, and I'd be very happy with it if those points were met - nice work. The Flash {talk} 23:48, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
  6. Blacklist:
    • I'm only through the intro, at which point I will be stopping for now, and I've already encountered a profuse amount of under-linking. I've taken care of what I've read thus far, but you will need to comb through the article in its entirety and make sure that everything that needs to be linked is linked, and only once.
      • Addressed, I hope.
    • You also make no mention of his homeworld being Coruscant in the intro despite it being shown in the infobox. Please work this in somewhere.
      • Addressed.
    • The intro's also going to need an Fate of the Jedi: Abyss update.
      • Addressed.
    • So is the article, and when you're done with that, a {{spoiler}} tag is going to be necessary.
    • I'm oh-so-positive that more will follow these…—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (Talk) 00:19, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
  7. Harrar
    • Your Pre-birth section has some issues, Floyd. You need to re-read Edge of Victory II: Rebirth, specifically pages 195-197 (Ch. 29) and pages 270-273 (Ch. 43), the latter of which deal with Luke's attempt to attack the disease with the dark side and then his series of visions. There's also a bit more info in the Epilogue, pages 290 onwards, which has some relevance in that the Skywalkers are allowed to return to Coruscant. I think all these sections have pertinence (the idea that Cilghal could induce labour but it would probably have killed both of them is interesting (page 195ish)) and that a reasonable chunk of info is missing. If for any reason you can't access the book, I can add the stuff.
      • Added.
        • I'm concerned that what you've added is basically verbatim from the brief summary I gave on IRC of the info that was missing. I'm further concerned by the fact that you added the info into the chronology incorrectly before I alerted you to that fact. This kind of work is very similar to the problems that riddled Mirta Gev, and really does suggest that either you don't have the books to hand and are working off memory and other articles, or that you possess them and are not re-reading them. You've taken out the info on the visions Luke has while he attacks the disease completely, which seems self-defeating as it was in there in the first place. This info isn't that important, I'll admit, but raises questions about the rest of the article. Either re-read the EOV2 pages I have presented you with and do a decent job of incorporating the information, or accept that things aren't quite right here and allow someone else to step in and resolve the issue.
          • If you want to handle the issue yourself like you offered before, fine. I thought the objections were fixed, as I tried to implement the info myself that you gave and I did in fact reread the pages.
            • If this objection holds up the article then I'll strike and sort it out; I don't think that this will pass before December 12th though, which is when I'm back home and I will be able to help out then. I don't mean to be difficult Floyd, it's just things aren't perfect here and without my books I can't be of much help.
    • There's no info about the Nanny droid in the Coruscant section; I'd like to see some weight added to the Byrt section as well, in that C-3PO is hiding with Ben and his crying is alerting Shesh, whereupon he puts Ben in the locker and then mimics him. The section could also do with re-arrangement so it's not weighted so heavily toward Shesh's viewpoint.
      • Addressed.
        • Not really. The only relevant stuff is that C-3PO is whisked onto the Byrt, he flees to the escape pod launch bay, the ship is boarded, Shesh and the Yuuzhan Vong arrive, Ben wails too loudly, C-3PO hides him, goes into the escape pod, and mimics Ben's cries until Shesh falls for the trick. The Calrissian arrives. At the moment, this article could easily have been used as the source; that's not just me flattering myself either. I recommend re-reading the relevant sections of sbs. With regards to the Nanny droid, you haven't mentioned how it is destroyed during the Solos' attempts to flee the planet, and merely removed the link to the later incarnation at the time of the Dark Nest Crisis, which is just plain lazy.
          • Kidnapping timeline fixed, and nanny droid info to come.
            • Okay, kidnapping stuff is good.
    • "After the fall of Coruscant, the infant Skywalker was kept for several days in a Jedi stronghold called Eclipse Station, hidden on the Deep Core planet of the same name." -- this can't be right as Eclipse is destroyed in Star by Star.
      • Er... no it wasn't.
        • I'm going to strike this but will look into it further at a later date.
    • "During the Borleias occupation, Ben accompanied his mother everywhere she went, something that Luke Skywalker saw as irrational." -- this reads as though Ben is walking around with Mara and that Luke views Ben's behaviour as irrational. Please re-word and take care to tend towards the passive when discussing Ben at this age; he's basically an object, after all.
    • Addressed.
    • That's it for now; I'll continue with the Dark Nest stuff later. Well done for writing him! -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 15:45, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
  8. http://objection.ytmnd.com
    • In the Second Galactic Civil War section, there's a long span of no images, followed by five in very close succession. Can these be spread out?
      • I looked at the two sections, and there aren't any images pertinent to the events recounted.
        • Maybe the image of Mara could be moved up? There's nothing about that image that suggests it depicts Mara immediately before her death; it could possibly go in the "Assassinating Gejjen" section. There's some room for creativity there, I think --- at the very least, move the image of Caedus over to the right (and switch the four succeeding Biography images around)? Two images on the left in such close succession looks yucky. Menkooroo 07:33, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
    • In Regaining his connection to the Force: Are we sure that the Gorax attack was real? Didn't Jacen just make the story up so that he didn't have to tell Luke and Mara why he really mind-rubbed Ben, and wouldn't have to reveal Allana's true parentage? Menkooroo 08:33, December 26, 2009 (UTC)
      • The gorax attack and Endor trip actually happened. Jacen attests to this in the book; he did it so it would fill the gap in Ben's memory.
        • Jacen attests to it, but it's in a scene from Luke's POV, and doesn't Luke suspect he's lying? The Darth Caedus article currently claims that it's a lie, so you and Havac might want to come to a consensus on this. Two FA's with conflicting reports wouldn't look good. For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure that they went to Endor alright, but the Gorax attack was a lie. Menkooroo 07:33, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • Heads-up; re added the Databank link for you, it seems to have gotten (accidentally) removed during the article's transition. Firebird Moltresheadsig heart's eye 12:49, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
  • Is there a reason you use such an outdated image of Luke in the "Duel at the Temple" section? He looks younger than Jacen does in the "Regaining his connection to the Force" section. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 19:18, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
  • Quick note: Abyss update will commence soon, when I have sufficient time. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 14:35, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Great job updating for Abyss. The "Sinkhole Station" section could use an image, to fit with the two previous sections --- I'd recommend using the image of Vestara. Menkooroo 05:07, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)

  1. Inqvote There has been no activity on the article from the nominator since late October, nor has he addressed any outstanding concerns regarding this article since mid January. This seems to have been abandoned, especially since he has been frequently active with his other nominations here and there.—Tommy 9281 Mechnochair-NEGWT (Mechno-chair) 22:16, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 22:27, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Grunny (Talk) 22:54, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:23, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 23:24, February 8, 2010 (UTC)