Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Akwin

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Akwin

• Nominated by: - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 06:46, 3 October 2023 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: My second Twin Stars FAN!
• Date Archived: 02:17, 26 April 2024 (UTC)
• Final word count: 1460 words (184 introduction, 1187 body, 89 behind the scenes)
• Word count at nomination time: 1427 words (107 introduction, 1231 body, 89 behind the scenes)
• WookieeProject (optional): Wookieepedia:WookieeProject Aliens

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)

(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)

Support

1. UberSoldat93 (talk) 07:02, 31 December 2023 (UTC)
2. Objections handled via Discord. Master Fredcerique(talk) (he/him) 06:36, 29 February 2024 (UTC)
3. Supreme Emperor ^Holocomm 04:24, 18 April 2024 (UTC)
4. JediMasterMacaroni^(Talk) 05:39, 25 April 2024 (UTC)
5. —spookywilloww^talk 02:15, 26 April 2024 (UTC)
6. Lewisr (talk) 02:16, 26 April 2024 (UTC)

Object

Fan

• Missing link in the intro
  • Could you elaborate/be more specific? - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 21:34, 8 December 2023 (UTC)
    • Planet/Legends, in the very first sentence Fan26 (Talk) 20:31, 9 December 2023 (UTC)
      • Added. - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 23:25, 9 December 2023 (UTC)
• I think explicitly identifying the human population as Lazerians would be beneficial so the phrase "human population" doesn't have to be reused so soon Fan26 (Talk) 06:00, 8 December 2023 (UTC)
  • Adjusted. - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 21:34, 8 December 2023 (UTC)
    • This can be used to refer to them, instead of saying vaguer terms like "the human population" and such. Fan26 (Talk) 20:31, 9 December 2023 (UTC)
      • The use in the intro provides context as would the first instance in the body; other instances are to provide variety to prose so "Lazerians" isn't said every time. - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 23:23, 9 December 2023 (UTC)
        • Variety in the pose shouldn't trump clarity and avoiding awkward phrasing, both of which are lost here by not simply using the term "Lazerians" at least once more. Fan26 (Talk) 21:30, 18 December 2023 (UTC)
          • You're going to need to be more specific about which specific portion of the text you're referring to then, because from where I'm standing it reads clearly to me. - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 11:24, 20 December 2023 (UTC)
            • The second-to-last sentence of the intro refers to "the human population of the planet" and "[the Awkin's] land-dwelling neighbors". One of these phrasings can be swapped for just saying "Lazerians". Variety in prose doesn't trump clarity, and leaving this wording as it is harms the encyclopedic tone of the article. We should always present the information succinctly to the readers. Fan26 (Talk) 21:16, 10 January 2024 (UTC)
              • Adjusted that bit. - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 23:17, 16 January 2024 (UTC)
                • Apologies it took me nearly a month to get back to this; I consider it to have been addressed now. Fan26 (Talk) 04:16, 13 February 2024 (UTC)
• Their status as sentient, a key piece of information about their species, is currently infobox-exclusive info save for the categories the article is placed in. Fan26 (Talk) 06:04, 8 December 2023 (UTC)
  • Added, not sure why I missed that. - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 21:34, 8 December 2023 (UTC)

Uber

• The mention of the New Republic era is intro-exclusive.
  • Fixed. - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 20:03, 22 December 2023 (UTC)
• Would like to see History receive some subsectioning.
  • Sectioned. - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 20:03, 22 December 2023 (UTC)
• CSWE reference needs to include page number. UberSoldat93 (talk) 08:57, 12 December 2023 (UTC)
  • Added. - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 06:00, 31 December 2023 (UTC)
• You have a duplicate reference under Life with Lazerians. UberSoldat93 (talk) 06:37, 24 December 2023 (UTC)
  • Fixed. - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 06:00, 31 December 2023 (UTC)

Macaroni

• I think you can incorporate a couple more details from society/culture in the intro.
  • Expanded. - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 20:20, 18 March 2024 (UTC)
• "had the potential to be a possible cause" - I think there's some redundancy here we can remove.
  • Removed "possible." - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 21:30, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
• You should move the context for Lazerian IV to its first mention in the body.
  • Moved. - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 21:30, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
• "The creatures that comprised an Akwin's diet were raised by the species on underwater 'ranches,'" - I'd recommend rewording this clause to avoid the passive voice.
  • Can you be a bit more specific? Bit confused on what you're referring to here. - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 21:30, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
    • You make the object of the verb (creatures) the subject of the sentence, which leads to the passive voice ("were raised by"). The vast majority of the time it's better writing to have the thing doing the verb be the subject of your sentence, so in this case: "The species raised the creatures that comprised their diet on underwater 'ranches.'"
      • Changed. - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 17:47, 4 April 2024 (UTC)
• If the New Republic era is citable to the sourcebook, you don't a date note to explain like you currently have – you can just cite "after NR formation" to the sourcebook and the date directly to NEC.
  • Revised. - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 21:30, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
• The bts doesn't need to mention what other pages do, you can just say "this article..." JediMasterMacaroni^(Talk) 07:58, 8 March 2024 (UTC)
  • Changed to "this wiki" rather than "this article and other pages." Still covers the scope of the subject matter as a whole without being overly specific. - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 21:30, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
    • I don't think you actually need to cover the scope of the subject since this article is just about this subject - but if you feel strongly about it then I'll strike this. JediMasterMacaroni^(Talk) 19:07, 21 March 2024 (UTC)
      • Changed. - Thannus (DFaceG) (he/him) (talk) 21:22, 23 March 2024 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 02:16, 26 April 2024 (UTC)