Wookieepedia:Comprehensive article nominations/Offices of the Imperial Head of State

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a comprehensive article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Offices of the Imperial Head of State

Nominated by: Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 05:50, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
Nomination comments:I hope you'll look the article over.

(0 ECs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

~~—Axinal ^{Convocation Chamber} 17:58, May 16, 2011 (UTC)~~

~~See below.—Axinal ^{Convocation Chamber} 09:56, May 20, 2011 (UTC)~~
- The article is now well over 250 words, and thus qualifies as a GAN.—Axinal ^{Convocation Chamber} 20:57, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
  - Alright, but I don't know how to archive an article before moving it to WP:GAN. So if someone else could move it, or show me how, I'd appreciate it.Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 01:00, June 14, 2011 (UTC)
    - I've never done it myself, but you can find instructions here.—Axinal ^{Convocation Chamber} 21:02, June 14, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Axinal
- The article is currently missing a BTS section.
- Also, try to add some context on the information. What was Coruscant? Who was Jaina Solo? What were their careers, and why did they take them on separate paths?—Axinal ^{Convocation Chamber} 15:35, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
  - OK, I added a BTS section and I added some more context. I also expanded it a little more.Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 16:49, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
    - Better, but now you have intro-exclusive information; specifically, you mention in the intro that Fel was the Imperial Head of State, and that Coruscant was the GA capital. This info must be in the main body as well. Also, take a look at the formatting in the BTS; you italicize FotJ once and leave it normal another time. Also, the wording in the first sentence, "Fate of the Jedi Fate of the Jedi: Allies" is a little awkward. Could you perhaps rearrange the sentence?—Axinal ^{Convocation Chamber} 16:58, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
- ~~Please fix links so they don't point to redirects; specifically, Imperial, Galactic Alliance, and vidscreen.—Axinal ^{Convocation Chamber} 16:58, May 16, 2011 (UTC)~~
  - ~~Imperators got GA and vidscreen, so just Imperial.~~
- I apologize if I wasn't specific enough when I said "context." I'm afraid I think you went a bit overboard with detail, as much of the article as it is currently written is not relevant to the office. We really just need to know the gist of what was said during the conversation in the office, not a history of their relationship.—Axinal ^{Convocation Chamber} 17:37, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
- I downsized on some of their relationship details to concentrate more on the office. Does it need more downsizing or not?Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 17:46, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
  - I'm satisfied, good work.—Axinal ^{Convocation Chamber} 17:58, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
Imperators II
- ~~I believe that the Imperial state that existed in 44 ABY was the Imperial Remnant, not the Galactic Empire.~~
  - I disagree; Jag consistently says Galactic Empire, and corrects those who refer to it as the Imperial Remnant.—Axinal ^{Convocation Chamber} 17:33, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
- ~~All the infobox info must be referenced.~~ Imperators II^(Talk) 17:13, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
  - Per CA rules, not if the subject in question only has one appearance.—Axinal ^{Convocation Chamber} 17:33, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
    - It's encouraged, though. (OK, not really an objection, then.) Imperators II^(Talk) 17:41, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
      - True, it is encouraged, so I'd be okay if Cal wanted to do that. Doesn't matter to me.—Axinal ^{Convocation Chamber} 17:58, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
        I added references to the infobox now.Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 02:16, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
- ~~The "History" section should begin with mentioning the era during which the offices were on Coruscant.~~ Imperators II^(Talk) 17:18, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
- OK did I miss anymore redirect links?Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 17:34, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
  - Nope, you got them all, good work. Just see my remaining objection above.—Axinal ^{Convocation Chamber} 17:38, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
- OK good. Is there anything else that I missed that needs to be fixed up?Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 18:06, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
- If you're going to source the article, you need to source the whole thing (except the intro).—Axinal ^{Convocation Chamber} 09:56, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
- I added the sources to the main article. Did I mess anything up?Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 14:33, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
  - Nope, nice work. Just note that you do not need the {{Ref}} template outside the infobox, and you do not need to list the same reference with the full format after the first one. I went ahead and fixed that for you, just see the history for future reference.—Axinal ^{Convocation Chamber} 21:48, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
Cav:
- The History section: the single sentence should be merged into the large paragrapg to create a single paragraph. There are POV issues in the text - calling Bwua'tu a "great" lawyer, for instance. Some context on Tahiri is needed as well, along with the reason for her being on trial.
  - I think I got it all.Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 02:07, May 28, 2011 (UTC)
- ~~Ref tags are not needed in the BTS section for the Allies information as it is self-sourcing.~~ - Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 11:34, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
  - Got it. Is that better?Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 15:33, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
- The Offices of the Imperial Head of State were used by Imperial Head of State Jagged Fel - repetition with "Imperial Head of State". Try to vary it a little more. Maybe "these offices were used by Imperial Head of State Jagged Fel", or somesuch.
- Although he did get her a well-known lawyer by the name of Eramuth Bwua'tu, Solo saw that their relationship couldn't continue. Why? Jag just helped her out! A little more context is needed here.
- She left him for a while, but eventually they got engaged again. Reasons? Probably tied to context needed above.
- I'm seeing some first name usage in the body - needs to be changed to surnames. - Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 20:21, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
Jujiggum
- Requires a Fate of the Jedi: Conviction update. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 21:01, May 28, 2011 (UTC)
  - I updated the appearances section. But I've been trying to get my hands on a copy of Fate of the Jedi: Conviction without success. So if it needs to be expanded further, it might be a couple of days before I can check the book.Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 22:15, May 28, 2011 (UTC)
    - Yeah, it'll just need a little bit of expansion. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 14:24, May 30, 2011 (UTC)
      - OK I finally got Fate of the Jedi: Conviction today, but when I glanced through it I didn't see any mention of the Offices of the Imperial Head of State. Is it mentioned by a different name or did I just miss it?Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 20:16, June 3, 2011 (UTC)
        Appearances are at the beginnings of Chapters 15 and 29. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 20:37, June 3, 2011 (UTC)
        How does the update look?Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 19:24, June 8, 2011 (UTC)
        You're still missing some information. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 17:20, June 9, 2011 (UTC)
- The intro should be expanded a bit.
  - OK how does that look?Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 19:07, June 9, 2011 (UTC)
- Tense/mood issues in the history section.
  - I'm not exactly sure what you mean by tense/mood issues, but I tried to clean it up a bit.Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 19:07, June 9, 2011 (UTC)
- The article sectioning should be rearranged to fit with other location status article precedents. For example, you should have a description section, instead of a location or layout section, and the history section should come after that section. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 17:20, June 9, 2011 (UTC)
  - How does the sectioning look now?Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 19:13, June 9, 2011 (UTC)
Exiled Jedi
- ~~Linking issues:~~
  - ~~You can link assassination to assassin.~~
  - ~~You can link lawyer.~~
- Otherwise it looks good.--Exiled Jedi (Greetings) 16:37, June 9, 2011 (UTC)
  - Apologies for intervening, but these objections are what we call "sofixit" objections. It would be one thing if there were tons of linking mistakes throughout the article, but all you've objected to are just two links that would be easier for you to fix in a copy-edit than by making objections out of them. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 17:20, June 9, 2011 (UTC)
    - Sorry about that, I will do better in the future.--Exiled Jedi (Greetings) 17:39, June 9, 2011 (UTC)
- I will support after all of the other objections have been resolved.--Exiled Jedi (Greetings) 17:39, June 9, 2011 (UTC)
  - Great!Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 19:13, June 9, 2011 (UTC)

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