Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Young advisory council

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Young advisory council

• Nominated by: Master Jonathan^{Jedi Council Chambers} 06:45, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Second GA nom, this one twice as long.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

1. CC7567 ^(talk) 02:12, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
2. IFYLOFD ^{(You will pay the price for your lack of vision!)} 16:39, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
3. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 22:35, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
4. SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is a lie)} 08:52, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
5. --Darth tom (Imperial Intelligence) 11:23, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
6. Graestan^(Talk) 00:40, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

Object

1. Instant attack of the Clone
   • "Plus" needs to be replaced; it's colloquial.
     • Addressed. Master Jonathan^{Jedi Council Chambers} 16:36, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
   • Can it be mentioned earlier in the intro that Cerasi was the head?
     • Addressed. Master Jonathan^{Jedi Council Chambers} 16:36, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
   • Cerasi and Nield need a bit of context as to who they were; it's unclear whether they were part of the original Young or the Elders.
     • It seems clear to me—the Young formed a government and they were part of the government, so it logically follows that they were part of the Young. However, I can change it if you still don't like it. Master Jonathan^{Jedi Council Chambers} 16:36, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
   • "a vote on the council": try to reword a bit; it's slightly awkward.
     • Addressed. Master Jonathan^{Jedi Council Chambers} 16:36, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
   • Kenobi needs context.
     • I'm not sure what you mean here. What kind of context? Master Jonathan^{Jedi Council Chambers} 16:36, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
       • Padawan? Failed Padawan? Self-exile from the Jedi Order? CC7567 ^(talk) 20:38, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
         • Addressed. Master Jonathan^{Jedi Council Chambers} 01:35, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
   • "Another early action was to ban anyone": bit awkward; try going for something like "The council also..." instead of wording it this way.
     • Addressed. Master Jonathan^{Jedi Council Chambers} 16:36, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
   • "the votes were six for the stop action and five against, with Kenobi, the last to vote, voting for the motion." Bit unclear what "the motion" is, also because it's not really chronological. Maybe say that it was five to five, and then say Kenobi voted to stop the act.
     • Addressed. Master Jonathan^{Jedi Council Chambers} 16:36, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
   • Bit unclear to the chronology as to when the Elders arrived to protest.
     • The book doesn't say when. Master Jonathan^{Jedi Council Chambers} 16:36, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
   • "the fragmentation of the council was complete": sounds a bit like it was a plan executed by an enemy.
     • Addressed. Master Jonathan^{Jedi Council Chambers} 16:36, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
       • Still sounds a bit awkward; I think it should be simply "The council fragmented" or change it to something else. It can fragment overtime (and if you're going to emphasize it that way, it should be made clearer earlier), but "fragment" is an awkward word choice for disintegration overtime. CC7567 ^(talk) 20:38, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
         • Addressed again, hopefully. Master Jonathan^{Jedi Council Chambers} 01:35, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
   • Looks fine otherwise. Good job. CC7567 ^(talk) 07:03, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
2. IFYLOFD says hello:
   • Contextify The Young in the intro.
     • Addressed. Master Jonathan^{Jedi Council Chambers} 02:52, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
   • Contextify Cerasi in the intro and the main body.
     • She's already identified as the head of the council in both places, and I can't think of anything else to say. Master Jonathan^{Jedi Council Chambers} 02:52, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
   • "ended the war by waging a new war against the Melida and Daan," A little confusing. Just clarify it a little bit.
     • Reworded. Master Jonathan^{Jedi Council Chambers} 02:52, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
   • Contextify the Elders.
     • Again, not sure what else to say other than what is already said, which is that they were a faction of both Melida and Daan. Master Jonathan^{Jedi Council Chambers} 02:52, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
   • Clear up why they would want to destroy the Halls of Evidence.
     • Addressed, I think.
   • In Fragmentation, you mention that Obi-Wan and Cerasi try to stop the destruction of the Halls. But later you mention that Nield was destroying "another Hall". Is this one of the Halls of Evidence, or something unrelated?
     • Clarified.
   • "Nield started working on Mawat" Working on isn't really the right choice of verb. Use a more situation-appropriate word.
     • Reworded, but I'm not sure about it. If you don't like it, feel to change it to something you do like because I can't think of anything else. Master Jonathan^{Jedi Council Chambers} 02:52, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
   • IFYLOFD ^{(You will pay the price for your lack of vision!)} 02:10, 9 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

• You may want to create a "Composition" section. —Lucius malfoy7 ^{Talk • Reference} 13:38, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
  • The reason I didn't do a "Composition" section is because it would be ridiculously short—the only information available is that there are ten members elected for one year each and that the head was Cerasi, plus the names of a few other members. If there was more info available, I could see using that section, but since there's not enough info and we don't have an LG entry for legislatures—probably due to an appalling lack of GAs or FAs on legislative bodies—I simply incorporated the info into the "History" section where appropriate. Master Jonathan^{Jedi Council Chambers} 18:20, 9 May 2009 (UTC)

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 00:40, 7 June 2009 (UTC)