- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Vassek 3
- Nominated by: Erebus Chronus (Talk) 20:45, 17 January 2022 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: Let's finish the Lair of Grievous stuff
- WookieeProject (optional): WP:TCW, WP:AST, WP:CIS
(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
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Support
Nice. Imperators II(Talk) 20:48, 31 January 2022 (UTC)- Samonic
(Ah, yes. The negotiator.) 17:37, 25 February 2022 (UTC) - AmazinglyCool
(talk) 00:57, 26 February 2022 (UTC) 
1358 (Talk) 17:47, 17 March 2022 (UTC)- MasterFred(talk) 20:29, 17 March 2022 (UTC)
Object
Imp
"Located within the tangle of sharp, towering mountains, and plunging gorges and tall columns of the moon" — this is rich Description info. Can you try and move at least some of it there?- Moved a bit to Description. Let me know if that's too much.
While you're at it, you should fix the dangling participle issue in that sentence: "Located within the tangle of sharp, towering mountains, and plunging gorges and tall columns of the moon, Vassek 3 served as the location of the personal fortress of Kaleesh Separatist General Grievous." the fortress, not Vassek 3, was located within the tangle.- How's that?
Can we have consistency between referencing in infobox and the body?- Is that fine, or should I just cite it being in the Vassek system to the BMF issue?
- If the BMF issue gives the name for the system, that would allow you reduce the number of references used in that paragraph, yeah.
- Changed.
- If the BMF issue gives the name for the system, that would allow you reduce the number of references used in that paragraph, yeah.
- Is that fine, or should I just cite it being in the Vassek system to the BMF issue?
It's been a while since I last saw the episode, is the "his" here supposed to refer to Fisto or Vebb? "his detachment of clone troopers"- Yeah, I was referring to Vebb.
- Was Vebb actually a Jedi General? Before my copy-edit, you used to differentiate between Fisto and Vebb by referring to the latter as a Jedi Knight. I know there's next to no policy governing article subsection titles, but they probably shouldn't be misleading, so in case if Vebb isn't a General, "Encounter with Jedi Generals" should probably be something else. Imperators II(Talk) 13:05, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
- There. Erebus Chronus (Talk) 17:56, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
- Was Vebb actually a Jedi General? Before my copy-edit, you used to differentiate between Fisto and Vebb by referring to the latter as a Jedi Knight. I know there's next to no policy governing article subsection titles, but they probably shouldn't be misleading, so in case if Vebb isn't a General, "Encounter with Jedi Generals" should probably be something else. Imperators II(Talk) 13:05, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
- Yeah, I was referring to Vebb.
Since it's so prominently visible in the image, do you think it's worth noting the vehicle Fisto arrived on Vassek 3 on? What about Vebb and the troopers, do we know about their vehicle of arrival?- Added both. I'll also try and get an image for the second subsection.
I'd like you try and rewrite the third paragraph of History so that it's presented from a more omniscient perspective (the reader should know upfront that it was Grievous's fortress that Fisto and Vebb entered).- Is that good? Added another paragraph because it felt like I was restricting the information.
A dictionary gives the meaning of the word "to coerce" as "To pressure, intimidate, or force (someone) into doing something." Are you sure this applies to Dooku's actions? I was under the impression that the Jedi were tricked into traveling to Vassek 3, which doesn't really fall under the definition of someone being "forced", I believe.Imperators II(Talk) 16:45, 20 January 2022 (UTC)- Yeah, I used that word wrong. Erebus Chronus (Talk) 21:48, 21 January 2022 (UTC)
x
Similar to my objection on Vassek system, there are definitely quotes to be found for both the Description and Locations sections.1358 (Talk) 10:53, 4 March 2022 (UTC)- How are those? Erebus Chronus (Talk) 16:25, 6 March 2022 (UTC)
"Locating the tracking beacon from a Republic vessel utilized in Gunray's supposed escape to Vassek's third moon, Fisto landed on the moon's surface in his personal starfighter, where he reunited with his former Padawan, Jedi Knight Nahdar Vebb, and the latter's detachment of clone troopers led by Clone Commander Fil, who had arrived on the natural satellite in a Republic shuttle.[3]" Run-on sentence, needs splitting."A depressing and gloomy structure filled with deadly traps, the looming fortress[1] was also home to Gor, the general's roggwart pet, and was maintained by at least five B1-series battle droids and Grievous's EV-series medical droid, EV-A4-D, who was responsible for carrying out any repairs on Grievous's damaged cybernetics, and protected by several IG-100 MagnaGuard droids.[3]Same with this one. 1358 (Talk) 15:59, 14 March 2022 (UTC)- How are those? Erebus Chronus (Talk) 16:16, 14 March 2022 (UTC)
Lastly, the intro is a bit sparse when compared to the article size. You could probably elaborate slightly on why the engagemang took place (they were tracking Gunray), and then another sentence on the outcome of the engagement.1358 (Talk) 17:34, 14 March 2022 (UTC)- How does that look? Erebus Chronus (Talk) 18:52, 14 March 2022 (UTC)
- I rewrote parts of the expansion to get rid of the double "during" clauses; see if you're okay with it. 1358 (Talk) 17:36, 17 March 2022 (UTC)
- Looks fine. Erebus Chronus (Talk) 17:44, 17 March 2022 (UTC)
- I rewrote parts of the expansion to get rid of the double "during" clauses; see if you're okay with it. 1358 (Talk) 17:36, 17 March 2022 (UTC)
- How does that look? Erebus Chronus (Talk) 18:52, 14 March 2022 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 20:29, 17 March 2022 (UTC)