Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Valance

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Valance

  • Nominated by: Ayrehead02 (talk) 15:32, June 8, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:Another DT ship

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. <-Omicron(Leave a message at the BEEP!) 00:35, June 24, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Good work. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 17:58, June 30, 2013 (UTC)
  3. ACvote IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 01:47, July 4, 2013 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 10:39, July 24, 2013 (UTC)
  5. ACvote How judgmental of the Uhumele crew. :P MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 19:42, July 26, 2013 (UTC)

Object

Moffship
  • Quite frankly, this article could use a lot of work. I've made some edits, but more needs to be done. In the future, before nominating, please make sure you devote the appropriate amount of time to ensuring the article is up to standards.
    • Looking over the article again I can only sincerely apologise for it's quality. I'm not sure what I was doing when I nominated it but apparently I was no were near as focused as I should have been. I'll make every effort to bring it up to the standard it should of been to start with. Ayrehead02 (talk) 00:26, June 9, 2013 (UTC)
  • I suggest you go back to the comic and make sure the quotes are correct. I'm not certain that they currently are, at least in terms of capitalization, italics, etc.
    • Apart from one word I got wrong I can't find any other issues with the quotes unless I've used the wrong dashes. The dashes in the comic are written as -- but I've used this in other articles and been told to change it to what the article currently has. In terms of capitals all letters in the comic are capitalized so I've simply capitalized those that should be grammatically. Ayrehead02 (talk) 00:26, June 9, 2013 (UTC)
      • Can it be determined if "Valance" is italicized in the quotes? (If not, it's still a safe bet to italicize it for the article.) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 23:03, June 9, 2013 (UTC)
  • Context is needed on many items in the intro, such as the Cleansing of New Plympto, the Uhumele, why the Empire was keeping the ships grounded, etc.
    • Added context. It doesn't actually state why the ships are held. Ayrehead02 (talk) 00:26, June 9, 2013 (UTC)
      • I've reworked the intro a bit to improve the flow and make things a little clearer; feel free to adjust it as necessary. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 23:03, June 9, 2013 (UTC)
  • You claim the Valance is a J-type diplomatic barge in the "Description" section, yet you make no mention of this anywhere else. Furthermore, I can tell you from memory that Dark Times 2 does not identify the ship as such.
    • This was a poorly executed last minute addition and I agree is one of the major problems. I noticed the article for the comic itself identified the ship as a J-type and checking the ship article they defiantly match and so I added it. Is the appearance not enough to state that this is the class of ship as we would state a characters species based purely on appearance? Ayrehead02 (talk) 00:26, June 9, 2013 (UTC)
      • While it's possible that the Valance's appearance was inspired by the J-type, a simple side-by-side comparison shows that the ships are quite different from one another: the Valance has fins and other features on its main hull that the J-type lacks, and the placement and design of the Valance's engines are clearly different from those of the J-type. I'd remove any reference to the J-type from the article, since it's speculation to say the Valance was even a modified J-type. However, I would suggest describing the ship's appearance in a bit more detail in the "Description" section. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 23:03, June 9, 2013 (UTC)
        • Removed the J-type link and added a description. Not sure if it is too detailed or not enough and I'll change it if needed. Ayrehead02 (talk) 16:18, June 15, 2013 (UTC)
  • On a related note, as the quote identifies the Valance as a "small freighter," you need to make note of this where relevant.
    • Added to intro and description. Ayrehead02 (talk) 00:26, June 9, 2013 (UTC)
  • I'm going to say two things about the "History" section in general, which may at first appear contradictory but need to be said. First, long paragraphs are rarely a good idea, especially when a whole section is made up of just one, so please break up the current paragraph. Second, as much of the information you present in the "History" section appears either unnecessary or redundant, please condense it to focus more on the Valance and less on the crew of the Uhumele (for example).
    • Shortened and split. Ayrehead02 (talk) 00:26, June 9, 2013 (UTC)
      • I'd still like to see this section condensed a bit. Context is good, but be careful of adding too much context. Also, please be careful of grammar and punctuation use. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 23:03, June 9, 2013 (UTC)
        • Removed a bunh more context to shorten it down. Ayrehead02 (talk) 16:18, June 15, 2013 (UTC)
  • I will perform another review once these objections are handled. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 22:16, June 8, 2013 (UTC)
    • Again I want to apologise for the state of this article an hope it doesn't damage your opinion of me as a contributor. Ayrehead02 (talk) 00:26, June 9, 2013 (UTC)
  • The Cadgel Meadows article claims that the Meadows is the spaceport, whereas you state that the spaceport is merely located in the Meadows. Which is correct?
    • It's not made crystal clear in the comic but there's a line saying "Head to the spaceport at Cadgel Meadows" which suggests there is an are called Cadgel Meadows and within that area there is a spaceport not necessarily of the same name. Ayrehead02 (talk) 11:36, June 21, 2013 (UTC)
  • Second paragraph of History section: You introduce the crew here without mentioning them at all earlier. While I understand that very little is known about the crew, you should introduce them, somehow, earlier in the section.
    • Mentioned in the first paragraph of history. Ayrehead02 (talk) 11:36, June 21, 2013 (UTC)
  • "reason to believe that they would rather inform the Imperials" - who's "they"? Part of the problem here is that you use "crew" to describe the beings of both the Valance and the Uhumele.
    • Ok I've changed the order round and think it's clearer now. Ayrehead02 (talk) 11:36, June 21, 2013 (UTC)
  • "in hopes of protecting themselves from the possible consequences" - also needs to be clarified, but what are the consequences you refer to?
    • It doesn't state any consequences I added that info based on the top quote saying they'd tell the Imperials to put themselves in the clear. I could add Imperial punishment I guess? Ayrehead02 (talk) 11:36, June 21, 2013 (UTC)
  • Perhaps a little more clarification of why Jennir attacked the Valance specifically would be helpful.
    • Added in that he believed they were tight with the Imperials. Ayrehead02 (talk) 11:36, June 21, 2013 (UTC)
  • Remember to proofread your edits before saving. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 22:36, June 19, 2013 (UTC)
Cav
  • I think a little expansion on why the Uhumele wanted to escape would be added, with mention of Jennir's Jedi status. - Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 14:36, July 8, 2013 (UTC)
    • Ok added a little more info. Is that enough? Ayrehead02 (talk) 21:25, July 23, 2013 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 19:42, July 26, 2013 (UTC)