Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Unification Policies

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Unification Policies

(4 ACs/1 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote Yep! Kilson(Let's have a chat) 04:35, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 03:31, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:46, June 8, 2011 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Remember to use the {{Ref}} template for references in the infobox. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 14:44, June 9, 2011 (UTC)
  5. <<Uservote>> ... –Tm_T (Talk) 21:02, June 15, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Kilson
  • First, you need to expand the Intro to beyond one sentence. You should include a brief description of the policies themselves and the ramifications of passing them.
    • I expanded the intro.Cal JediStarForgeSucksGas-KOTOR1 (Personal Comm Channel) 01:28, May 28, 2011 (UTC)
      • You should probably mention the many separatist groups that opposed the policies.
        • Got it.
  • Based off previously passed Law articles, you should create a Description section. It would likely be made up of the second half of the first paragraph and the first sentence of the second paragraph of the History section. If you need help with this, I can lend a hand.
    • I can use any help I can get.:P Thanks.Cal JediStarForgeSucksGas-KOTOR1 (Personal Comm Channel) 01:29, May 28, 2011 (UTC)
      • I think I got it all. How does it look?Cal JediStarForgeSucksGas-KOTOR1 (Personal Comm Channel) 02:16, May 28, 2011 (UTC)
        • One thing, the last sentence of the section should probably be moved back into the History section.
          • Got it.
            • When I said moved back into the History section, I didn't mean at the top. :P Please try to put this in a chronological order, as in following the part about the New Sith Wars.
              • I think I got it in the right order.Cal JediStarForgeSucksGas-KOTOR1 (Personal Comm Channel) 14:06, June 1, 2011 (UTC)
                • To put it in chronological order, you want to mention when they were first proposed, such as, "They were first proposed following the New Sith Wars, which ended with the Seventh Battle of Ruusan in 1000 BBY." Then you can mention the separatists movements in the next sentence. Also, you shouldn't refer to Unification Policies as "They." Replace they with Unification Policies. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 22:27, June 2, 2011 (UTC)
                  • Ok does that look better?Cal JediStarForgeSucksGas-KOTOR1 (Personal Comm Channel) 20:36, June 3, 2011 (UTC)
                    • I meant putting the History section in chronological order, not the Description section. What you had before in the Description section was fine. I want you to change the History section. 21:32, June 3, 2011 (UTC)
  • You must also give context on "Ruusan Reformation" in the History section.
  • Explain why Bane was working behind the scenes with the separatist groups. (Hint: Because he distract the Republic from the existence of the Sith)
  • Could you explain how the separatist groups opposed the policies "in vain"? Why were they unsuccessful?
  • In the Bts, you say the policies were mentioned in Rule of Two, but in the Appearances list, you say they appeared in the novel. Which is it?
  • Maybe more to come later. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 02:31, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
  • You added a lot of POV terms, such as "an unbelievable tactic" and "the brave efforts". Please remove these.
  • You also have a lot of short, choppy sentences. Try combining these to make the article flow and read better. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 04:37, May 28, 2011 (UTC)
  • "One particular event happened on the planet Serenno where Darth Bane's apprentice, Darth Zannah, worked to get the Anti-Republic Liberation Front to perform a kidnapping. She convinced them to kidnap former Supreme Chancellor Tarsus Valorum, but one member of this group, a man by the name of Paak, was against this idea. Yet he hated the Unification Policies so much, he eventually went along with the idea. They attempted to kidnap the former Chancellor, but were stopped by Jedi Knight Johun Othone." There's several things wrong with this area.
    • First, saying that the event was "particular" is slightly POVish. You should say instead, "one such event..."
    • You say Zannah made the Anti-Republic Liberation Front to perform the kidnapping, but she actually made a small Anti-Republic Liberation Front cell attempt the kidnapping, not the organization as a whole.
    • You never mention the date of the kidnapping, making sound like it took place in 1000 BBY, when in fact it took place in 990 BBY.
    • Also, the sentence structure is still odd. "...worked to get the Anti-Republic Liberation Front to perform a kidnapping. She convinced them to kidnap former Supreme Chancellor Tarsus Valorum..." You should combine the sentence by saying, "worked to get the Anti-Republic Liberation Front to perform a kidnapping of former Supreme Chancellor Tarsus Valorum." You should then take that section about Paak and combine it with the next sentence.
    • Finally, when you say, "They attempted to kidnap the former Chancellor," it makes it sound like Zannah and the cell attempted to capture Valorum, when it was just the cell that tried to capture him.
    • I think I got them all.Cal JediStarForgeSucksGas-KOTOR1 (Personal Comm Channel) 14:02, June 1, 2011 (UTC)
  • I'll continue after you have addressed these. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 05:38, May 29, 2011 (UTC)
Jujiggum
  • Why don't you mention the rise of many separatist groups in the result field in the infobox?
  • "Seeing how brutal the Ruusan campaign had been…" Is there a less awkward way to start off the main body of the article? Also, Ruusan campaign neds to be given context and linked.
    • This is just extremely poor wording. I usually dislike making objections like this, but I feel that this falls under GA rule 1 regarding articles must be well-written. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 18:05, June 5, 2011 (UTC)
      • I reworded it a little. Does it look better?Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 02:17, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
        • That's a little better (although you have a typo and two grammar mistakes), but now a few things aren't very clear to me. Firstly, why do you mention that the campaign was long and brutal? What do you mean by "fallen away"? How can star systems "fall away" in space? Also, you've now erased the connection between the Ruusan campaign and Valorum's reasoning for creating the policies. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 14:57, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
          • I fixed it a little. Hopefully it looks better. Sorry it hasn't been looking too good, but with trying to keep this taken care of and finishing school my brain is starting to shrivel.:):P Plus I'll look for the typo and the grammar mistakes. Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 03:04, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
            • This is much, much better. The coherency and flow is acceptable now, so I've gone ahead and sofixited the rest. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 03:31, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
  • Linking as a whole is very messy. Lots of links are out of order, or just missing altogether.
    • This remains; but instead of underlinking, you have mostly overlinking now. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 18:05, June 5, 2011 (UTC)
      • I took out the reappearing links.Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 02:25, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
        • Still a few missing links left. I'll fix these myself if you can't find them, but I'd much rather you took the time to figure these out. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 14:57, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
          • I think I got them. If I remember the rules correctly, you're supposed to link something once in the infobox, once in the intro, and once in the main body. If I missed any let me know.Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 03:25, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
            • You understand the rules correctly, but there were still several various mistakes. Check out my copy-edit to see what you missed. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 03:31, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
  • The Seventh Battle of Ruusan is conjecturally titled, so please don't use that full name here in the article. Maybe instead just say the "final" battle of Ruusan or something similar.
  • "Because many groups…" What kind of "groups"?
  • Your use of "groups" becomes very repetitive.
  • "Idea" is also repetitive used so close together.
  • Please remove the references from the BTS, because the two statements you have there are self-referencing statements that make the refs redundant.
  • Are there no other relevant quotes?
    • Umm... I'll have to check.Cal JediStarForgeSucksGas-KOTOR1 (Personal Comm Channel) 21:16, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
      • I don't own Darth Bane: Rule of Two, so I can't check any more quotes right away. But I can put another quote referring to the Ruusan Reformation, if you think it would help.Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 02:28, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
        • I don't know how relevant such a quote would be. What exactly did you have in mind? Also, I would suggest asking around for someeone who does have a copy of Rule of Two available to check for more relevant quotes. Furthermore, if you don't have a copy yourself, how can you be certain that you aren't missing information? Please find someone with a copy and make sure that you aren't missing anything, too. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 14:57, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
          • Yea, your right I can't really find any relevant quotes about the Ruusan Reformation. I got Rule of Two out of the library, but I had to take it back. But I'm checking into getting a copy, besides asking anyone if they have a copy. Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 03:07, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
            • Gotcha, no problem. Since you do have a main quote, I'll go ahead and strike this for now, although that's with the understanding that you'll take care of this as soon as you can. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 03:31, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
  • Possibly more to come. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 22:16, June 3, 2011 (UTC)
Tm
  • Prolly this is the only one, and as I believe this doesn't fall under sofixit, here we go... timeframe, like a year to intro? –Tm_T (Talk) 21:32, June 11, 2011 (UTC)
    • I'm sorry, but could you please explain a little clearer?Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 21:03, June 14, 2011 (UTC)
      • Very sorry, forgot to reply to earlier poking... I mean in the article body you mention year 1000 BBY twice, but I couldn't locate anything as good time context in the intro. After rereading the article few times, I don't think this is essential but more something what I atleast like to have, so the events in the article are easily placed to the timeline. –Tm_T (Talk) 04:03, June 15, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 21:04, June 15, 2011 (UTC)


  • Please remember to archive your CA nomination before taking the article to the GAN. My God, we need a flashing neon sign for this... NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 16:48, May 26, 2011 (UTC)