Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Unidentified Nightbrother village

< Wookieepedia:Good article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Unidentified Nightbrother village

  • Nominated by: AmazinglyCool CIS roundel (talk) 21:10, 28 November 2021 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:
  • WookieeProject (optional):

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)

Support

  1. ALMOST voted as an EC lol Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 06:52, 10 March 2022 (UTC)
  2. Nicely done.— Samonic ChissAscendancyCanonSymbol 10:19, 6 April 2022 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Nice job with the objections. 1358 (Talk) 19:28, 6 June 2022 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Make sure to apply what you've learnt here to future nominations. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 07:20, 9 June 2022 (UTC)
  5. ACvote MasterFredCommerce Guild(talk) (he/him) 21:34, 27 June 2022 (UTC)

Object

Ecks
  • The intro starts off really repetitive. You don't need to say a village is a village. Furthermore, you could expand the intro with a sentence or two with content from the History section.
    • Removed repetition in the intro and added an extra sentence.
  • As the body of the article is independent from the introduction, you can't start the Description section with "It was built [...]".
    • Fixed.
  • Are there no applicable quotes?
    • Added a couple quotes.
  • The infobox says the village was destroyed after 19 BBY, but the article itself doesn't mention any destruction. 1358 (Talk) 20:54, 22 January 2022 (UTC)
    • This village is not the one mentioned as being destroyed in the infobox, and is instead the prior village. AmazinglyCool CIS roundel (talk) 00:23, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
  • "The clan and their domesticated bane back spiders lived and trained." I'm not sure what this sentence is supposed to say. Is there a missing word or something?
    • Reworked the sentence
  • "In the waning years of the Galactic Republic, Order 66 survivor Jedi Master Taron Malicos crash landed on the planet, becoming entangled with the affairs of the clan." What's the significance of this? Did the Jedi visit the village during his stay on the planet? Clarification is needed.
    • Added more for clarification
  • The village being located on Dathomir needs to be mentioned in the description, and you probably should mention Dathomir's location in the Outer Rim there as well.
    • Added.
      • Just checking, can its location in the Outer Rim be sourced to Fallen Order? 1358 (Talk) 15:57, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
        • Wasn't sure so I sourced it to a different source. AmazinglyCool CIS roundel (talk) 19:54, 24 January 2022 (UTC)
  • All references are treated as independent entities and need to be fully linked as applicable. 1358 (Talk) 09:39, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
  • Check your image caption punctuation.
    • Fixed.
      • Good catch there, but I was actually referring to the full stop at the end. Only full sentences get a period at the end. 1358 (Talk) 22:37, 1 February 2022 (UTC)
  • The infobox claims the village was built in 19 BBY, but the body does not actually say that; it only mentions that the prior village was destroyed in 19 BBY. 1358 (Talk) 21:29, 26 January 2022 (UTC)
  • The first sentence of the intro is a bit much. You could probably add a full stop after mentioning Dathomir and then slightly expand the resulting new sentence with something descriptive (maybe mention it was built into the cliffs or something).
    • The current sentence structure implies Malicos was built into the cliffs. If you can't make it work with the description part, you can just expand the intro with some additional detail from the History section. If I may suggest, you could have a complete intro sentence - maybe the second one - dedicated to describing the village (i.e. it was built into the cliffs and domesticated spiders hung out here, just like in the prior version you removed). 1358 (Talk) 18:58, 10 April 2022 (UTC)
      • I split up the sentence into two separate sentences. AmazinglyCool CIS roundel (talk) 19:39, 10 April 2022 (UTC)
  • The Description section in general has very short, choppy sentences. Please see if you can do some merging and rewording for better flow.
  • The second paragraph of the History section has some confusing parts where it's not very clear who is being referred to. Did the Nightbrothers plot to kill Merrin or the ex-Jedi? Was it Viscus or the ex-Jedi who was killed? Please go through the entire paragraph and check for instances like this where clarification is needed.
  • Given you have four paragraphs in the History section - two related to Malicos and two to Kestis - you can subsection the History section and add more quotes and possibly images as appropriate. 1358 (Talk) 09:06, 30 March 2022 (UTC)
    • Adressed objections. AmazinglyCool CIS roundel (talk) 21:03, 30 March 2022 (UTC)
      • Please see if you can find a more relevant image for the second section, which does not talk about Malicos at all. 1358 (Talk) 18:58, 10 April 2022 (UTC)
  • "Inside the village, homes lined with Dathomirian Glyphs were carved into the side of the rock walls, wooden cages hung from the ceiling, and torches lit up the village." Did wooden cages hang from the ceiling of village homes, or from the ceiling of the village? If it's the former, that needs to be clarified. If it's the latter, then that also needs to be rewritten for clarity - because then the latter half of the sentence isn't really related to the first half at all. 1358 (Talk) 18:58, 10 April 2022 (UTC)
  • A sentence on Kestis' adventures on Dathomir would be an approriate addition to the currently-short introduction.
    • You now have two consecutive sentences that start with "While trying". 1358 (Talk) 20:08, 26 April 2022 (UTC)
  • No quotes for the Description section?
  • Do we know what Kestis is doing on Dathomir to begin with? Is the Tomb of Kujet his goal? If so, that piece of context should probably be moved to a slightly earlier point.
  • "He used the Force ability of Psychometry to learn the story of Malicos and the Nightbrothers." When does he do this? Before or after leaving the village? Right now it comes out of the blue. 1358 (Talk) 16:12, 18 April 2022 (UTC)
    • Addressed objections. There are no quotes detailing the description of the village. AmazinglyCool CIS roundel (talk) 22:41, 18 April 2022 (UTC)
  • The Jedi crash occurring during the "waning era of the Galactic Republic" is currently intro-exclusive. Furthermore, can we really be sure that it occurred during the Republic's reign and not after the Proclamation of a New Order? 1358 (Talk) 17:36, 19 May 2022 (UTC)
    • Since the game just states that he was crash-landed while running from Order 66, dont know if it was during or after and thus I have edited the article to reflect this. AmazinglyCool CIS roundel (talk) 02:01, 21 May 2022 (UTC)
  • Last objection, hopefully. You have two consecutive sentences in the second paragraph of "Visit by Cal Kestis" that start out identically, with "He then". Can you reword one of them for some variation? 1358 (Talk) 19:17, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
Manoof
  • Spiders are infobox and intro exclusive Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 12:28, 8 March 2022 (UTC)
  • Missing the fact it had a drawbridge and a narrow stone door that could be closed to prevent intruders Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 12:28, 8 March 2022 (UTC)
  • Should note that Cal Entered the village by climbing into the dungeon via the underside of the bridge Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 12:28, 8 March 2022 (UTC)
  • There's a couple of force echoes and I think you can get more detail around Malicos' origin as revealed by those echoes. eg in the dungeon, some nightbrothers contemplated killing the captive Malicos for the number of brothers he killed but ultimately decided to take him to Viscus. Also that Merrin warned of caution when they went to investigate the crash, sensing danger.
  • Also should note that, as Kestis explored the village searching for a route back to the surface, he used this force power in X areas of the village. Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 12:28, 8 March 2022 (UTC)
  • Should note that the nightbrothers engaged Kestis in battle and were defeated, "Kestis eventually found himself at the village, passing through and continuing his journey." gives the impression he just walked through unchallenged Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 12:28, 8 March 2022 (UTC)
  • Review note: I was going to object regarding the 1st ref but figured tweaking it myself would probably be less confusing. Just make sure you're ok with it. Watched some of the trailers and man got some chills, this was such a great game! Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 12:28, 8 March 2022 (UTC)
    • Adressed objections. I love this game as well and I can't wait for the sequel! AmazinglyCool CIS roundel (talk) 21:44, 8 March 2022 (UTC)
      • You can mention that Cal gained insight to Malicos' capture using force Psychometry whilst in the village, maybe after defeating the brothers. Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 12:36, 9 March 2022 (UTC)
  • Remember to avoid the first names of characters, you've a Taron in History's second paragraph Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 12:36, 9 March 2022 (UTC)
  • Mix up the references to the characters a bit, for example you use "Malicos" a few times in the second paragraph of the history section. Should also mention that Malicos fell to the dark side, so you can then say "the former jedi" or something similar Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 12:36, 9 March 2022 (UTC)
  • The last three sentences in that second paragraph also have a similar sentence structure (Malicos did a thing), can you mix it up a bit? Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 12:36, 9 March 2022 (UTC)
  • The last paragraph of the History section is beefy, feel free to split it Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 12:36, 9 March 2022 (UTC)
  • If you move the first image to the left, you can probably get a second image to the right with the last paragraph in History. You've a few options like Cal, a spider, Malicos, nightbrothers, have a think what you want :) Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 12:36, 9 March 2022 (UTC)
UberSoldat
  • Please check if the village is featured in these videos and add to Sources/update BTS as necessary. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 15:25, 2 May 2022 (UTC)
    • I have checked, the village is pictured in none of the videos.
  • Date of creation is infobox exclusive. Not only that, another note is used for the same date and event. Please use the same note for both instances.
    • Article body still doesn't say the village was built in the same year.
      • Have now added that information.
  • "While trying to reach the Zeffo Tomb of Kujet, Jedi Padawan Cal Kestis found himself knocked into the depths of Dathomir. On a journey to make his way back to the tomb, he passed through the village and learned the story of Malicos and the Nightbrothers." Both of these sentences start with the same point, please reword.
  • The Force Echoes are optional content, meaning that {{Gamemechanics}} is warranted here. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 16:08, 2 May 2022 (UTC)
  • JFO doesn't provide any dates, so Order 66 taking place in the same year needs a note. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 08:49, 4 May 2022 (UTC)
  • There is no mention of Viscus' clan or Dathomirian Zabraks in the body, and thus no context for the Nightbrothers. UberSoldat93 ClanMudhornSignet-Redemption (talk) 09:11, 7 June 2022 (UTC)
Fred strikes back
  • "Brought to Brother Viscus..." Who brought Malicos to Viscus? Seems a bit odd that they'd have captured them seeing as he easily kills so many of them. I don't really remember if the game clarifies at all, but if it does, we should, as well.
  • In "Visit by Cal Kestis," you use the phrase "into the depths of Dathomir" twice in the same sentence. Please vary the wording. MasterFredCommerce Guild(talk) (he/him) 21:43, 20 June 2022 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 21:34, 27 June 2022 (UTC)