Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Tuzes-Adaz

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Tuzes-Adaz

  • Nominated by: MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 03:55, August 15, 2018 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: More Clone Wars goodness.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. #Bring Back Tartakovsky's Clone Wars instead of TCW! QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 11:07, August 25, 2018 (UTC)

Object

Ecks Dee
  • Right now your Biography and P/T sections start out with identical wording. Seeing as you mention both the gender and species in the Bio, I'd say you can leave it out from the P/T. 1358 (Talk) 10:19, August 21, 2018 (UTC)
pls
  • "Tuzes-Adaz was a female Nelvaanian and chieftain of the village Rokrul on the Outer Rim planet Nelvaan during the final years of the Galactic Republic. During the Clone Wars between the Republic and the Confederacy of Independent Systems," I never cared for this. Why do you say "during the final years of the Galactic Republic" and later state "During the Clone Wars"? Why not just say "during the Clone Wars" in the first sentence and then give us a specific year in the next? CMON FRD.
  • Objection(s) overridden by AgriCorps 20:48, September 3, 2018 (UTC)
    • Done.
      • Another issue came up: You list a specific year in the intro, but then fail to mention it in the bio. I don't have access to any specific reference guide at the moment to check, but could you quickly look up the chronological order of the original Clone Wars timeline to make sure everything is up to snuff? JangFett (Talk) 14:02, August 23, 2018 (UTC)
        • The date actually is mentioned in the bio. It's in the second paragraph, as it doesn't actually pertain to the events in the first paragraph. I relocated the date in the intro, however, so that it's only applied to the appropriate information. MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 23:22, August 23, 2018 (UTC)
  • "When the chieftain discovered the Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker after the two interrupted her son's initiation ritual," wat
  • Objection(s) overridden by AgriCorps 20:48, September 3, 2018 (UTC)
    • I'm not sure what's wrong. That's exactly what happened. I've replaced "discovered" with "encountered," but I'm not entirely sure what it is you want it to say.
      • Now the introduction says "encountered" and the bio says "discovered." The word choices just seem odd here. I was referring to the writing of the sentence itself, which is why I objected to it in the first place. Do you mean she caught the Jedi snooping around? "Encountered" and "Discovered" can have different meanings given the context. "Encountered" could mean she was expecting them and "discovered" could be she caught them spying. Pls fix. JangFett (Talk) 14:02, August 23, 2018 (UTC)
        • In that case, I believe "discovered" is a better word, as they were wandering through the forest and she happened upon them when they killed the horax her son was hunting. MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 23:22, August 23, 2018 (UTC)
  • "Her choice proved wise, as Skywalker went on to defeat the Techno Union and destroy the facility, ending the draining of the planet's geothermic energy." This seems like a jump in logic to me. First she brought them then her choice proved wise? I think you need to mention what she did after she brought them back to make this make sense. While it may increase the word count of the intro, you can, on the other hand, reduce the number of words by making sense of the chronological of events. Does this make sense?
    • She didn't really do anything other than bring them to Orvos, which is already mentioned, but I added the bit about his prophecy to show her logic behind the decision.
  • Bio- "a galaxy-spanning conflict between the Republic and the secessionist Confederacy of Independent Systems" At this point, it's widely known what the Clone Wars was, so any context given to it is pretty much filler.
    • Removed.
  • Could you neutralize "a very critical decision"?
    • Reworded. Is that better?
  • dat Frd tho JangFett (Talk) 19:33, August 21, 2018 (UTC)
  • Is there another word you could use in lieu of "off-worlder"? I see one instance in the intro and later in the bio. JangFett (Talk) 14:02, August 23, 2018 (UTC)
  • Objection(s) overridden by AgriCorps 20:48, September 3, 2018 (UTC)
    • That's the word used in the sources. Were you looking for more varied wording or for the term to be replaced altogether? MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 23:22, August 23, 2018 (UTC)
QGJ
  • Can you trim the intro a bit? I think it's a bit too long for an article this brief.
    • Done.
  • Both in the intro and in the bio, please establish that she had a son earlier on.
    • Done.
  • Grey DeLisle is credited as having voiced a "Nelvaniaan" in the episode. Did she voice Tuzes-Adas or could this refer to another Nelvaniaan? QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 14:29, August 24, 2018 (UTC)
    • If I am understanding correctly, she voiced the son, the child who says, "Apu!" and the female villager in Anakin's vision in the cave. MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 17:56, August 24, 2018 (UTC)
Ayrehead
  • I feel as though you should expand the end of the bio slightly to at least make clear she was at the reunion. Ayrehead02 (talk) 19:19, September 2, 2018 (UTC)
Thank you, come again
  • Could we get some context on the Techno Union please? It may not be clear to some readers who they are and who's side they were on in the clone wars.
  • Wouldn't it make more sense to pipelink to the Great Mother in the into, instead of just deity? Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 15:58, September 7, 2018 (UTC)

Comments

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

  1. ACvote Idle objection past 10 days. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 01:11, September 13, 2018 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Exiled Jedi (talk) 02:05, September 13, 2018 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Imperators II(Talk) 05:51, September 13, 2018 (UTC)