Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Tar

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Tar

Nominated by: Braha'tok enthusiast ^{(Hello there)} 06:48, May 5, 2020 (UTC)
Nomination comments: With Mishru now a GA, I'm happy to nominate his twin in narrative.

(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)

~~Some context for Tar's "master" would be helpful.~~
- "He recruited others, like Tar and Mishru, men he had fought against before they lost their own masters." (quote may not be grammatically correct but I can confirm that's how it goes) That's the only info I have I'm afraid. Braha'tok enthusiast ^{(Hello there)} 09:23, May 5, 2020 (UTC)
"Namir blamed the Empire for their deaths, using this as his reason when he subsequently joined the Sixty-First a week after the battle." I think you should elaborate more on this sentence. How was he recruited into the unit? Who listened to his story? UberSoldat93 (talk) 08:59, May 5, 2020 (UTC)
- How's this look? Braha'tok enthusiast ^{(Hello there)} 09:23, May 5, 2020 (UTC)
  - Good enough. UberSoldat93 (talk) 09:25, May 5, 2020 (UTC)

"After his master was lost, Tar hid the brand that symbolised his former faction and robbed passersby in the streets." Does the source imply he fought in the wars mentioned in the earlier sentence? If so, you should probably make it clear that he did. Also, did he start robbing passersby after hiding the brand? Or did he do that all time?
~~"who were ready to stop the fighting in the reoccurring wars on the planet.[2]" Just clarifying, were they ready to stop fighting or stop the fighting?~~ 1358 ^(Talk) 19:12, May 22, 2020 (UTC)
- Fixed both. Braha'tok enthusiast ^{(Hello there)} 20:23, May 22, 2020 (UTC)

I know this is a small article, but I think the intro can be beefed up slightly. Most importantly, I think the rebels' role in the battle can be mentioned, seeing as they were the ones to kill this guy (well, kinda).
- Added some more info. Braha'tok enthusiast ^{(Hello there)} 20:19, May 23, 2020 (UTC)
"a band of other soldiers who were ready to stop fighting in the reoccurring wars on the planet." - Just checking, but this currently suggests the group became pacifists by not fighting, which kinda goes against their later actions with the Empire. Do you maybe mean "to stop the reoccurring wars" altogether? Tommy-Macaroni 17:45, May 23, 2020 (UTC)
- "Hazram's band had been nearly a dozen in total, soldiers who were ready to stop drifting from war to war." and then it goes straight to the Empire recruiting them. From the looks of it they saw the Empire as an exception. Braha'tok enthusiast ^{(Hello there)} 20:19, May 23, 2020 (UTC)

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 19:56, May 24, 2020 (UTC)