Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Stinger (clone trooper)

< Wookieepedia:Good article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Stinger (clone trooper)

  • Nominated by: Talrrivanian JaingHead (Headquarters) 14:20, August 23, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Yes, yet another clone from the Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth book. You should really check out that book if you havn't already. There is not a quote available.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:12, September 6, 2011 (UTC)
  2. Try to remember what we discussed below JangFett (Talk) 16:21, October 7, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Ecks Dee
  • Please give the article a copyedit. I see some links to redirects and some other small mistakes that you should've learned to watch out for by now. 1358 (Talk) 09:50, August 28, 2011 (UTC)
    • See if that is better.--Talrrivanian JaingHead (Headquarters) 11:16, August 28, 2011 (UTC)
      • Please take a look at the second-to-last sentence of the bio. There is an obvious mistake there (hint: capitalization).
        • Oops, better?
          • Nope. 1358 (Talk) 18:09, September 17, 2011 (UTC)
            • Is this the sentence you mean: Skywalker felt his brief pain and anger in The force as he died.? do you mean the force?
              • Yes. Please fix the capitalization fail there. 1358 (Talk) 11:11, September 25, 2011 (UTC)
                • Sorry, fixed.
  • ~You have a weird category, clone trooper variants? 1358 (Talk) 19:19, August 31, 2011 (UTC)
    • Oops again. Fixed.
  • Check your heading capitalization. 1358 (Talk) 18:09, September 17, 2011 (UTC)
    • Well that was careless.
Lee attacks
  • Intro and bio: one of the many battles for the planet Kothlis during the Clone Wars: As we only know two battles during the Clone Wars, please change "many".
    • Fixed.
  • Please make it a little bit more clearer that the Republic (and therefore Stinger) are fighting the Separatists and Grievous is one of them.
    • Uh, I state that the Republic are defending Kothlis from an attack of the seperatists led by grievous in both the intro and bio. How much clearer can i get?
      • Mention that the Seperatists are at war with the Republic. Currently it sounds that "Separatist" stands not for a faction as it it only mentioned in context to Grievous. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:06, September 2, 2011 (UTC)
        • Mentioned.
  • Also, I would like to see that you give the date of the battle a little bit earlier. As it stands, it sounds like the battle and Stinger's death are two seperate events.
    • Better?
      • Please make it chronological. 1) pilot in Arrow Squadron 2) the battle 3) death in battle Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:06, September 2, 2011 (UTC)
        • Ok?
  • Stinger flew out with the rest of his squadron to meet the swarm of enemy droid fighters, led by Jedi General Anakin Skywalker: Souns like Skywalker led the droids. Please reword.
    • Reworded.
  • Stinger was blown from the sky: I though the battle was in space?
    • Fixed.
  • Stinger was a loyal clone trooper pilot: Was it explecitely stated that he was loyal? Otherwise this is an unverified info. You can say for example that he was well trained, but nevertheless killed.
    • Fixed.
  • Please mention the books title and the publicitation date in the BtS.
  • Otherwise nice work on an interesting clone from a good novel. Clone Commander Lee Talk 09:38, August 31, 2011 (UTC)
    • Thank you.
Jangston
  • I shouldn't have to repeat myself everytime I review one of your articles. Please reload the infobox.
    • You're right, you shouldn't. I will try to pay more attention in the future.
  • Context for Arrow Squadron in the intro
    • Added.
      • Please take a look at my correction. JangFett (Talk) 02:42, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
  • "in one of the battles for the planet Kothlis during the Clone Wars against the Confederacy of Independent Systems who the Galactic Republic were currently at war with." It is not accurate to say "one of the battles," even if the battle you're referring to is conjectural titled. Please be more specific and say "a battle on Kothlis" or something along those lines.
    • Specified.
  • The date itself should be 21 BBY, not around 21 BBY. After you correct the infobox, please see if you mentioned the date in the intro and bio.
    • Fixed.
  • "against the Confederacy of Independent Systems who the Galactic Republic were currently at war with." This part of the unwieldy sentence alone does not make much sense. As it stands, it would be better off to explain that the Kothlis battle was a Confederate invasion because it's more accurate.
    • Explained.
  • "In 21 BBY, Stinger fought in a battle for Kothlis which proved harder than first expected because General Grievous—the Seperatist leading the attack — produced a new weapon to use against the Galactic Republic." Again, please specify which battle you're referring to because we don't know what other battle you're describing if you're saying this battle is harder because of Grievous' weapon.
    • Specified.
      • It remained but I took care of it. Please be careful in the future. JangFett (Talk) 02:42, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
  • "This weapon jammed all equipment for the Republic except tightbeam helmet comms." This sentence can be merged with the previous sentence that's saying Grievous used a new weapon because this context for it and it doesn't need to be a separate sentence.
    • Merged.
      • It remained but I took care of it. Please be careful in the future. JangFett (Talk) 02:42, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
  • "Stinger was shot down by several Vulture droids during a space battle over the planet before Skywalker could destroy them." Since you did not describe more of Stinger or Arrow Squadron's main objectives in the intro, except describing other events of the battle, this sentence currently does not make any sense. Please see what you can do to cut back on the detail not relating to Stinger and expand more of his role during the battle, even if it's minor. This is his article, not the battle's.
    • Done.
      • "Stinger was shot down by several Vulture droids during the space battle over the planet while trying to destroy the Confederate fleet before Skywalker could come to his aid." While I rewritten parts of the intro, I shouldn't fix everything. Please take a good look at this sentence and see what you can reword. Shortening this sentence would help as well. JangFett (Talk) 02:42, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
        • I believe I took care of it now.
  • Context on Arrow Squadron in the bio as well
    • Fixed.
  • The issue regarding "one of the battles of Kothlis" is present in the bio as well. Please see what you can do to fix this.
    • Fixed.
  • "Losing this planet would be a hard loss for the Republic, and a great win for the Separatists because of the Bothan Spynet which provided information for the Republic. It would tip the scale of the war between the two parties in the favor of the Separatists if they were to capture it."' What does this have anything to do with Stinger? Unless he was apart of a discussion with others regarding this, this is irrelevant fluff and needs to be removed.
    • Removed.
  • "Skywalker felt his brief pain and anger in The Force as he died. In a rage, the Jedi flew off to destroy more fighters before he lost more men." I really don't see any relevance to shift the pov to Anakin. In the P&T, you can explain that Stinger's pain and anger was felt by Anakin via in the Force, but other than that it has no place in the bio.
    • Explained in the P&T.
  • P&T-"He was one of the many pilots that Jedi General Anakin Skywalker had deep feelings for." This sentence could be rewritten with what I pointed out above.
    • Rewrote.
  • As a side note, please watch your spelling. In the article alone, you spelled "Separatist" as "Seperatist" numerous times. If you have trouble with your spelling in the future, it would be best to copy and paste your work in Microsoft Word or any word processing program to check. If you use Firefox, the browser has a built-in spell checker. As for formatting—if you're going to pipe-link links in any article, please be sure to place the "s" or any word remaining outside of the brackets within them. I.e, [[Cloning/Legends|clone]]s should be [[Cloning/Legends|clones]]. JangFett (Talk) 14:37, October 4, 2011 (UTC)
    • I will try to be more carefull, and thanks for the review JangFett.--Talrrivanian JaingHead (Headquarters) 10:53, October 5, 2011 (UTC)
      • I did see another instance of the bracket issue during my second copy-edit. Please try to be more careful in the future. Double checking your work before submitting will help you. JangFett (Talk) 02:42, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
Moffship
  • I'd recommend shortening the intro somewhat, as it can be condensed in some places.
  • "...a battle to protect the planet Kothlis under the command of Jedi General Anakin Skywalker." - The current wording here implies that Kothlis was directly under Skywalker's command.
  • "...when the Republic fleet received the order..." - What Republic fleet? You only mentioned one Star Destroyer.
  • Please make it clear in the bio that Grievous's "new weapon" was a computer virus.
  • That's all for now. Good work. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 18:34, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

  • If you don't already have this in your monobook.css, add a.mw-redirect { color: orange; } to make links to redirects appear orange. If you want it a different color, just replace "orange" with whatever color you want. Hope that helps. :) MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 14:04, September 23, 2011 (UTC)
  • I will be on vacation for seven days and will not be able to handle any objections during that time. Someone else will have to fill in. Thank you.--Talrrivanian JaingHead (Headquarters) 19:19, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

  1. ACvote Idle objections eligible for removal. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:08, October 23, 2011 (UTC)
  2. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 02:09, October 23, 2011 (UTC)
  3. ACvote—Tommy 9281 Sunday, October 23, 2011, 02:25 UTC