Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Squalls

< Wookieepedia:Good article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Squalls

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 15:15, January 8, 2019 (UTC)
  2. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 13:11, January 15, 2019 (UTC)

Object

Anil
QGJ
  • Bio should be split into two subsections.
  • Can you add released dates for the sources mentioned in the Bts? QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:05, January 8, 2019 (UTC)
    • Done for both. Just included the years for the sources. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 04:06, January 9, 2019 (UTC)
      • Can you find a better spot for a section break? While it currently works story-wise to place it here, in terms of presentation it doesn't look nice to have one small section and one giant one. The main concern here is to try to make the sections somewhat even in length, so that they look presentable in the Oasis skin. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 09:40, January 10, 2019 (UTC)
        • I think I made the layout better now. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 15:21, January 10, 2019 (UTC)
  • This feels a bit run-on. Can you split this sentence? In 4 ABY, the Alliance planned to attack the Galactic Empire's second Death Star battlestation orbiting the Forest Moon of Endor, and Squalls served as a demolition expert in the strike team assembled to go to the moon and deactivate the Death Star's protective SLD-26 planetary shield generator.
  • Overall, the bio does not seem to focus on Squalls too much. It's always "the strike team," "the squad," etc. I realize that there's not that much info on this guy, but you can at least say "Squalls and the rest of the strike team." Bring up his name once in a while.
  • Not sure that the last sentence of the Bts is even needed. If the Fact File does not present any continuity issues and just mentions the character, there's no need to list it. It's just regurgitating the Sources list.
  • The character is listed in Category:Technicians, but I don't see Technician/Legends linked anywhere.
  • Aren't there any quotes that can be added to the article? For example, I think the lead quote here can be used for the first bio subsection, since it describes the goal of Squalls' team. It's at least somewhat relevant, for lack of anything better.
  • Also, one more image at the start of the bio would be nice. An image of the DS II or the deflector shield generator or something similar would suffice. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 18:44, January 12, 2019 (UTC)
    • All addressed. The category was just my oversight, and I added one more reference to Squalls by name in one of the paragraphs. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 02:44, January 13, 2019 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • For starters, the story "Night Attack" should not be considered an "indirect appearance" for this character, primarily because it's not an appearance. The story is being recounted in person between Bren Derlin and Voren Na'al, so if anything it's an "indirect mention." But since it's being downgraded from appearance to mention, I think it should just be removed from the Appearances list, because why list this story in the Appearances/Sources but not every other source that mentions the strike team? I still believe there is justification to recount some of its events in the Biography, but it just doesn't need to be listed in the Appearances. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 01:33, February 9, 2019 (UTC)
  • Since the Galaxy Guides are effectively in-universe literature created by Voren Na'al, they are fair game for quotes. You could add the line from GG5 mentioning Squalls as the article's main quote with the caption "From the writings of Rebel Alliance historian Voren Na'al" Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 00:17, February 10, 2019 (UTC)
  • I'd rather see the article body use images more applicable to the strike team to indirectly illustrate what Squalls was doing. For the first subsection, isn't there a quick shot where we see the strike team filing out of the shuttle and down the trail right around the time Han directs them to meet at the shield bunker? That could be one option for there. For the second subsection, there's File:Endorsoldiers.png, of course, or maybe even this? Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 02:38, February 10, 2019 (UTC)
    • Replaced both images with actual strike team pics. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 07:32, February 10, 2019 (UTC)
  • Now I'd like to see you do the same with the article body's quotes. I figure these are the best options for the two Bio subsections:
    • Madine: "We have stolen a small Imperial shuttle. Disguised as a cargo ship and using a secret Imperial code, a strike team will land on the moon and deactivate the shield generator." This one does a far superior job of summarizing the text of the first subsection with a more specific focus on the strike team than the Ackbar quote that's there now.
    • Solo: "Take the squad ahead. We'll rendezvous at the shield generator at 0300." Even though the first subsection is technically where this information is being summarized, it's no less germane to the second subsection's events. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 04:06, February 12, 2019 (UTC)
  • Good stuff so far. Now let's get into the meat of the article. The "Rebel Commandos" section of GG5 (I'm looking at the first edition, so you should compare it against the second edition and Movie Trilogy Sourcebook to see if there are any other details) explains that the men selected by Han Solo for the Endor strike team were all Hoth veterans and had been stationed with the fleet, etc., since that battle. This book says there were 11 men under Derlin's command assigned to this team, volunteers all. Evidently, other sources added more than 11 people to the team, but as long as nothing in any of these characters' backgrounds contradicts this information from GG5, I think we should be adding these details to all Endor strike team character articles, including Squalls. I think this means a sizable expansion for both the intro and first Bio subsection. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 03:58, February 13, 2019 (UTC)
    • And done. I had already checked the second edition and Movie Trilogy Sourcebook, and they are simply just repeating the information that's already there. Note that with sourcing the Battle of Hoth 3 ABY date, Squalls isn't mentioned in Leia's Fact File 44 entry, but because it is within the same source itself where Squalls is separately mentioned in the Endor entry, I just slapped on a citation to that source without feeling the need to explain that the Leia entry dates the Hoth battle in which Squalls fought to 3 ABY. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 16:31, February 13, 2019 (UTC)
  • I'd like to see you update the referencing by changing all the GG5 1st edition refs to GG5 2nd edition where applicable. You should be checking both editions to ensure that everything is, in fact, being referenced correctly, rather than just blindly changing these references. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 18:11, May 13, 2019 (UTC)
Fred strikes back
  • In the intro, "By the following year 4 ABY," is redundant. Just pipelink [[4 ABY|the following year]] .
    • Done.
  • Is there a reason for the double referencing near the end of the last paragraph in "Rebel Alliance service and Endor infiltration"?
    • Well I cited the information itself to Return of the Jedi, and as it's not confirmed that Squalls is any of the onscreen extras in that scene or at any point in the film, for the fact I inserted Squalls' name into that text, I cited it to other material that confirmed Squalls was part of the strike team.
  • Please shorten the title of the above section. It's currently too wordy and makes the TOC look unpleasantly large.
    • See the above change.
  • We use Oxford commas around here. Check my change to the last sentence of the P&T section. MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 03:52, May 5, 2019 (UTC)
Tommy
  • The thermal detonators mentioned in the top quote are not mentioned in the body. The history section says the explosives used to destroy the generator were proton grenades, so were thermal detonators used in tandem with these or is it an error on Galaxy Guide 5's part? If it's the latter, you should probably note this in the BTS. Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 19:40, May 5, 2019 (UTC)
    • Addressed. We only see the proton grenades onscreen in Return of the Jedi, but no reason to believe they didn't carry thermal detonators offscreen OOU and in tandem IU. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 02:55, May 6, 2019 (UTC)
      • I think you should add a bit to the end of that ref not explaining why we can deduce Squalls carried the proton grenades. Also remember to link to everything inside ref notes. Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 18:41, May 7, 2019 (UTC)

Comments

  • Note that the Fact File which includes Squalls confirms 4 ABY Battle of Endor date. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 15:06, January 7, 2019 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

  1. ACvote Starting removal because article is over 1000 words, and we have discovered new information that still needs to be added in, so this article isn't getting any shorter. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 18:49, May 15, 2019 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:50, May 15, 2019 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Tommy Imperial Emblem Macaroni 18:51, May 15, 2019 (UTC)