Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Skirmishes in the Naboo countryside

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Skirmishes in the Naboo countryside

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Assuming that any of xd's remaining objections are adequately handled. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 05:01, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
  2. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 11:29, August 11, 2010 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Looks good. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:36, August 24, 2010 (UTC)
  4. -- 1358 (Talk) 16:52, August 26, 2010 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 21:52, August 26, 2010 (UTC)
  6. ACvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 11:12, August 27, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Moffship
Soresu
  • Intro quote has missing punctuation.
  • Never use "unknown" in infoboxes. It's better to just leave fields blank.
  • "Civilian homes" can't really be counted as military strength.
  • Intro contains a broken sentence.
  • Give some indication of time frame in the intro as well as prelude.
  • Double-check that everything possible has been linked.
    • Got 'em.
  • peacekeepers of the Royal Naboo Security Forces makes it sound as if the RNSF contained peacekeepers.
  • the Naboo houses. "The" is a definite article. Since you haven't established anything about houses so far, it's not correct to use the word.
  • Can the second screenshot be uploaded at a higher quality/larger size?
  • I'll probably be back for round two. Anyway, sorry for taking so long for a proper review; noms from our newer users are often ignored due to the increased difficulty of reviewing them. The process speeds up a lot after you've established yourself. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 12:38, August 6, 2010 (UTC)
Xd1358
  • Intro: Trade Federation Gunboat is a link to a redirect.
  • Underlinking in the intro.
    • Still remains.
  • "Naboo's Queen had fled the planet to plead their case in the Galactic Senate." Whose case? The queen's, or Naboo's case?
    • Actually, after a second thought, I don't believe that this sentence is needed in the intro. -- 1358 (Talk) 20:10, August 6, 2010 (UTC)
  • "...civilians in the a series..."?
  • "...in the countryside. then moved into the swamps" Eh? Should that be two separate sentences?
  • The intro sounds more a like a prelude. Please expand about the event itself.
    • Now it is a bit too long. Cut down on it slightly. -- 1358 (Talk) 20:10, August 6, 2010 (UTC)
      • Is this still active?
  • The date should be established somewhere in the intro and the bio.
    • The date in the intro as well would be good. -- 1358 (Talk) 20:10, August 6, 2010 (UTC)
  • "...surviving security forces fled Theed for the countryside." Context on Theed.
    • Context in the body as well. -- 1358 (Talk) 20:10, August 6, 2010 (UTC)
      • Added
  • "Then, they saw several more enemies attacking the Naboo houses." "They then" would be smoother. Also, the Naboo houses? You mean houses in the countryside?
  • "They fought their way down the road." Please merge with another sentence.
  • "They saved several houseboats from destruction, including the leader of a trading village, Rohan Wayside." Is Rohan a houseboat?
  • "After Kael and Sykes shot down the bombers them..." Hmm; why is there a "them"?
  • Bts: Do not talk about "this article". Start it with something like "The skirmish was featured in SW:BfN..."
    • "This skirmish was the second and third missions appearing in..." Something isn't right there.
  • Possibly more to come. -- 1358 (Talk) 13:31, August 6, 2010 (UTC)
    • Eh, sorry xd, caught a few of your objections in my own copy-edit. Make sure you read those changes though, Premier. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 23:38, August 6, 2010 (UTC)
      • I don't mind who fixes the article as long as it is fixed. :) -- 1358 (Talk) 06:20, August 7, 2010 (UTC)
  • Intro: You have several "the two" in the intro. Could you replace some of them with their names?
  • "Sykes took care of them." As Soresu already said, avoid short sentences like this. This one could easily be merged into the next sentence, which is short as well.
  • "The leader of the village, Rohan Wayside, contacted them and informed them of the situation." How could he contact them if they were on their way to the swamps?
  • "The two pilots then saved several houseboats from destruction." Short sentence, merge.
    • "Sykes was given permission to engage the droid forces, and two pilots worked together to save several houseboats from destruction." Are there new pilots or is it still the two pilots?
      • Context added
  • "Kael responded by telling him of the need of pilots to fly against the Trade Federation." Sounds weird. How could pilots fly against the TF? Please reword.
  • Could you name the smuggler?
  • Reformat reference number 1. It should be Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace novelization.
    • Done
      • Novelization should not be italicized. -- 1358 (Talk) 09:46, August 11, 2010 (UTC)
        • Alrighty
  • Use {{Ref}} tags for references in the infobox.
  • That's it. -- 1358 (Talk) 06:31, August 7, 2010 (UTC)
  • One more: No more quotes? -- 1358 (Talk) 07:19, August 8, 2010 (UTC)
    • Another added; the rest are long dialogues and unwitty one-liners.
Makashi
  • Looks like Xd already made objections to alot of the sentence-by-sentence issues, so this won't be as long as I expected.
  • 1 unsourced infobox line
  • Prelude needs to mention that Theed was attacked, otherwise the evac makes little sense. Context on Theed is also important.
  • Short sentences like Sykes took care of them. are to be avoided at all times. Try to merge them with nearby sentences.
  • More droids were inbound, and the two soldiers knew they had to escape, and subsequently fought their way down the road. Stacking two "and"s in the same sentence is difficult to do without making it sound bad. Reword please.
  • Kael told Sykes of a trading village in the nearby swamps who could be of assistance. Who refers to people, a village cannot be referred to be "who". Also, assistance to what?
  • And I think that's mostly it, apart from a few minor things I might have missed. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 23:33, August 6, 2010 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • As I peruse this article for an eventual review, the first question that comes to mind is, if this article is conjecturally named, why is "Countryside" capitalized? "Naboo Countryside" doesn't appear to be a proper name from any source. Unless you have a specific reason for doing so, I would suggest moving the article to "Skirmishes in the Naboo countryside." Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:43, August 11, 2010 (UTC)
  • I'll be going through this article step by step. I encourage you to treat this as a learning experience for the finer points of Wookieepedia article writing and formatting. Infobox first. Here the infobox refers to "civilians." What civilians? The Naboo people? Gungans? Please specify. Never be afraid to give us the necessary details: "civilians driven from homes" Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:14, August 11, 2010 (UTC)
    • Infobox updated.
      • You still have not satisfied this objection. I refer to the "Outcome" field, in which it refers ambiguously to "civilians." Are these Naboo, Gungans, or both? Please specify. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:44, August 20, 2010 (UTC)
  • The reference note used in the infobox regarding the date of this battle is problematic. The TPM novelization itself, AFAIK, does not itself state that the events in this video game take place in 32 BBY. You need to either amend this reference note to explain how you come to this conclusion or else change the reference note to something more appropriate. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:24, August 11, 2010 (UTC)
    • Uhm. I chose the novelization because it was the first source to take place in 32 BBY, because BFN itself does not say 32 BBY. I have no idea which source establishes that the Invasion of Naboo took place during that year. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 19:37, August 11, 2010 (UTC)
      • Well, you need to figure that out. I would suggest checking The New Essential Chronology. And since the video game itself does not establish a date, yet we have a good enough idea when it takes place, you should cite whichever source establishes the 32 BBY date for the invasion and also leave an actual note in the reference manually explaining its relation to the invasion and thus why it takes place in 32 BBY. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:41, August 11, 2010 (UTC)
        • The reference note is better, but I would also like to see it explain specifically how that relates to this article and this video game. You should add something to the extent of "The video game establishes its story line as immediately following the Invasion of Naboo," etc. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:44, August 20, 2010 (UTC)
  • STAPs don't fly themselves. I'm assuming B1 battle droids appear in this battle, in which case they should be added to the infobox. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:16, August 11, 2010 (UTC)
    • It was the NEC. Fixed the source. Thanks pointing that out, Tope. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 10:41, August 13, 2010 (UTC)
      • If you make changes to address specific objections from reviewers, please make sure to leave a note under each objection identifying each item as addressed, otherwise reviewers don't know what or even if anything has been changed in the article. It's not our responsibility to follow the article to track your changes. It's your responsibility to keep us apprised of your progress. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:48, August 14, 2010 (UTC)
  • What are "enemies?" Try to be as specific as you can when writing articles. Did they see Federation B1 battle droids? More STAPs? AATs? "Enemies" is rather generic: "The two officers then saw several more enemies attacking Naboo farms."
    • Expanded.
  • Additionally, this description of Sykes simply "destroying" a tank is very unspecific to the point of being unhelpful in detail. Please detail specifically how he destroyed the AAT: "but Sykes destroyed it" Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:15, August 23, 2010 (UTC)
  • One more. The phrasing used to end this section, "in order to take the fight to the enemy," is rather cliche. Can you find a different way to word "take the fight to the enemy"? Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:12, August 24, 2010 (UTC)
Xd1358, round two
  • Could you cut down on the intro a bit? It seems a bit long. "The Droid Army's primary target was the capital city of Theed, which quickly fell." could easily be merged with the following sentence, and details like "...in captured Trade Federation speeders and..." seem quite redundant.
    • "..had fled the battle in stolen speeders and engaged a number of Federation STAPs which were attacking the local farmsteads." Which battle? The fall of Theed or the TF-attacking-countryside-battle?
      • Addressed.
    • You still haven't merged the second sentence. Something like "After securing the capital city of Theed, the TF forces..." would be much better IMO. -- 1358 (Talk) 15:31, August 26, 2010 (UTC)
  • "The two traded fire with a number of Federation battle droids, flying STAPs, which were attacking Naboo farmsteads." This is a bit unclear. Who were flying the STAPs? The two, or the droids? Also, who were attacking the farmsteads, the STAPs or the droids?
  • "They subsequently found the village, but it was under attack by Federation gunboats." The but doesn't really fit there IMO. "...village, which was under attack..." would be better.
    • "The village was under attack by Federation gunboats." Merge, too short sentence. -- 1358 (Talk) 15:31, August 26, 2010 (UTC)
      • Merged
  • Tweaked intro, I think I managed the above three.
  • There is an article for [[invasion]].
    • Linked
  • -- 1358 (Talk) 18:18, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Kael granted Sykes permission to engage the droid forces, and he and his flight lead worked together to save several houseboats from destruction." This is a bit unclear. Who is he, Kael or Sykes?
    • Fixed
  • Question: Could you add the release date and/or year of BoN to the Bts?
    • Hm. Looks like someone beat me to it.
  • I made some minor tweaks; take a look if you approve them. Otherwise nice work. -- 1358 (Talk) 18:27, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
Jujiggum
  • Why do you have the STAP-2s listed as casualties? Abandoned vehicles are hardly casualties—as far as we know, they weren't even damaged, were they?
    • Removed.
  • For the quote in "The Swamps" section, I believe you have the attribution backwards—shouldn't it be Sykes and then Kael?
    • Huh, so I did. Fixed.
  • Wayside should be listed as one of the commanders in the infobox; he helped coordinate part of the battle when he told Sykes and Kael to save Deviss.
    • He's a civilian.
      • Technical military rank doesn't really matter here—this is for the people who are commanding the forces, and since he commanded Sykes and Kael during the fight, however briefly, he was a commander of the battle. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 19:43, August 26, 2010 (UTC)
        • Alright, added.
  • Deviss, Wayside, Sykes, and Kael should all be listed in the strength section of the infobox.
    • Well, I was told on my other GAN not to include individual names in that section.
      • That's fine, although there are several other status articles out there that do list individual names in that section, and I don't know of any actual policy against it. However, you should at least list "3 pilots". Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 19:43, August 26, 2010 (UTC)
        • "Three Naboo pilots" added.
  • In the infobox's outcome field: from whom did the Naboo resistence gain support? From civilians?
    • I put a more precise outcome there.
  • That's all. Nice work. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 23:08, August 25, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 11:12, August 27, 2010 (UTC)