Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Skirmish on Rekkiad

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Skirmish on Rekkiad

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Good job working through all of the objections. 501st dogma(talk) 23:36, April 11, 2013 (UTC)
  2. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 01:26, April 24, 2013 (UTC)
  3. Novels FTW Supreme Emperor (talk) 21:13, April 25, 2013 (UTC)
  4. ACvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:18, April 30, 2013 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 19:59, May 3, 2013 (UTC)

Object

Floyd
  • One thing first: the intro has to be shaved down considerably. Waaaaaaay out of proportion. Do this and I'll give a more in-depth look. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 04:58, March 19, 2013 (UTC)
    • Trimmed some info out of the intro. Not sure if it's enough let me know if you want more taken out.
Cadeth
Not Cade
  • You can add a few more details in the infobox like 1 Jedi Master in participants and maybe Revan in commanders section.
    • Revan wasn't a commander he just created a distraction and added the 1 Jedi Master.
  • Decapitalize the "Unoffically" in the infobox.
    • Un-capitalized.
  • Isn't this like part of the greater mission: Search for Mandalore's Mask?
    • Yes but the skirmish is more about invading Jendri's land than the search in general. I fell the same goes for here.
      • Apologies Revan, but one certainly contains the other. I understand this will slow down your other nom but they correspond with each other. This should be considered part of the search. Winterz (talk) 01:41, March 30, 2013 (UTC)
        • It is in a sense. If needed I can merge whats needed from this article with the Search but I feel I should ask the AC's that already voted on the Skirmish in Dramath's tomb before just merging that article. I assume you wish both articles merged with the search, however I may have misunderstood though. DarthRevan1173 Revan Headshot (Long live Lord Revan) 20:51, March 30, 2013 (UTC)
          • Merge? Not at all. I mean something like the Desolator Crisis is to some of its minor raids' articles. Winterz (talk) 22:05, March 30, 2013 (UTC)
            • Totally had the wrong idea lol, yea I could do something like that for the Search itself however I don't believe there's anything I can do here, unless you know otherwise. DarthRevan1173 Revan Headshot (Long live Lord Revan) 01:42, March 31, 2013 (UTC)
  • You give numbers in the infobox so you should also give them in the article's body.
    • Added under the aftermath section.
  • I'll continue my review soon ;). Winterz (talk) 12:54, March 25, 2013 (UTC)
  • The Aftermath section is way bigger than it needs to be, please try cut down on it. Remember that events that happen a lot after the article's subject can and should be quickly resumed in that section..or you can just get rid of them ;). Winterz (talk) 11:54, April 16, 2013 (UTC)
501st
  • Please link to Veela Ordo and give context for her in the intro. Is she a commander?
    • Linked and context given. I would say so since she lead Ordo's ground troops into the battle.
  • "...surviving Jendri pilots and..." Pilots of what?
    • Clarified.
      • I know this might enlarge in the intro, but could you mention out front that the Jendri attacked with pilots and soldiers? If you did this, you probably could just say the surviving Jendri troops fled at the end, without specifing class.
        • Mentioned.
          • That's good, buy since you say their are four pilots, could you add that number to the infobox's strengths? Also, could you add that there is four of em in the body?
            • Added. Also added there was six for clan Ordo.
              • That looks good, but could you add that there were four opposing ones in the battle section?
                • Whoops didn't realize I neglected to do so. Added now.
  • The strength section of the infobox should contain the war droids.
    • Added.
  • Please check your linking. You can link to something three times: once in the infobox, one in the intro, and once in the body. Additionally, link to the article the first time you mention it. For example, you mention Clan Ordo in the prelude but only get around to linking to it in the body.
    • Linking is good as far as I can see.
  • In the Prelude, I would mention that Clan Ordo is going into Clan Jendri's territory. Also, I would mention Veela as one of the commanders there.
    • Changed.
  • How did Revan attack the guys on the Basilisks? They are in the air. Additionally, could you say how Revan killed the pilot?
    • Specified.
      • You can probably just say that he leapt on the droid and slew him, instead of having him slide his sword into him. Its bordering on a bit of play by play there.
        • Changed.
  • "...had a funeral pyre built for the thirty warriors----that had fallen could have a warrior's funeral." The grammar's not right here.
    • How's it look now.
  • I would mention more clearly in the battle section that the Ordo pilots could not get to their mounts with the others strafing them.
    • Hows that look.
  • Link to Jedi Order in the body, as it is mentioned in the infobox.
    • Added.
      • I think you have a bit too much context on Revan right now, or at least in the form it is. "Jedi Master Revan, of the Jedi Order and Canderous Ordo, a Mandalorian mercenary,..." The double comma section for context should be cut down to one comma section.
        • I changed the wording in the sentence however I don't think it's right to remove the context. Hows it look?
  • In the aftermath, you might want to mention the Skirmish in the tomb that you have linked in the infobox, as that section is for things that happened after.
    • Expanded.
      • Its a bit larger than it should be, so you might want to cut it down a bit. Maybe just mention that they managed to find the mask, were ambushed by his wife, but survived. 501st dogma(talk) 21:24, April 8, 2013 (UTC)
        • I cut it down. Hows it look? DarthRevan1173 Revan Headshot (Long live Lord Revan) 01:09, April 9, 2013 (UTC)
          • Truthfully, I think you could cut the last paragraph of the after math out, and only deal with the "ambush" by his wife and the bonfire. On the note of the bonfire, could you cut out the sentence about it in the intro, just to trim it down? Its not really needed there. 501st dogma(talk) 22:58, April 9, 2013 (UTC)
            • I can trim the bonfire out of the intro. Does the last paragraph in the aftermath really need to be trimmed out. I feel that it belongs there since it happens two days after the skirmish however if it's really needed I can trim it out. DarthRevan1173 Revan Headshot (Long live Lord Revan) 00:12, April 10, 2013 (UTC)
              • I'm not too attached, so you can leave it. Good work on the objections, I'll continue when you finish the one above. 501st dogma(talk) 00:33, April 10, 2013 (UTC)
  • Good work. 501st dogma(talk) 23:59, April 7, 2013 (UTC)
  • The review continues
  • The intro is a bit choppy. Try to make it flow more by connecting some of the sentences.
    • Hows it look.
  • How bout a main quite????? If there's one to be had....
    • I've literally used every quote from the two pages the skirmish covers in the novel. I could reuse one as the main quote if you think it's needed.
      • Just take a take a quote from one of the other sections and place it there instead.
        • Alrighty moved one quote.
  • These kinda contradict each other: "...pinning down the invaders. Veela Ordo led her clan into battle..." One say they aren't moving, the other says that they go charging around.
    • I specified to say that they pinned down the pilots from reaching their Basilisks.
  • I would say that the Jendri ground troops outnumbered the Ordo ground troops 2-1, as Ordo outnumbers the Jendri via pilots.
    • How's that?
      • I would mention it right away. Just say that "Jendri outnumbered the Ordo ground troops 2 - 1" or something similar at the beginning of the battle.
        • It was already mentioned right away. Second sentence in skirmish says -"Outnumbering Clan Ordo two to one, Jendri's forces attacked their campsite while four of their Basilisk war droid pilots razed the battlefield from above, pinning down the invaders from reaching their Basilisks."
          • It would be good if you say "ground troops" outright, as the Jendri pilots are outnumbered. When you add this, you might want to revise/remove this: "Quickly realizing that they were outnumbered the remaining Jendri troops, whose soldiers still outnumbered Ordo's two to one..." This is because you say they were outnumbered but outnumbered the others, which doesn't make sense. 501st dogma(talk) 12:03, April 11, 2013 (UTC)
  • I would mention what the aftermath quote says in the aftermath. It should be said that it is Ordo's territory now.
    • Added.
  • Context on the First and Twin spears in the aftermath.
    • Added context. Hows it look.
  • I know you mention Mandalore at the end in the aftermath, but could you mention in up in the prelude? The Mandalorians' home is important.
  • Intro: "Once in the air Ordo's Basiliks outnumbered the remaining Jendri and the surviving Jendri troops fled the battlefield." You probably want to add that they outnumbered the pilots only.
  • That should be it. I'll look it over once more after you've fixed these. 501st dogma(talk) 20:56, April 10, 2013 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • A few prelims. First, could you break down the first sentence of the Prelude a bit? It's a bit long-winded and also rather dash-heavy, so finding some way to reword it would help the flow.
    • Broke it into two sentences since I couldn't see a proper way of rewording it. How's it look?
  • Any relevant images to add? CC7567 (talk) 05:10, April 16, 2013 (UTC)
    • Added images of Canderous and Revan. DarthRevan1173 Revan Headshot (Long live Lord Revan) 05:43, April 16, 2013 (UTC)
      • Actually about those you added, I'm not sure they're that entirely relevant to the content, you should use just one, in order to avoid having the article without images (which isn't that bad, but it's still perfectly optional). Winterz (talk) 11:26, April 16, 2013 (UTC)
        • Reduced to one image however my definition of relevant and yours may vary on this subject. If you would like the image left changed could you provide an example of what image you find relevant. DarthRevan1173 Revan Headshot (Long live Lord Revan) 23:03, April 16, 2013 (UTC)
          • Actually, I'd suggest an image from Basilisk war droid. An image of a war droid in flight, such as this one will probably be more applicable than a headshot of Canderous or Revan. Cade GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 23:07, April 16, 2013 (UTC)
  • Starting off with the infobox and the intro: the Clan Jendri casualties presented in the "casual2" field aren't clear. Are that pilot, sniper, and soldier part of the "21 Mandalorians" listed after them, or are they supposed to be separate? If the latter is the case, it should say "21 other Mandalorians"; if the former is the case, then they should be listed as sub-bullets under the "21 Mandalorians." A note on individuals, though: we usually don't list every single individual casualty by name (doing so for hundreds of characters would detract from the article) unless they are significant in some way to the overall battle, like a commander or important individual. These three conjecturally titled characters don't seem to fit the bill, so I would suggest removing them unless there's a strong reason to keep them.
    • Changed to 24 since that's the total number of Jendri's casualties.
  • It needs to be clarified in the intro what Revan's affiliation was. Please provide more context there. I'll continue once these are addressed. CC7567 (talk) 17:49, April 20, 2013 (UTC)
  • Please check the "Whatever your thinking" in the lead quote, as that is a grammatical error (should be "you're"). If it's a typo, please correct it; otherwise, if it's directly from the novel, a [sic] tag needs to be added to note the error.
    • That was a typo.
  • "Quickly realizing that they were outnumbered, some of the remaining Jendri troops abandoned the battlefield, and the rest that chose to stay were slaughtered by Clan Ordo as the battle quickly turned into a rout." A couple things here. First, the last part, "as the battle quickly turned into a rout," doesn't quite fit with the chronology of the rest of the sentence, so I would suggest separating this sentence somewhere to keep the chronology (i.e., the Jendri realized they were outnumbered, then some of them retreated, then the battle turned into a rout, and then the rest were slaughtered). Also, this is more on the picky side, but it isn't quite clear who the rout was against—I know you mean that Clan Jendri was routed, but I think it can be stated more directly.
    • Separated and specified.
  • The first sentence of the Aftermath definitely needs to be split up. Also, I would recommend wording it as "Clan Ordo claimed the captured territory from Clan Jendri" or something along those lines to avoid the currently-used passive voice (the territory was claimed by Clan Ordo).
    • Changed.
  • Is everything currently in the Aftermath section necessary? That section should only be used to detail what is directly relevant to the skirmish itself, which doesn't quite seem to be the case for this section. Please take a look and see if there's anything worth removing from the Aftermath.
    • I removed the third paragraph as that pertains more to the Skirmish in Dramath the Second's tomb, however I don't believe there's anything else. DarthRevan1173 Revan Headshot (Long live Lord Revan) 00:43, April 24, 2013 (UTC)
  • I'll take another look at the article once these are addressed. CC7567 (talk) 00:03, April 24, 2013 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 20:42, May 5, 2013 (UTC)


  • I don't mean to sound snarky when I say this, and I apologize in advance because that is not my intention. It can sometimes be seen as slightly disrespectful to revert a reviewer's changes without discussing them first, even for more stylistic areas such as comma usage. In general, if there are changes from a reviewer that you disagree with, that's perfectly fine; it's just good to talk about them a bit before instantly changing them back to the original version. (Something to keep in mind for the future as well.) That being said, if there are any specific changes I made that you disagree with, I'd be happy to talk about them with you to find a compromise. CC7567 (talk) 01:26, April 24, 2013 (UTC)
    • I had no intention to be disrespectful and I have no issues with your changes. The reason I removed the commas was because I thought they were unnecessary/un-appropriate in those areas, however I'm not always sure where they are necessary/appropriate. I do apologize if my actions came off as disrespectful. DarthRevan1173 Revan Headshot (Long live Lord Revan) 01:41, April 24, 2013 (UTC)
      • No harm done. Just wanted to be clear about that. CC7567 (talk) 01:42, April 24, 2013 (UTC)