Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Sev (pirate)

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Sev (pirate)

  • Nominated by: Exiled JediGreetings 21:41, May 11, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Hopefully there will not be any problems with this article like the two weapon articles I nominated.

(5 ACs/0 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote Good job working through these objections. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 02:11, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 22:46, May 17, 2011 (UTC)
  3. ACvote I'll second Kilson's sentiment above. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 18:25, May 19, 2011 (UTC)
  4. ACvote a few technicality tweaks, but otherwise clean. Snowball!—Tommy 9281 Thursday, May 19, 2011, 20:18 UTC
  5. ACvote Tommy: Not really a snowball since it's been a week already. ;) Nice work. 1358 (Talk) 18:14, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

Object

First pass
  • First, you need to source all the quotes properly. That is very basic.
  • In the Bio, "Which caused, Sev along with everyone else aboard to be stranded in the Valley of Golg and near the Tomb of Dathka Graush." This reads very awkwardly, please fix this.
    • Oops! I meant this to be attached to the previous sentence.--Exiled JediGreetings 03:04, May 14, 2011 (UTC)
  • In the Bio "...and he was possessed by the spirit of the Sith Lord Dathka Graush," two things here. First, he who? Please clarify this, because it isn't obvious by the way it's written. Also, although this may seem obvious, please add "deceased" or a similar word into the sentence, because I believe it is possible for a living Sith Lord to posses a being.
  • "...still able attacked the ship's first mate, Babbnod Luroon, a female Twi'lek, who shot him with a blaster." Please correct your grammar here. Also, which of the three pirates shot Sev, because it isn't clear here either?
  • Given how small it is, I don't think the Equipment section is necessary. Please delete it and add the info to the Bio or P&t.
  • The {{WizardsCite}} item you use in the external links is actually supposed to be used in the Source list and the ref item. Please correct this.
  • Once you're done with these, I'll continue my reviews. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 00:32, May 14, 2011 (UTC)
Second pass
  • In the Intro, "After the crash, Sev was killed by Korriban zombies and his corpse was turned into a zombie that returned to attack the Jynni's Virtue." The repetition of "turned" sounds odd, please correct this. Also, although I already fixed it, there was a link for "zombie." Just remember next time to check the Wook for anything that might have an article.
  • I'm still a little confused what Felywood's possession has to do with Sev. It doesn't seem to affect Sev at all, and if it does, you haven't made this clear. Please elaborate this.
    • I did my best to explain it better now. I will give a brief summary here: The reason that Felyood's possession is so important to Sev is because without Felyood being possessed by Graush the Korriban Zombies would not have been unleashed. And without the Korriban zombies being unleashed Sev would not have been killed by them and reanimated as a zombie.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 02:58, May 15, 2011 (UTC)
      • I made a few corrections, but it sounds better now.
  • In the Bio, you refer to Zombie Sev as just Sev, but at the very end, you say "the zombie that was once Sev." Which is it? Was he still Zev, or was he no longer Zev?
  • To wrap it up, you had several grammar mistakes and some linking problems. I fixed several, but please reread the entire article just to make sure these are corrected. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 01:25, May 15, 2011 (UTC)
Moffship
  • "Sometime after the zombies were unleashed, Sev was killed by them, and his body was reanimated as a zombie due to the plague spread by the zombies' bites." - The wording of this is rather awkward, as you mention he was bitten and infected after mentioning that he was killed by the zombies. Please reword.
  • Can you incorporate his use of a rusty sword into the bio at all?
  • That's all at the moment. Good work. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 22:49, May 16, 2011 (UTC)
Jujiggum
  • Do we have an article for the attack by the Imperial patrol over Korriban? If so, please link it, and if not, please create the article and then link it. (If thee latter is the case, you'll have to create the article because the link fits in the intro, where no redlinks are allowed.)
  • Same thing for the zombie attack on the pirate vessel.
  • "Naz Felyood also mentioned him on a piece of seven-thousand-year-old parchment as he wrote about the incident while stranded on Korriban." This sounds like completely IU information that should be put at the end of the bio section.
  • Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 14:45, May 19, 2011 (UTC)
  • One more quick thing before I support: the article is currently located at "Sev (spacer)," but nowhere in the article do you actually call him a spacer. Since you instead specify in the article that he's a pirate, what do you think about moving the article to "Sev (pirate)"? Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 17:34, May 19, 2011 (UTC)
Ecks Dee
  • "By 1 BBY he had turned to piracy and served under Captain Naz Felyood." I believe captain should be decapped here, as it's not a rank, but a job. It's not capitalized in the bio either. 1358 (Talk) 19:42, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 18:14, May 20, 2011 (UTC)


  • He never actually said anything and there were no images of him. And since his species is never identified, he could be a Wookiee! But probably not, with Sev for a name...--Exiled JediGreetings 21:41, May 11, 2011 (UTC)