Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Rersey

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Rersey

• Nominated by: Lelal Mekha ^{(Audience Room)} 09:00, December 6, 2019 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Meet the new guy in the Tall Hats crew.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

1. Objections addressed, looks good now. UberSoldat93 11:32, December 10, 2019 (UTC)
2. Sorry for the delay in striking! Ayrehead02 (talk) 15:59, January 4, 2020 (UTC)
3. Good job Tommy Macaroni 18:43, January 14, 2020 (UTC)
4. —spookywilloww^talk 01:21, January 15, 2020 (UTC)
5. Imperators II^(Talk) 12:40, January 15, 2020 (UTC)

Object

UberSoldat

• Some suggestions:
• "....advisor to the Galactic Emperor Sheev Palpatine during the early Imperial Era." Maybe reword the last bit in the intro to "....early in the Imperial Era."
  • Done.
• Try to remove the present tense from this image caption: "Rersey and Vaneé face a seemingly mind-controlled Darth Vader."
  • Should've been in the simple past from the get-go; I guess the "d" was lost en route. ;-) Fixed!
• "Long after the fact,...." Change "fact" to "event".
  • Done.
• "....allegedly a member of the Imperial Inquisitorius, but actually Commander Lina Graf of the enemy Rebel Alliance in disguise." This can be reworded better in my opinion.
  • Does that sound better now?
    • Yup, much better.
• "....the incident with Mother Sssl caused the Rersey to lose his sanity." Grammatical error here.
  • It seems I was originally going to write "the adviser" but ended up choosing "Rersey." Fixed.
• "He sported longer than average, crooked teeth whose gums had receded almost to their roots." "Longer than average" implies there is a standard, and the statement overall could be worded better.
  • I guess "long" would be less problematic, then. Other than that, what is it about the phrasing that bothers you? --Lelal Mekha ^{(Audience Room)} 11:22, December 10, 2019 (UTC)
    • After going over it again, it seems that changing one word did in fact convey the flow of the sentence better.

Other than that, good luck with the nomination! UberSoldat93 11:09, December 10, 2019 (UTC)

Ayrehead

• I think it's worth including something about his cowardice. He demands that he be saved over the castle and throws Vanee before Vader to save himself. Ayrehead02 (talk) 09:55, December 18, 2019 (UTC)
  • I added a little something. Does that work? --Lelal Mekha ^{(Audience Room)} 12:54, December 19, 2019 (UTC)
• The paragraphs of the article body need to be restructured so that the central paragraph isn't so long and the first so short. You could probably split this into four even sized paragraphs and then have two subsections, which would allow for another quote to be added. Ayrehead02 (talk) 09:55, December 18, 2019 (UTC)
  • I made an attempt. I assume you'd have preferred if each subsection had been even, each containing two paragraphs, but given the time lapse I think a "legacy" subsection makes most sense. What do you think? --Lelal Mekha ^{(Audience Room)} 12:54, December 19, 2019 (UTC)

Zed

• The early Imperial Era is mentioned in the introduction, but not the article body. I reckon it could be added to the sentence that begins with "At one point," so that the events are given some sort of timeframe. Zed42 (talk) 20:46, January 10, 2020 (UTC)
  • Does this work for you now? --Lelal Mekha ^{(Audience Room)} 08:08, January 11, 2020 (UTC)

Tommy

• "Butted heads" seems quite informal to be, and could you elaborate on what he and Vanee were arguing about? I'm assuming Vanee was defending Vader to some degree.
  • Sorry, I knew it was idiomatic, but didn't really see it as "informal." Nevertheless, I changed it into simply "quarreled." --Lelal Mekha ^{(Audience Room)} 08:10, January 11, 2020 (UTC)
• Does the source use the word "horrible"? That doesn't seem encyclopaedic to me. Tommy Macaroni 20:51, January 10, 2020 (UTC)
  • The text now says "a startling scream." Is that better? --Lelal Mekha ^{(Audience Room)} 08:10, January 11, 2020 (UTC)
• The body is of a fair length, so I think the intro can be expanded. Tommy Macaroni 20:54, January 10, 2020 (UTC)
  • I added one full sentence; do you think it needs more? --Lelal Mekha ^{(Audience Room)} 08:10, January 11, 2020 (UTC)
    • I think that looks good. Tommy Macaroni 15:25, January 11, 2020 (UTC)
• I'm wondering whether pale is the best word to describe his skin. I'm thinking more of a dark tan, but what do you think? Also, I'd like to see the skin colour explicitly stated in the personality and traits.
  • You're right, "pale" may not be the best way to describe his skin color. What do you think of "ashen?" --Lelal Mekha ^{(Audience Room)} 17:42, January 12, 2020 (UTC)
    • Yeah that sounds good. Just wanted to say Lelal, I really appreciate your efforts to write your articles with an eloquent vocabulary.
      • Why thank you. I do make a point of it, even though English isn't my mother tongue. --Lelal Mekha ^{(Audience Room)} 08:21, January 14, 2020 (UTC)
• You mention him not fearing vader or his powers in the P&T quote and image, but I'd like to see it explicitly mentioned in the text. Tommy Macaroni 15:25, January 11, 2020 (UTC)
  • Will my latest change do? --Lelal Mekha ^{(Audience Room)} 17:42, January 12, 2020 (UTC)
    • Wording's nice but I think it'd be more logical to place it in Personality and traits. Tommy Macaroni 18:30, January 13, 2020 (UTC)
      • How does that look now? --Lelal Mekha ^{(Audience Room)} 08:21, January 14, 2020 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 12:40, January 15, 2020 (UTC)